Dealing with close minded people

This is one of Steve’s most helpful posts in a long time. We all have them in our lives, people who won’t listen. I would like to add my two cents worth to this in the near future but Steve has set the ball rolling when he starts by challenging the position that many of us take when we meet resistance. How can you intelligently deal with people who are close-minded, totally stubborn in their beliefs and unreceptive to new ideas? Steve Pavlina

It’s all about ego. And the key word is intelligence. How quickly do our brains go and our emotions take over when our ego is challenged. In any situation I could be wrong. That is a fairly daunting prospect to apprehend.

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Vision – Creating a picture for the future

“I have a dream” Martin Luther King

I once asked the founder of the organization in which I worked how he defined vision. He told me it is something that continually eats away at you until you have to make it happen.

When he became a Christian there was no support for young people who needed to be discipled. This lack gnawed away at him until he finally collaborated with a farmer in western New South Wales to create a small community in which young people could study, be mentored, reflect and work to contribute to their board and tuition. Out of this idea has developed an organization in which hundreds of young people have been discipled and gone onto greater Christian service.

Vision is more than just coming up with a good idea. Most of us have plenty of these. It is about enduring the hardships of the journey and to encourage and take others on that journey as well. From both the animal and human studies, we know there are critical developmental windows in the first years of life. Sensory and motor skills are formed, and if this early opportunity is lost, trying to play catch up is hugely frustrating and mostly unsuccessful.

Prof. Zajoc writes of studies which investigated recovery from congenital blindness. Thanks to cornea transplants, people who had been blind from birth would suddenly have functional use of their eyes. Nevertheless, success was rare. Referring to one young boy, the world does not appear to the patient as filled with the gifts of intelligible light, color, and shape upon awakening from surgery,Zajoc observes. Light and eyes were not enough to grant the patient sight. The light of day beckoned, but no light of mind replied within the boy’s anxious, open eyes.

Zajoc quotes from a study by a Dr. Moreau who observed that while surgery gave the patient the power to see,the employment of this power, which as a whole constitutes the act of seeing, still has to be acquired from the beginning. Dr. Moreau concludes, To give back sight to a congenitally blind person is more the work of an educator than of a surgeon.To which Zajoc adds, The sober truth remains that vision requires far more than a functioning physical organ. Without an inner light, without a formative visual imagination, we are blind, he explains. That inner light the light of the mind must flow into and marry with the light of nature to bring forth a world. (National Right to Life News, March 30, 1993, p. 22)

Martin Luther King’s statement I have a dream,saw a better world. But he also shared with people the pain of the journey to that dream. Even though the American constitution declared the liberty and freedom of all people this was not a reality in the American south. Martin Luther King paid for his vision with his life but his shared journey with other African Americans allowed for significant progress to be made in the breaking down of racist barriers.

Warren Bennis said this after his study of organisations,

In every case where they had reached epiphanies, there was a leader who was able to enrol people in an exciting, insanely significant vision. Someone who was capable of reeling in the advocates and supporters to work with him or her. They all believed that they could make a dent in the universe.(1997)

The signs of an effective organisational vision for this learning context will be evident in its followers. Secondly the question must be asked at all levels are people learning? It will be the leadership vision and effective management of the vision that will enable your organization to achieve new goals.

Bennis (1997) also states what leaders must create is the social architecture that encourages people to work together successfully. The difficulty facing leadership is to harness egos to unleash the potential that is available. For an organisation such as the church the social structure must extent beyond superficial social niceties and be channelled into the practical aspects of fulfilling its vision. The social architecture will be constructed through its reorganisation as a learning organisation in which each of its participants becomes a contributing learner.

In such a structure the leadership and the members are repositioned. The leaders are not permitted any pedestals and the learners are asked to step up to their responsibilities. The outcome will be a group of people with a shared philosophy who are able to work together to achieve effective outcomes.

