I thought that I was strong.
I thought that God would bless my activity,
I was wrong,
I thought I was a failure,
I thought there was nothing certain,
I was wrong.

God gathered my failures,
and told me that each one was a lie,
God took my strengths,
and turned my energy to him,
Now each day is a delight,
It opens with new opportunities,
To be in your will,
And to enjoy God’s company.

I laid awake counting my failures,
The accusations surrounded me completely,
Hurled at me each day,
The list seemed endless.

I was drowning,
Sucked down by despair,
Going under for the third time,
I thought that this was the end.

Then I heard a different voice,
One that spoke loving words,
Sometimes the words were soft,
But, my God kept speaking to me,
He was my life raft,
Guiding me to wisdom,
Failure no more – Safety is found.

My Version of Psalm 79 – For when you feel very stupid.

Lord, my past is so shameful,
My stupidity reaches to the heavens,
I spend all day counting what I have done wrong,
But, you don’t do this to me,
Your count keeps going back to zero,
Totally forgetting all my past mistakes.

My dear enemy doesn’t do this,
He takes delight in pointing out what I have done,
He piles stupid on stupid,
To show me my idiocy,
Over and over he has circled,
Looking to make the final blow,
To find one more stupid thing,
That will destroy my life.

God’s way is so different,
He circles to wrap his arms around me,
Not to point out my stupidity,
His arms are loving and his voice is soft,
Affirming me, whispering love sounds,
That comforts my pitiful weeping.

Here’s what God’s says will happen –
My dear enemy is going to feel very stupid,
When God sees the damage he sought to do,
God won’t take it lightly,
He will show the enemy who is right,
He won’t get away with it,
My enemy will receive his dues,
And, it won’t be pretty for him,
When God let’s loose,
With the loving anger of a protective dad.

I love feeling safe with Dad,
I pray that my children will see God’s work,
And that they will have the same trust,
Because they know how God delivers.

My world is awash with pain,
Every day I see more things to fear,
A relentless coming and going of disappointments,
Life lived with sadness as its shadow,
These shadows can stretch over the day,
Threatening to block out all light.

A life lived in the shadows,
Overcome by fear,
Is not what God planned,
No, he desires us to discover,
Happiness with each new day,
Light that keeps the shadows in check,
Sadness that opens into joy.

Humility is God’s home for his children,
I need to learn to live with him,
When peace comes to me,
Life’s shadows become welcome shade,
Not an interminable disheartening,

I loved my homecoming,
Choosing God first is finding rest,
I set down my self defences,
Opened my life with no pretence,
I found fresh hope,
Everything in its right place.

My Version – For when I am anxious and cannot go on. 

My daily search for God’s voice,
tells me that God cares for me,
He overlooks my mistakes,
When I was lost in a downward spiral,
Free falling into an abyss of fear,
My pitiful cries were heard,
When lying on my stomach every morning,
My face buried into the floor,
Sobbing because of my fear of the day,
God reached out and lifted my head,
He looked into my eyes with love,
He spoke to me – he heard me.

Those who threw their bitterness at me,
They will hear God’s voice too,
Bitter words will quickly fade,
They have no place in eternity.

Hope returns even when fear still speaks,
Fear seeks to drown out hope,
Truth corrects deceit,
Bringing back possibility,
God searches for truth and befriends it,
My heart finds an ally,
Who is always on my side,
My broken heart restored.

God’s voice is shouting out his presence,
Stop and listen,
Truth is God’s gift to his children,
We don’t need to try to find the answers,
God gives them to his children,
Stop and listen.

Each day is an opportunity,
To hear more of God’s words,
I love seeking to understand daily,
To sift out the lies that begin,
When I forget to listen.

I love my Father’s honesty,
He sees my heart,
His truth pierces any lie,
Everything is exposed to him,
There’s no point pretending,
I look forward to his approval.

Tomorrow is a fresh start,
The day will begin with a shout from God,
As the sun begins its daily trek,
I will stop and listen,
With my heart open and ears pricked,
Ready to hear my Father’s words.

When I pray my broken hearted prayers,
I know my failures are obvious,
Thankfully God sees more than this,
Beyond my shortcomings,
He saw my desire was to serve,
I never ceased in that desire.

This was rejected by the liar,
He closed his heart against me,
Daily acts of violence were committed,
Lashed unceasingly,
By a continuous contemptuous glare,
My daily work became torture,
I curled up and sought to die.

