5 Commandments of Respect

One of the more difficult tasks in leadership is to be able to correct or guide while still maintaining the dignity of the other person. Many leaders make the mistake of believing that their leadership is all about winning an argument or having their point of view predominate. However, this is a very short sighted view of leadership and will ultimate limit a person's level of influence in other's lives.

I am just reading about the breakdown of relationships when Hewlett-Packard merged with Compaq. The CEO of HP struggled to win the hearts and minds of the HP employees and faced a battle on several fronts to ensure the success of the merger.

She failed to gain the respect. But, she could have if she had followed some of the following principles.

1. If I have a problem with another person, I will go to him privately. Engaging in a public humiliation of another human being destroys a person's soul. We were recently at a children's birthday party at a popular fast food restaurant and witnessed one of the poorest displays of management that I have ever seen, The person running the party was not being supported by the other staff causing the party to run late. This employee was berated in front of the children and parents.

The result was that I felt very upset. So upset that I wrote to that restaurant. I felt that what was done to that person was soul destroying and needed to be corrected. I hope that manager was dealt with privately so that he would see more clearly the implications of his actions.

2. If someone has a problem with me, and comes to you, send the person to me. (I'll do the same for you.)

3. Be careful about how you interpret me' Id rather do that. Don't try to read things that aren't there in me. I have the right to be able to process my own thoughts without someone putting the implications of their thoughts on me. The reverse is true, I need to be careful how I interpret other people's response to me. Discovering that everything isn't always about me is one of the hardest things to live with but it allows me to be able to hear what you are really saying.

4. If it's confidential, I won't tell. (Unless someone is harming himself or someone else.) I need to be seen as a safe person if people are to give me their trust. This means that they must know that I don't have the need to tell what I know about them. Although someone may choose to disclose information to me it remains their right to disclose and not my right to disclose that to other people.

5. I will not manipulate; I will not be manipulated. I will choose to be honest and live with integrity. This will discourage any person who tries to manipulate me into living in a way that caused me to live with a contradiction within myself. (source unsure of highlighted items)

Integrity and Vision a brief Introduction

\·Integrity

An important function of leadership is to be a role model in one's influence of others. Perfection is not expected but leaders are required to demonstrate a depth of character and commitment to the values and mission of the organization if they are to effectively influence others to take this same path. Covey describes the trend that developed during last century of management following a personality cult. Whereas in the one hundred and fifty years previously the focus was on one's integrity, character, trustworthiness what emerged was a series of glib mottos. People were expected to follow one's personality and public image that is lubricated through the use of slogans and behavioural manipulation techniques.

Vision

Proverbs 29:18 Where there is no vision the people perish'.

A prime leadership skill will be to envision some desired future state of being, and to inspire others to understand and share that vision (Leadership as Vision, Morden, T.). Effective leadership is able to focus on the big picture issues and see the long term implications of decisions that are made in the present.

To survive in the current world of rapidly changing social structures, technological innovation and the forces of globalization requires the organization to see beyond the current restrictions faced by their members. It will be those groups that identify and provide for the needs of people that will thrive in the future. Those who expect people to come to them and because of past reputations will quickly fade away in the face or rapidly changing needs.

Financial Freedom – How to really find it

Almost every self help book begins with setting goals to the point where it almost becomes a clich. This is not intended to be a self help post but an aid to finding freedom particularly in our finances. However an interesting byproduct of financial freedom is the discovery of many other new freedoms in your life.

A number of years ago I worked and lived with several heroin addicts. These people were at a stage where they wanted to change. They were fed up with a meaningless and aimless life in which they would probably die. What I discovered was that the addictions were not their real problem. Usually there was some part of their lives that they had found so unsatisfying that an escape into drugs seemed to be their only option. Once they were addicted they were totally committed to that habit. Their lives revolved around the next fix or how they were going to get the next lot of drugs. To change required replacing that passion with something new. That change to be effective needed to be totally life encompassing. It meant removing themselves from that environment and replacing it with a new one that gave them the freedom to be themselves without the aid of drugs.

In many ways that is what we need to do if we are to find financial freedom. Our lives need to be ruled by some new order. We need to replace hopelessness with hope.

Tim Costello quotes Ivan Illich an advocate of the poor in South America. He was asked what the most powerful way to change a society. Illich response was this,

     Neither revolution nor reformation can ultimately change a society. Rather you must tell a new and powerful tale, one so pervasive that it sweeps away the old myths and becomes the preferred story, one so inclusive that it gathers all the bits from the past and our present into a coherent whole, one that even shines some light into the future so that we can take the next step forward.

I believe this is also true for us as individuals. We need to gather our lives so far into a coherent whole and then begin to create a new story for our lives. Once we begin this process we can then begin to make progress.