John Maxwell suggests some of the following ideas if an environment is to be created that will encourage others to take hold of a vision:

• Come alongside them There are different levels of leadership that a leader can have. At the bottom level is designated authority. This is where people follow because of your assigned position and they have no choice. At the highest level is that of personhood/respect. At this level you have developed followers who are loyal and sacrificial. They are this way because they have seen you demonstrate sacrificial and loyal leadership to them.
• Paint a picture for them. This picture should set new horizons for the individuals in the organisation; it should give hope; it should be challenging; it should provide freedom; the journey is important; it should provide a path to the ultimate goal; they should be able to see your total commitment to the vision. (Maxwell,J)
• Put it into context . Shaller says that the most effective leaders are those that understand and adopt the values of the group that they join.
• There is a big difference between one’s personal vision and implementing a corporate vision. A personal vision will not change an organization and belongs to the leader alone. A leader must be able to rise above themselves and to see the future through other people’s perspective.

How to cope with criticism

It’s not the critic who counts, nor the one who points out how the strong man stumbles or how the doer of deeds might have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who if he fails at least fails while daring greatly, that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat. (Theodore Roosevelt)

Destructive criticism is meant to:

1. Hurt or humiliate and belittle…
2. Manipulate or control…
3. Blame or create guilt…
4. Get attention

Destructive criticism loses its helpfulness because of the damage it causes to the receiver. The beneficial truth is lost to that person because of the damage caused by the comments made. Destructive criticism usually is more about the insecurities of the criticizer than the reality of the comments given.

What not to do when facing criticism:

I am at the mercy of a man who can make me angry.

Aggression criticizing your critic right back. Two people can tear each other to shreds as attack and counterattacks can quickly escalate. No matter how unjust the criticism is just returning fire is rarely an effective way of effective dealing with the critic.

Backstabbing This approach gives the appearance of giving in but in fact you are just waiting to get your own back. For instance, you’re confronted about a problem with one of your workmates and you appear to go along with the boss’s suggestions for reconciliation. All the while you are planning your next opportunity to get back at that workmate for having the temerity to dob you in. This approach fails to deal with the criticism and does little to help either party.

Capitulation This means giving in completely to the critic. Many persistent critics are in fact emotional bullies. By just agreeing with the criticism, apologizing, promising to change your behaviour you can in fact make the problem worse. This is usually just what the critic wants to hear. Again and again! They learn what buttons to push and enjoy making your feel worthless. To make themselves strong, they have to make you weak. To keep control, they have to turn you into a child.

Constructive criticism is meant to:

• Help improve or make us aware…
• Express concern or caring…
• Keep communication open…
• Clear the air…
• Motivate us to make positive change

Step One – Hear the Truth

Criticism can be one of life’s finest shaping tools. The very nature of the word suggests that even though there may be some truth in what is said it will also contain a barb. But, listening to the critic is very effective when they have pointed out a real concern. The first thing to do when handling valid criticism is to accept it as true but not fall into exaggerated self-put downs and negative self-talk. Avoid over-apologizing for the error.

Often it can be more difficult receiving criticism from our friends. After all we expect our enemies to be hostile and to put us down. If the friendship is to be maintained it will mean working through our differences and building a stronger relationships. An enemy can be shrugged off and avoided but a true friendship requires commitment through the good and bad times, the nice and the harsh words.

Admitting the truth allows us to accept our mistakes and faults without apologizing for them.

Admitting the truth allows us to recognize mistakes as mistakes, without feeling like a bad person.

When admitting the truth, the goal is to get past this mistake or barrier. The truth will help heal relationships and enable the individual and group to become productive again.

Once we accept the mistake, we can move forward rather than become bogged down in depression and self-criticism. Others will accept us as we are and see us as fellow human beings.

Note:
Limit the criticism you’ll accept. We must how to limit the criticism we accept. Listen to certain people and all they will ever talk about are the negatives or how things should be done their way. Even if they are mostly right listen to them too much and it may prevent you from hearing strength of the hundred who are in agreement.

Seeing ourselves clearly is helped when?

We are secure in who we are: We need to have a sane estimate of our abilities. Our understanding of ourselves is to what others may have. Building a healthy self appreciation of our abilities is essential if we are to withstand a range of differing opinions of who we are. Paul goes on to say that rather than allowing the world to squeeze us into its mould that we are to allow God to remould us from within. We are always a work in progress.

We have learnt to laugh. It is those who take themselves too seriously that find the sharpest barbs in any comment. This attitude can turn a gentle reminder into a devastating putdown that can prevent us from moving forward. A healthy sense of humour can take the sting from what is said and turn it into a positive chance to gain a better appreciation of how other’s see us.