From the confusion,
I heard a Voice,
It quietened my anxious heart,
Words that offered protection,
Confronting the lies,
Showing them for what they are,
Futile rebelliousness against God,
The Voice speaking order and calm,
Love’s words offering truth and trust,
“You are my child – I see you –
What I see calls me to love you more”

Every day there are new things to learn,
I pray this morning for humility,
For the wisdom to see the things that I don’t know,
That today may become a day of discovery and wonder,
Not stuck in the same old rut.

Why do fearful cowards surround me?
They don’t want to face who they are,
Instead they prefer to attack me,
They focus all their energy on my downfall,
Wielding their hate weapons,
All day they seek to find new words,
To create despair in my life.

Surely God sees all this?
He knows everything,
He can see the haters hearts,
And, he must see my heart.

I stopped and was still,
God’s voice broke into the stillness,
His voice breathed love,
My friend, My Creator,
He saw the deep wounds inflicted by bullies,
Loving hands wrapped around me,
His embracing action a balm to the hate words,
Love spoken heals the abuse.

God is faithful to me,
He doesn’t cave into hate’s demands,
He is not swayed by its accusations,
He never deviates from love,
I want to follow him everywhere,
Listening to his voice,
Learning new things daily,
Seeing hate’s voice quietened by love,
Knowing that he has my back.

Hatred has a smell,
Like a corpse rotting in the battlefield,
Contempt’s odour is distinct,
Pride is bathed in it,
It putridly seeks to infect those around it,
My enemy bathes in contempt every day,
Never resting in finding new ways to lie,
Creating elaborate word snares,
That confuse truth.

I was trapped by contempt,
Breathing its foul air,
Wondering when arrogance would rise,
Seeking ways to shatter my hope.

It’s time to seek God,
To watch his power unleashed,
In anger for his child’s pain,
Stupid enemy,
Arrogance is God’s enemy,
It will get its due,
Words that sought my destruction,
Will torment your heart,
In your sleeplessness,
Where all hope has faded.

It’s time to walk humbly,
Waiting,
Listening,
Silent,
Rest,
Learning my Father’s footsteps.

Humility led me down to greatness,
I sought to follow you God,
Sometimes I thought you were going the wrong way,
You seemed to take wrong turns,
But, I learned to trust you,
I discovered rest,
Now, when you seem to stop for too long,
I know that it’s for my sake,
I have stopped being a back seat driver,
I have learned to love the scenery along the way.

Lies told about me accumulated,
I was confused and uncertain about truth,
These lies created deep wounds,
Injuries that threatened my own life,
I came so close to giving up,
The lies twisted truth and I gave up on myself,
I wanted to die because the pain was constant.

My scars are a testimony to God’s provision,
They are truth’s witness,
To the winner,
The lies are now obvious,
Everyone can see God’s provision,
Blessing is not for the liar,
It’s clear that God sees truth,
He healed my wounds.

When I discovered truth in you God,
I couldn’t ever imagine going back to what I had before,
I know that one day everyone will recognise you as God.

I want every part of me to know you,
I want you to heal my broken heart,
So that gap between desire and reality is bridged,
Creation’s wonder emerges renewed,
Shadows become bathed in light.

Stupidly people seek to bring me down,
Their anger against me is turned to you,
What a fearful world they must live in,
I pity them because they don’t know about grace,
They live in a tenuous half life,
Constrained by their own pain,
Their world doesn’t understand compassion,
They seek to feel better by pushing me down.

My next request is difficult,
But, show me your goodness,
Deal with those stupid people,
Let their futile attempts at greatness,
When they sought to destroy me,
Become their own tormenter,
Don’t take it easy on their destructive desire,
I seek mercy to be shown through your strength,
God, you work it out – I will trust you.

God are are you there?
You must be able to hear what is said about me?
Aren’t you my protector?

I love how you show up self declared power,
Before you it looks pathetic,
My enemy speaks words against me,
But they are contributing to his downfall,
He gathered an arsenal of put downs,
I felt like he used every last one of them against me,
He was so good at it,
I started believing him and not you God.

I doubted myself,
I stopped sleeping,
I imagined the worst,
I thought that I would die.

None of this was true,
The worst was transformed into peace,
God turned up,
I visited the shadow but now live in the light.

My dear enemy continues to gather words,
In the hope that he can overcome God,
It’s a futile hope,
But he clings to it with a death grip,
Sucked in a downward spiral into darkness.

I know what anxiety is,
I know what fear is,
I have tasted failure,
Yet God is still with me,
He hears my prayer this morning,
My Saviour.