Viktor Frankl a psychologist was imprisoned in a German concentration camp during the second world war. During this time he had the chance to observe human behaviour set in the most awful of conditions. He observed that when faced with the same conditions that people responded in different ways. Some were able to rise above their circumstances and others were enveloped by them and gave up in despair. He also observed that even in a concentration camp there were those who were happy.

He concluded from this experience that:

    Happiness is never achieved as an end in itself. It is always a by product of either: giving yourself to a higher cause or giving yourself to another in love.

Setting Goals

1. Talk to others about their ideas to gain inspiration
2. Create an environment regularly for reflection. For example keep a journal, take a regular walk or bike ride, read books, sit without watching TV or listening to the radio or watching a movie
3. Set out what do you want to achieve.
4. What is essential. These are your short term goals (Pay bills, holiday)
5. What you would like to achieve in the future. These are your medium to long term goals ( a better job, retire at 50, buy my own business)
6. Map an achievable plan to achieve your goals (How much you need to earn, study, business plan etc.)
7. Do it!! Don't put your plans off any longer start implementing your plans because this is the only way that they will happen.

Related Post

• Money can't buy love

Life really does begin at forty

Four basic human needs

To live, to learn, to love, to leave a legacy

Life isn't over yet

In the movie Wall Street Gordon Gecko is played by Michael Douglas. He is a cunning unprincipled multi-millionaire corporate raider. One day he speaks to a meeting of spellbound shareholders who are worried about a takeover bid. He declares,

ladies and gentlemen, greed for the lack of a better word is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed in all its forms  greed for life, for money, for love, for knowledge  has marked the upward surge of mankind

Later in the film, Gordon's friend Bud asks,Tell me, Gordon where does it all end? how many yachts can you water-ski behind? How much is enough? Thoreau the philosopher said that most men lead lives of quiet desperation. In my conversations with my peers I hear this desperation expressed often. They suspect that the endless accumulation of things isn't quite enough. And as we rapidly approach middle age there is a sense of unease that perhaps we won't quite measure up. That we have missed the main thing and that our chances to get it right are rapidly passing us by.

 

I recently was talking to a friend who was expressing his dissatisfaction with life. In his mid forties he is moderately successful in business. He has a small business that he runs very efficiently, he has a loving wife, his family are rapidly growing the eldest two successful in their chosen fields and the younger three progressing well in their schools. In most ways his life looks together yet he constantly says,There must be something more?

What's wrong with Steve? He feels that he should be earning more. He feels that his business should be bigger. That he should be driving a better car. Life hasn't fulfilled the promise that it seemed to have in his twenties and thirties. He says that even beyond the financial side there is this unease that keeps gnawing at him and he's not quite sure what to do about it.

His disquiet strikes a cord in me although it is not quite as fully developed. I too feel a growing sense of urgency within myself. I am nearly forty. I still don't have a full time job. I am nust about to change jobs at the age of 43 and am not always sure if my qualifications will secure employment. I have four  children aged six and under, this means that I will be sixty by the time that they might even think about leaving home. A friend told me that he never really started getting ahead financially until his kids had left home. That comment made me feel slightly sick in the stomach and I felt that sense of urgency once again. I will be left with approximately five years to save for my retirement which will not be nearly enough to save the $500 000 dollars or so that I will need to retire on.

Life has changed! I am no longer the care free adventurous young person I once was. I ask myself:

• What happened, who am I, where am I going?
• Have I wasted the first 25 years of my working life?
• Should I panic because we don't own our own home?
• Is it too late at 43 to find financial freedom?

Mark Levinson a psychologist says that for most people reaching forty there is some crisis. It is not hormonal or biological but it It is defined as a nothing period in our life where we are juxtaposed between the vitality of youth and the . Youth is seen as a time of vitality, daring, growth etc. old age is seen as a time of withering

Maybe I am asking the wrong questions? Tony Robbins in his book Awakening the Giant Within You says that we can change how we feel about our circumstances simply by changing our focus. By changing the focus of our questions we can change our perspective on our problems.

Stephen Covey in First Things First first chapter asks, How many people on their death bed wish they'd spent more time at the office? In this chapter he describes the tension that most of us feel between what we want to do and our responsibilities. I feel certain responsibilities as a Father, as a husband and as a member of society to contribute in worthwhile ways. Sometimes I feel that life is more about survival than the fulfillment of some of the things that I consider more worthwhile.

 

This dilemma was reflected in a recent conversation with a friend of mine said he was too busy at work. His weekly routine meant being there for up to 90 hours a week trying to keep things going at work. I said to him, but don't most people spend at least 90 hours a week doing something? Most of us sleep for around 42 to fifty hours a week and the rest of it we are doing some activity or the other.