Don’t take it too personally: Assume that most people most of the time aren’t out to destroy us. Sometimes we may hear comments that weren’t intended for us to hear. Sometimes people just have to have a chance to vent themselves. If you are unfortunate enough to hear what they have said you may not be getting a clear picture of their true intentions.

Keep criticisms in perspective: Remember what we are really place on earth for. Remember your higher purpose and live for that at all times. Lives with integrity and you will discover that sooner or later your critics will be disarmed.

A Celtic Meditation Exercise – Hand Meditation

A Hand Meditation

Sitting with your palms up resting in your lap, eyes closed, tune into your breathing, relax your tension points and go into your centre.

Become aware of the air at your fingertips, between your fingers, on the palm of your hand. Experience the fullness, strength and maturity of your hands. Think of your hands, think of the most unforgettable hands you have known  the hands of your father, your mother, your grandparents. Remember the oldest hands that have rested in your hands. Think of the hands of a new born child, your nephew or niece  of the incredible perfection, delicacy of the hands of a child. Once upon a time your hands were the same size.

Think of all that your hands have done since then. Almost all that you have learned is through your hands turning yourself over, crawling and creeping, walking and balancing yourself.; learning to hold something for the first time; feeding yourself; washing and bathing, dressing yourself. At one time your greatest accomplishment was tying your own shoes.

Think of all the learning your hands have done and how many activities they have mastered, the things that they have made. Remember the day you could write your own name.

Our hands were not just made for themselves but for others. How often were they given to help another. Remember all the kinds of work they have done, the tiredness and aching they have known, the cold and the heat, the soreness and the bruises. Remember the tears they have wiped away, our own or another’s, the blood they have bled, the healing they have experienced. How much hurt, anger and even violence have they expressed and how much gentleness, tenderness and love they have given.

How often they have been folded in prayer; both a sign of their powerlessness and of their power.

There is a mystery which we discover in the hand of a woman or a man that we love. There are the hands of a doctor, a nurse, an artist, a conductor, a priest, hands which you can never forget.

Now raise your right hand slowly and gently place it over your heart. Press more firmly until your hand picks up the beat of your heart that most mysterious of all human sounds, one’s own heartbeat, a rhythm learned in the womb from the heartbeat of one’s own mother. Press more firmly for a moment than release your hand and hold it just a fraction from your clothing. Experience the warmth between your hand and your heart. Now lower your hand to your lap very carefully as if you were carrying your heart. For it does. When you extend your hand to another, its not just bone and skin, it is your heart. A handshake is a real heart transplant.

Think of all the hands that have left their imprint on you. Fingerprints and hands that have left their imprint on you. Fingerprints and handprints are heartprints that can never be erased. The hand has its own memory. Think of all the places that carry your handprints and all the people who bear your handprint. They are indelible and will last forever.

Now without opening your eyes begin to write out of your stream of consciousness. Slowly become more aware of your outer extremities. The pressure of the air on your forehead. The sensation of the air touching your fingertips.

Slowly as you are ready become present to your reality once more.

A gift of love from the heart

One of the most profound words of wisdom that I ever heard regarding self development was that the first step was to get out and help someone else. This insight helped me to identify that the key to fulfillment and happiness was to discover a higher purpose than our own needs and desires.

Steve Pavlina describes this in a recent post when he says, But when I focus on serving others, it’s like I’m plugging into a much more powerful battery. Energy flows through me instead of from me.

This is very true. I remember that April and I were given such a gift when on our honeymoon. We were eating our lunch in a busy shopping centre. There were no other tables left but we had a spare chair at our table. There was a well dressed lady with a plate of food who was obviously looking for somewhere to sit. We invited her to sit at our table.

During the course of our meal we chatted with her. We had very little money at that stage of our life and but were very happy with our purpose. This lady had lots of money but described a life that was full of unhappiness. When we finished we went our separate ways.

April and I got onto a train to go to our next destination. A couple of stops further along the lady that we shared lunch with go onto the train. She recognised April and I and sat with us. She got up to leave at the next stop but as she did she handed us a large sum of money. It was enough to allow us to be able to enjoy some nice things on our honeymoon.

This demonstrated the power of being able to share our hearts with someone else. We may not always receive a financial reward but there will always be a positive benefit when share in this way. We received from this lady a gift of love and all it required was for her to experience our heart response to her situation

Thanks Steve for reminding me of that special moment in our lives. The post is spot on and a reminder that although most of the world will tell us that the most important person in the world is me that this is not the whole truth. Sure we have to care for ourselves but we must never forget that we are social beings designed to contribute to the greater good of all of us.