Contempt burns in my enemy’s eyes,
Their eyes haven’t seen love’s light,
They are dark pits,
Seeking to drag me into their pain,
They are ingenious in their scheming,
Planning to inflict their pain on me.

Their word vomit is continuous,
The stench of their breath,
Warns me that they are coming,
They think no one can smell it,
But, I know when they are near,
It smells like a dead animal left in the hot sun,
The unmistakable smell of death.

God is going to clean up the vomit,
Disinfectant’s sting will be a painful rebuke,
To the pride vomit stench,
My enemy loves his own stink,
But, my room will smell like a fresh garden,
Promising fresh life born in fertile soil.

Enough is enough,
I will no longer cower,
Scared of lies and malicious intent,
My loyalty repaid with contempt,
This is not the life that God has for me.

I am ready God,
To walk with my head high,
To face hatred and stare it down,
I have heard my dear enemy’s voice,
Let the destructive hate words,
Eloquently put together but bathed in malice
Spoken with their foul smelling voice,
Be collected and be discarded with their faeces,

My enemy spends too much time in destruction,
I choose to seek honesty,
Honesty is about God’s truth,
Spoken as a love song,
My enemy is confounded,
Because my heart continues to sing
Praise that reaches my Source,
Sung with the breath of Eternity.

God’s creative voice is all around,
He uses it as his megaphone,
Why don’t we hear it’s message?
Everywhere I look creation is speaking of its author,
Saying this is the Creator’s work!

A beautiful sunrise that shatters light over the earth.
An awesome storm with ear splitting thunder,
The ocean’s relentless power breaking down the earth’s edge,
The sunset reminding of the sun’s fiery daily journey.

Then God chooses a life,
He chose my life and to love me,
Daily power witnessed,
Becomes my strength,
In the midst of creation’s relentless activity,
My God whispers, “enjoy”.

God sees every part of me,
There is no stone unturned in my heart,
God you know I have followed you for years,
Seeking to be an obedient child,
Wanting to follow in my Father’s footsteps.

You showed me that the bully is a liar,
Incapable of speaking truth,
I had to stop listening to their sweet sounding lies,
To be able to hear your hard truths.

Breaking free from the bully is hard,
They are clever in their deceit,
They know how to charm – then destroy,
My best weapon is to put God first,
It disarms deceit,
All the bully can do is run in circles,
Making lots of noise.

Resistance is futile when God is put first,
– Light against fog,
– Hope against depression,

The right choice is obvious,
Waking to praise brings hope,
There’s no cover up – Praise fills my life.

I don’t understand why people plan evil,
Isn’t doing good a better option?
It’s happened again though,
My dear enemy has promised good,
But delivered hate,
They keep telling me that it’s love!
Confusion is created again,
Too many words wreaking havoc,
Hate relishes confusion,
It gives opportunity for destruction.

A much better way is to plan good,
God doesn’t tolerate duplicity,
He will set it all straight,
My dear enemy will face the truth,
Words used to destroy me,
Will entrap them in their own confusion.

I love how my God works,
Protecting me against my dear enemy,
Turning the tables –
My enemy’s power becomes weakness,
Even if they don’t see it,
It is a witness God’s power to the world.

Peace is such a beautiful place to find,
I have discovered true rest with my Father,
He has helped me withstand the personal attacks,
He will confront the lies that were told,
The lies that were intended to destroy me,
They were destruction veiled as truth,
I watched as my enemy took delight,
In seeing me hit rock bottom.

I know now how to take a true rest,
So that those lies no longer affect me,
Truth relies on God – not on my enemy,
I have learned to pour my heart out to God,
So that my ears hear only truth.
The great reversal is coming,
Where God sets it all right,
In the meantime I am learning what is important,
Rich or poor the end result is the same,
We must keep close to God,
Trust him above everything else,
This is the only safe place in this world,
Eternal love expressed with truth is the result.

Lord, I have felt like everything is wrong,
It feels like all hope has been lost,
Overwhelmed with sleepless nights,
I think constantly of my failures.

This is the time when I cried out to you God,
In the middle of the night,
In the early morning,
When the shadow of depression touched my soul,
When I feel only darkness,
When my friendships are shattered.

In all of this you are speaking to me,
Waiting for my response:
I choose to praise – not hate,
I choose to live powerfully – in your strength,
I choose to love – forgiving wrongs,
I choose life – eternity with my Father.