I went on, What I think you're saying is that you are not happy with the way that your spending your time.

My friend's dilemma demonstrated to me the way many people perceive the way that they spend time. A lot of people think that each week they are not spending enough time doing what they really want to do. Locked in a vicious cycle of meeting financial commitments to maintain a certain standard of living life becomes a drudgery of working to maintain and gain things that are ultimately viewed as not having much value. Or we have no boundaries that divide ourselves from our work therefore work overtakes who we are. We find that we can't so no to new demands on our time or finances because we always say yes. Our attitude to retirement further reflects this tension we feel. Retirement becomes the opportunity to do the things that they want to do when freed from the tyranny of having to work. It is disappointing that we have to wait to the end of our life before we believe that we can start doing this.

In an American study of people over the age of 90 they were asked what three things they would change if they could have their lives over? The following three statements came up most often:

• They'd reflect more  That is they would take more opportunities to step out the daily grind to thoughtfully examine the meaning and purpose of their lives. In doing this they would ensure that their energy was expended on worthwhile pursuits.
• They'd risk more Given their choice these elderly people would have taken more opportunities to step out of their comfort zone. They would take risks to explore more of what life offers and not accept that life was a rut.
• They'd invest more in things that will outlast themselves –

Jack Nicholoson in the movie as good as it get plays an obsessive compulsive man who lives to have everything in order. His neighbour's intrusions aggravate him. He gets so frustrated that he bursts into his psychiatrists waiting room and says to the group, Maybe this is as good as it gets.

Maybe there is an element of truth in that statement. There are some things that we can't change. More than likely I will turn 40 in a few months time. I won't be able to do some of the things that I used to do in my 20's and 30's. I probably won't become a millionaire by the time that I'm 45. I will have to support a wife and four children for at least the next 20 years.

What I can do is change my attitude to these things. The questions that I have been asking are from the wrong perspective. They encourage a negative perspective on my future, my ability to earn an income, the reasons why I earn and income and my attitude to work.

Rather than wondering how my life is half over I should be celebrating the experiences I have had so far. Instead of thinking that opportunities might be limited I can begin to embrace the future. My working life is half over but I can begin to capitalize on the experience that I have gained over the past 25 years of work. Financial freedom may not be found in having a better paying job or winning a million dollars but in changing my attitude to money.

Questions to ask of myself

• Write down five of the most significant questions that I have at the moment?
• Are they empowering questions or do they reflect confusion about what is important?
• How can you turn these questions around?
• Try rephrasing some of these to approach them positively?

At forty life isn't over yet. I sometimes think that my working life is nearly over. Yet logically I have another 25 years or more to constructively contribute and earn an income. There is still a future. We have to take control of that future and begin to shape it in a way that allows us to discover freedom.

Leadership – it begins in the home

I think the ultimate test of the efffectiveness of a leader is what happens in their home. What are their kids like – healthy, dysfunctional, drug addict, corporate leader, artist, confident. Too many leaders have left in their wake so much pain and hurt among those closest to them that it has diminished their star. This is especially true if we take the definition of leadership as the ability to influence others. If we cant influence those closest to us positively then whatever else we do will count for little. For example the late Kerry Packer's relationship with his family. From an outsider's perspective there is no mistaking the genuine love that his children had for him. From all accounts Kerry could be a very difficult man but in my mind he passed the ultimate test of leading first at home. I want to be a great man. When I was younger I thought of greatness in terms of the empire that I would create and the size of the my bank balance but time has mellowed some of that ambition. Now my primary quest for greatness is in the eyes of the five people that I live with. They see me for what I really am, they know my faults and weaknesses and sensitivities yet they are so forgiving Here are some choices that I must make if I am to be an effective leader in my home: Choose words that build up – Words are such powerful tools. We need to choose our words very wisely if we want to be an effective leader at home. It is very easy to let slip words that tear down when I feel stressed or tired or even selfish when everyone wants to invade my space. I need to choose words that say good things to those around me – I love you, sorry, can I help, you look lovely, you are very special, thank you, that's great, how wonderful. Choose to spend my time doing the important things – Even if I say that the kids are important if I don't spend my time with my family and kids then my words count for very little. Its what we do that counts in their eyes. And, they are the ones who get to really see what I am doing with my time. The important things in my life at the moment are being home so I can help bath the kids, read with my eldest daughter, pray before they go to sleep, wrestle with my son and sitting with everyone at the dinner table. Choose to love unconditionally – This means giving when I am not receiving. Washing up when everyone else is too tired at the end of a hard day. Not making my needs the first priority in the family. Choose to make the hard decisions - But do it in a way that makes the family feel better. We can't always do everything that we would like to do or we sometimes have to choose between two very good options. Sometimes I can't be everyone's friend. In these situations its important not to be a friend but a father. Choose to listen instead of talking – It can be very easy to think that it is only my perspective that matters. Communication is always more about what I don't say or what I do when I stop talking.