Great Tips for finding happiness etc.

When looking for my daily dose of a positive affirmation this post came up:

• Use applied faith – faith in the moment of any given situation that there is a seed of opportunity or growth
• Trust the process of life
• Set your intent wisely. Intention is very powerful and it organizes the power with in the field of pure potentiality
• Center yourself by relaxing the body and calming the mind
• Increase self-awareness by practicing mindfulness – present moment focus
• read the rest here….

I especially liked the last one which was to create a sacred space in your home. We live in one of the most beautiful places in the world and I sometimes forget to take the time to appreciate it.

Life Coaching – Future Directions

In human development childhood implies a dependence on others for all of the child’s needs. It cannot exist without the support of others and requires a healthy adult perspective to allow the child to gain a correct understanding of its world. Correct childhood development is also seen as vital for the future health of the individual. To grow to be a healthy adult requires the correct diet, discipline and love. As an industry coaching is very much in its childhood and at this point leans heavily on a range of disciplines from which it gains its understanding of the world. Its composition is new in meeting the changing educational and work needs of today’s generation.

In its current entrepreneurial stage there is little regulation and often conflicting methodologies. Many aspects of coaching have been around for a long time. Others seem to rest on a great deal of hype and a bit of snake oil. For example Robbin’s seminars allow his participants to walk on hot coals. This exercise’s long term benefits are questionable and in the short term may just be simply dangerous.

Surrounding the current crop of coaching stars there is much hype and perhaps overstating of actual gains that are possible. Being part evangelist and part management guru places enormous pressure on the super coaches to produce results. They do not usually appear obligated to produce empirical results rather relying on a long list of anecdotal testimonials. These usually say more about the person than their methodology and results. The implication for the everyday coach is that they may also feel obligated to overstate the possible benefits from engaging a coach to assist them in some area of their life.

Whether from one of the super coaches or less well known names there is a plethora of literature available for the aspiring coach or a person desiring to be coached. Many follow fairly familiar well worn paths that have not varied much from such success icons as Norman Vincent Peale’s, The Power of Positive Thinking, or Dale Carnegies, How to Win Friends and Influence People

As long as coaching was practiced as an extension of the North American self help movement, it seemed justified to be content with anecdotal evidence that coaching processes work.In the 21st century, given the above tenets, this stance on the ROI of coaching is becoming less and less justifiable. It is also less and less welcomed by organisations looking for explicit proof of coaching effectiveness. If behaviour change is indeed one of the foremost goals of coaching, then neglecting findings on behaviour and the developmental roots of behaviour is a risky course of action indeed.

The current immaturity of this industry allows the title of coach to be attached to anyone who so desires. This situation is untenable and will require future coaches to be involved in considerable upskilling if professionalism is to be attained in the industry. Some concern must be expressed at the damage that may occur if coaches without a strong ethical and professional framework offer advice that is outside their personal limitations. By nature the claims that a coach must make if they are to be regarded as effective can lead to overstatement of their capabilities. Such claims could lend itself to the coaches giving erroneous advice and the exaggerated participants expectations of s success.

Future implications for coaching

• Recognised post graduate levels of coaching .This is already beginning with an increasing doctoral, masters, and undergraduate coaching qualifications being offered at recognised tertiary institutions.

• Recognised professional level required to use the word coach. A coherent framework of ethic and professional standards is required and the current range of names coaches take on. Depending on one’s educational level and field of expertise a variety of terms are used to describe coaching.

• Gale et al report that the titles most often used by coaches include Personal Coach, Executive Coach, Life Coach and Business Coach. Coaches with Master degrees most frequently refer to themselves as Business Coaches, Consultants, Executive Coaches, Personal Coaches, and Developmental Coaches; coaches with Bachelor degrees use the titles, Professional Coach, Mentor and Life Coach, and coaches with Doctoral degrees use the titles, Mentor and Developmental Coach most frequently. The wide variety of coach titles indicates indicate the different perceptions coaches have for their roles, the diversity of their emphasis and the lack of any framework for assuming the title of coach. This is indicated in the coaching world by many different names for what appear to be very similar intentions.

