Chris Gribble

Be yourself - Everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)

Another Version of Psalm Six

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My doubts surround me today,
They make my will weak,
Caution holds me back,
When bold faith is my calling.

When I doubt most,
I despair of hope,
God have mercy on me,
See my heart’s desire,
Heal my cautious spirit.

When fear clutches my heart,
Tomorrow looms with terror,
I curl up wanting to die,
Disappointments are everywhere,
Overwhelmed by disloyalty,
I feel like giving up.

This morning I cry out to God,
I will find him in all I do,
God listens to my broken prayers,
My illogical words and groans,
The tears that I shed each night,
Everything is being set right,
Opposition lives with its own shame,
I am heard by God,
My fears transformed by courage.

True Freedom

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The wild human heart,
Lusts for freedom,
Beginning from a creative thought,
Seeking a new beginning,
When my eyes opened,
For the first time,
I saw the day,
Stretching its arms,
Calling me to adventure.

True freedom,
Is always found within,
It is a hope,
That can see,
The horizon,
Halted only briefly,
By a passing cloud.

My desire is found,
With freedom’s voice,
Seeking out a calling,
That belongs to me,
Life not distracted,
By a million possibilities,
I am found in the path,
That is trod only by me.

Another version of Psalm 5

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My heart longs for God’s call in the morning,
When my groans become too much,
I turn to my Beloved father’s care,
My requests born from my pain,
Are compassionately answered by my Father.

Arrogance pretended to be my friend,
Making continuous false promises,
Lying through his teeth day after day,
The pretence of care was thinly veiled pride,
All of which will be arrogance’s destruction.

Lies on top of lies became his own snare,
Pride’s guilty heart became his daily lament,
Justice brings Eternity’s truth to the lies,
Lies exposed for their destructive heart,
Pride’s pitiful outbursts exposed for all to see,
Their own reward is received in due time,
Loneliness is arrogance’s eternal fate.

I found safety from the onslaught of lies,
Giving everything to God,
Meant the lies could take nothing from me,
I learned to begin with daily praise,
Surrounding my life with love’s words,
Hope emerged with fresh life today.

Another version of Psalm 4

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At the end of my day,
My troubles overwhelmed me,
I couldn’t think straight,
Everything felt like too much,
Even the smallest detail,
Felt like the final straw.

I want to know renewal tonight,
As I consider my broken heart,
I choose you Lord to protect,
When I can’t sleep,
When trust is the hardest task,
My enemies seem to succeed,
While I struggle with each day.

I will seek to trust you God,
You gave me new life,
My search is not for more blessing,
It is to know you deeply,
Surrounded by your peace,
Seeking to discover rest myself,
I pray for this tonight,
As I put my trust in you.

Suprised by the “main thing”

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Focus in one of the main things that is impressed in our world. We are given more and more techniques to help us get rid of distractions so that we can be more productive. We are told constantly that time is a key commodity that needs to be guarded carefully to ensure we achieve our potential.

Most people are probably familiar with Steven’ Covey’s pithy statement, “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” It is very true for those of us he tend to get distracted.

But, sometimes the main thing can creep up and surprise us.

I recently discovered this when watching my son play football. My son loves Rugby League. Actually, we both love Rugby League. His advantage is that he can still play whereas my playing days are far behind me. Nowadays the best I can do is passionately support my team in the National Rugby League competition.

The problem he faces is that he is playing in the Under 16’s but only weighs 45 kgs. Most of his teammates are 55 kg plus. He has always been smaller than most boys his age and because of this for most of his life I have thought that his ambition did not match with reality on the footy field.

He is usually put out on the wing. Not because he is fast but because that is where he is out of the way. Usually in a game he rarely gets the ball. Then when tackling because of his size he doesn’t have the strength to deal with the power of some of the bigger players.

I have thought for a long time that he was doomed to be a winger. As much as he enjoys the game I believed he was destined to be on the periphery of the main action.

But, after watching him play recently I took a different tack. I asked him if he was really serious about playing. He replied, “yes”.

I talked to him about the need to build up his strength and whether he was committed enough to do the work to build some muscle so that he able to match some of the bigger guys on his team.

We then agreed on a strategy. It involves a routine of weights and stamina training. I told him that I would do this with him. My goal is to lose 5 kg and his is to gain 5kg.

Over the past couple of weeks we have been doing this together. Three times a week we try to run up a large hill near our place. This is to help with stamina.

The first morning was hard going for both of us. We spent about half our time walking. The really amazing thing was that I noticed that my son starting speaking to me in sentences again. This is a little surprising because like most 15-year-old boys his vocabulary is mostly reduced to the words, “I don’t know”. Or, other monosyllabic answers that don’t always make sense.