Making money – Perspective

In 1923 a group of the world's most successful financiers met at a Chicago hotel. Present were:

• The president of the largest independent steel company.
• The president of the largest utility
• The greatest wheat speculator
• The president of the New York Stock Exchange.
• A member of the President's cabinet.
• The president of the Bank of International Settlements.
• The head of the world's greatest monopoly.

Collectively these tycoons controlled more wealth than there was in the United States Treasury, and for years the newspapers had been printing their success stories and urging the youth of the nation to follow their example. Twenty five years later, lets see what happened to them.

• The president of the largest independent steel company -Charles Schwab- lived on borrowed money the last five years of his life, and died penniless.
• The greatest wheat speculator – Arthur Cutten died abroad in poverty.
• The president of the New York Stock Exchange – Richard Whitney- was in prison.
• The member of the President's cabinet – Albert Fall- was pardoned from prison so he could die at home.
• The president of the Bank of International Settlements -Leon Fraser – committed suicide.
• The head of the worlds greatest monopoly – Ivan Krueger- committed suicide.

All of these men had learned how to make money, but not one of them had learned how to live.

Steve Jobs – Lessons from iCon

As I have mentioned the book is a fascinating read and give a great deal of insight into the character of this man. As I read it I discovered some of what I would like to do and also what I would like not to do. Without a doubt time has mellowed him and his family has had an enormous impact on some of the more abrasive edges of him.

1. Be focussed – Steve Jobs is an incredibly focussed man. He is not afraid to put his head on the line for what he believes in. In several biographies that I have read recently this is a quality that has stood out to me.
2. Be honest – One story about the way he treated his early partner Woz did not sit well with me at all. There is no need for dishonesty. And even though the sum was only a small amount it did a great deal of damage for their relationship. I would also disagree with some of his business ethics. To me my word is my bond and it is not to be changed lightly. Steve appears to be able to see situations from only one perspective his own and therefore in a number of the situations described demonstrated a lack of integrity.
3. Take risks – Several times he put it all on the line. He was prepared to live by his convictions. Sometimes it is hard to leave the safe cocoon of a secure job. But, I would like to think that I could also take the challenge of risking all for the sake of what I believe in.
4. Family is important – He says that this is the one thing that changed him the most. I would have to agree. I have discovered in my kids a whole world that nothing else I can do compares to. This really is the one area that I don’t want to fail in.

iCon is a fascinating read about the life of an extraordinary man. Even though it describes his failings and personal shortcomings I didn’t feel that it was done in a detrimental way. Steve Jobs is after all a human being who has been a part of several extraordinary stories in his business life. He has failed but then he has risen above his failures to go onto bigger and better things.

Recent Interview with Woz from Guy Kawasaki 

Leadership insights from the Tao of Leadership

The Tao of Leadership

Leaders should not seek power or status; people will not then crave power or status. If scarce goods are not valued highly, people will have no need to steal them. If there is nothing available to arouse passion, people will remain content and satisfied. The truly wise do lead by instilling humility and open-mindedness, by providing for fair livelihoods, by discouraging personal ambition, by strengthening the bone-structure of the people. The wise avoid evil and radical reform; thus the foolish do not obstruct them. They work serenely, with inner quiet. he best leaders, the people do not notice. The next best, the people honor and praise. The next, the people fear; and the next, the people hate. If you have no faith, people will have no faith in you, and you must resort to oaths. When the best leader's work is done the people say: We did it ourselves!

Excuses

The next time I find myself wanting to make an excuse for something that I haven't done or should have done or could have done better I will remember the following from Steve Pavlina.

 

   Excuses are lies we tell ourselves to avoid dealing with unpleasant truths. But as long as we buy into those excuses, we can never move past them. Instead of addressing the underlying problem, we merely hide the symptoms. One of the most important steps in personal growth is to uproot excuse-making and confront the real issues behind the excuses with consciousness and courage.

Failure

I like to hear that greatness doesn’t stop failure. Lots of other lessons from Seth’s blog from Columbus but this one rang very true for me.

Columbus was a failure. He failed when he joined in the attempt to conqure the Kingdom of Naples. He was captured by Portuguese ships as he escorted an armed convoy. He was wounded. And he never did get to India. The fact that he didn’t give up and become a shopkeeper after this rought start was critical to his success.

Tags:

« Previous Page — Next Page »