• To simplify, and perhaps clarify the field of coaching, it seems necessary to significantly reduce the number of titles used by coaches, and at the very least, to define the differences between each title (Executive Summary Coaching Practices, Gale, Liljenstrand, Pardieu and Nebeker (2002)).

• Effective tools researched and used.Coaching must move beyond the personal hype of the superstars that focuses on the coach. It must also reflect more personalisation than a simple computer based audit of one’s skills.
  Sydney University’s coaching unit incorporates a unit on the use of many such tools. They include the Myers Briggs assessment instrument. Etc.

• Rigorous ongoing professional development for example if one specialised in the area of career coaching then it is to be expected that in the current rapidly changing work environment that there be ways to ensure currency in the coaching practice.

The coaching industry is at a critical stage. The determination of whether it is just a passing fad or the guarantee of its future success is likely because of the quality and professionalism of coaches and their ability to deliver demonstrable value to their clients. If coaching is to become a true profession, further research into the effectiveness, business benefits and value of different coaching methodologies is crucial.

Neil Offley, Programme Director at the NHS Leadership Centre, comments: ‘We hope that evaluation and research will help show how coaching can deliver real benefits, and overcome a perception of it being the latest fad.’ As the coaching market continues to grow and mature, a number of trends are likely to appear. Jerry Arnott, Managing Director of Origin Consulting, states:

‘I believe there will be a consolidation of coaching providers and increased regulation and standardisation across the market. This is long overdue and there are already signs of this evolution as the coaching profession begins to address the fundamental issues of ethics, standards, accreditation and quality.’ (Quoted from CIPD Buying Coaching Services p.15)

This will mean for many coaches the sacrificing of some of the current freedoms to serve the greater good of coaching as a developing profession. The adoption of measures such as accreditation, a code of ethics and accredited methodologies will eliminate the some of the current inconsistencies in the discipline.

Related Posts

• A look at the future of Life Coaching
• Factors influencing the growth of Life Coaching
• A very short history of Life Coaching

Why does everyone dislike Michael Arrington? And other stuff

Everywhere I go around the blogosphere there are people who don’t like this guy. I don’t know him from a bar of soap so I can’t comment. But, he does have one of the most popular blogs on the web. He is doing this right. But, he has annoyed a lot of people around the blog world.

1. Is it just tall poppy syndrome?
2. OR is it the fact he isn’t a nice person?

Here is an interview that perhaps gives some insight….(read it here)

• The Web is 16 hasn’t it gone fast. read a brief history here…
• For a short history on the blogging Rebecca Blood’s post is great.

Living life on purpose

Here is a great quick self test to see how you are going. Get a free evaluation your current state of mind and whether you are really in control or not. I would think that this test could be done  on a weekly basis  to  give a quick check on how things are really going.

"You know when you're living your life on purpose  it is the type of lifestyle that follows after first finding out how to live a pleasurable or happy life"

Using the 4 Temperaments to help in your self understanding

A contributing factor to how we handle stress is our temperament. This is something that is imprinted on our DNA and is a part of the picture that determines how we approach and deal with life. We all know of the types who can laugh at any situation and see the positives in everything that comes their way. Then there are those who face the same situation and may find it overwhelming and not be able to see any good whatsoever.

The original temperaments were developed by Hippocrates who developed it from a physiological theory of four basic body fluids (humours): blood, phlegm, black bile, and yellow bile. According to their relative predominance in the individual, they were supposed to produce, respectively, temperaments designated sanguine (warm, pleasant), phlegmatic (slow-moving, apathetic), melancholic (depressed, sad), and choleric (quick to react, hot tempered).

There is some question as to the scientific validity of temperament theory that I would like to acknowledge. But, as you read through the temperaments we all will recognise people we know who are just like the description. There are also combinations of temperament that we all with have to some degree. This must also be a part of the context by which we use any such description. The description of the temperaments is only a tool to allow you to know yourself just that little bit better.

Finally a warning: Don’t allow your temperament to determine who you are. We are more than just the sum of a few personality traits and should look at a range of tools to contribute to the picture that we have of ourselves.

But in the meantime enjoy the unique qualities that you have and learn to enjoy the differences in others as you understand more those differences.

THE SANGUINE TEMPERAMENT Men and women with the sanguine temperament are warm, buoyant, and lively. They are naturally receptive, and external impressions easily find their way to their hearts. Their emotions rather than reflective thoughts are the basis of most of their decisions.

Sanguine types enjoy people, shy away from solitude, and are at their best when surrounded by friends, where they can take center stage. They have an endless repertoire of interesting stories to tell, making them fun to be around at parties or social gatherings.

Back when they were in high school, the sanguine types were voted “Most Likely to Succeed,” but they often fall short of this prediction because of weak wills. Sanguines who find themselves ineffective and undependable tend to become restless, undisciplined, egocentric, and emotionally explosive.

THE CHOLERIC TEMPERAMENT The choleric temperament is found in people who are hot, quick, active, practical, and strong-willed. They tend to be self-sufficient, independent, decisive, and opinionated, finding it easy to make decisions for themselves as well as for others.

Adversaries seldom frighten them; conversely, cholerics welcome the challenge because they want to prove they are right. They possess dogged determination and often succeed where others fail not because their plans are better than anyone else’s but because they push long after others have become discouraged and quit. These natural-born leaders will storm the hill or take on city hall. Their motto: Either lead, follow, or get out of the way.

The choleric’s emotional nature is the least developed part of their temperament. They do not suffer fools gladly, nor do they sympathize easily with others. Male cholerics are often embarrassed or disgusted by the sight of other men crying. They have little appreciation for the fine arts because their primary interests lie in the utilitarian values of life.

Cholerics, male or female, have a hard time with people skills. They don’t need babying or pampering, and it’s hard for them to adapt their styles to the needs of other people. Cholerics are difficult folks to live with. They can come across as hot-tempered, cruel, impetuous, and self-sufficient. The person with this temperament is often more appreciated by friends and associates than by members of his or her family.

THE MELANCHOLY TEMPERAMENT Melancholy people are often dark, moody individuals prone to analyzing everything to death. Nonetheless, they can be self-sacrificing, gifted perfectionists with sensitive emotional natures. That’s why many of the world’s great artists, musicians, inventors, philosophers, and educators have been of the melancholy temperament.

These self-described introverts come hardwired with a variety of moods dominated by their emotions. Sometimes melancholics’ moods will lift them to heights of ecstasy (“I just loved the new Julia Roberts movie!”), but five minutes later, they can become gloomy and depressed (“I just can’t seem to snap out of it”). If this occurs, spouses need to watch out. Withdrawn melancholics can be quite antagonistic and hard on a marriage.

When they’re in a good mood, melancholics are your best buddies and friends. Unlike sanguine men and women, however, they do not make friends easily. Melancholics are initially reserved when meeting people, preferring for new acquaintances to come to them. They are perhaps the most dependable of all the temperaments because their perfectionist tendencies do not permit them to let others down.

Melancholics have an uncanny ability to figure out what to do when obstacles are placed in their paths. If a project needs to be completed within a seemingly impossible time frame, you can be sure a melancholic will find a way. This foresight contrasts sharply with cholerics, who rarely anticipate problems but are confident they can handle anything that comes their way.

THE PHLEGMATIC TEMPERAMENT Everyone loves to be around those with phlegmatic temperaments. They act calm, cool, and collected. They travel through life in the slow lane, content to take it easy. Life for phlegmatic people is one happy, pleasant experience after another, which is why they avoid entanglements with others as much as possible.

Phlegmatic types seldom get ruffled. They are the types who rarely express anger or laugh until tears are running down their cheeks. Their temperament remains steady. Beneath their cool, reticent, almost timid personalities, phlegmatics draw from a good combination of abilities. They feel more emotion than appears on the surface and have a great capacity to appreciate the fine arts and the better things of life.

Since phlegmatics enjoy people, they do not lack for friends. They are natural-born conversationalist who love to hear a good story as much as they enjoy telling one. Known for their dry sense of humor, they have the ability to see the lighter side in everyday situations. Their retentive minds delight in poking fun at the other temperament types.

The chief weakness of phlegmatics, which often keeps them from fulfilling their potential, is their dearth of motivation. Some husbands will say this about their phlegmatic wives: “She is a wonderful wife and mother, but she is one lousy housekeeper.” A frustrated wife might say, “Joe is a wonderful husband, but he can’t seem to get a promotion.”

Although they are easy to live with, phlegmatics have a careless, low-pressure way of living that can irritate a hyperactive partner to no end. [1]

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