We started having a conversation. It was about stuff that I know little about. It was about things like YouTuber’s that are getting boring. Evidently there are people who earn their way by posting videos online and getting millions of viewers.

I have found for that period of time when we are working out I am able to enter his world. We are connecting together over a common goal.

The surprise for me is that what I thought was going to be the main thing is not the main thing. What I thought was the main thing has now become the second most important thing. The main thing that is emerging is a new conversation that is connecting us in a really lovely way.

This main thing is the relationship that is emerging out of this conversation. It feels like one of the most satisfying things that I do most days.

In a busy world where there are so many things to achieve it hit me that my most important achievements are in the relationships that I have. The blessing of satisfying work is emerges from the quality of the relationships in the workplace. Productive work is a bi product of the health of the relationships.

The quality of the conversations is an indicator of how things are going. The deeper the conversation the greater the capacity for healthier relationships.

For a long time I have sought to grasp something of the essence of the connections that develop between employees, the workplace and those who are companions on the way. I began my journey using the term mentor because of the personal attraction that I felt to that term and some of its mythology. But, recently this notion was challenged due to the nature of the desired relationships that are being sought

David Whyte talks about the ways in which help is brought to people in organisations. He talks of transactional helping relationships such as, coaches, mentors and psychologists, where the nature of the help is usually clearly defined. He describes another kind of help that he terms “invisible help”. This is a more contemplative understanding that has always been with us and has always been true, that is brought out in a conversation.

Wisdom is bringing the visible and the invisible to the surface for someone. It’s the help you don’t know that you need until it’s brought into the conversation. Wisdom is those questions that ask, “What is my relationship to the unknown?” The uncovering of the layers that separate us from that unknown is the way that “wisdom” emerges in our life.

I wonder if this is the surprising, “main thing” that I am looking to uncover? I think with my son I felt like a certain amount of wisdom has come to us.

Another version of Psalm 3

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Trouble surrounds my life,
It’s always close by,
Everyday feels like a struggle,
My best is never good enough,
Someone is always drawing their knife,
Wanting my destruction,
Even when my life is poured out,
My hater drags me down,
He returns love with hate words,
Quickly forgetting what is given.

Each day emerges from my night’s sleep,
In the night I choose to trust God,
He protects me from the evil plotters,
Those who only want for themselves,
Goodness brings out their worst,
And, shows my true heart,
My God protects me from evil,
I sleep well in his loving embrace,

Today I look to God for help,
I will seek what is beautiful,
Even the haters need God’s love,
I will be the winner,
With the assurance of love,
Healing the haters destruction,
Blessing increasing every day.

Promised

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Spoken and unspoken promises,
Stretched into an endless horizon,
A sure promise is the certainty,
Every promise will be broken,
Each one bears my heartache,
Understood more each day.

Every pilgrim’s journey,
Is only found by walking,
With an unknown destination,
That has the frightening prospect,
When the ground below,
Disappears into an eternal abyss.

Each step must be taken,
Into the uncertain promise,
Of what ground lies beneath,
The honest conversation begins,
With that first promise,
A first uncertain step,
Taken with the hope of knowing,
The trust within the promise,
Where the horizon beckons,
With a welcoming embrace,
The place where I always belong.

Don’t worry about a thing – cause everything’s going to be alright

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One of life’s harshest lessons is to recognise that it doesn’t quite measure up to expectations. Life disappoints. This has led me to seek out some reason for some of the injustices that I see during my own life journey. My heart says that if I can find a reason for going through my difficulties then there is a purpose for continuing on. Otherwise, my life would be a series of bitter defeats that ends with a despairing final defeat when I die.

A lament can be defined as a formal expression of deep sorrow. Once written, or brought to a community, or shared with someone else the issue is made official. It can’t be ignored. To fully understand the sorrow of disappointment creates the place where a life transformation can begin. The experience of lamenting for something or someone allows the beautiful truth of hope to be brought forward as a solution that enables a more positive future to be attained.

For a number of years my wife and I have been involved with an orphanage that helps children with HIV in Asia. It started with a couple of ordinary people who heard the cry of a young girl whose future looked very limited. She was malnourished, not getting her needed medication and was close to death. Her life today is full of hope, she is healthy and happy and has a loving family.

Once that child’s cry was heard they sought to discover how justice could be given to children like this little girl. From that simple beginning came a hopeful response to those children whose future didn’t have much to offer. The number of children helped through the organisation that grew out of this response grows each year.

Therefore, for the children an appropriate response to the deep sorrow about the injustice of their situation is to create a place where they can be known and loved. This is an immediate practical outcome of the recognition of a need. The children also require internal healing that comes from their own experience of abandonment and uncertainty because of what they have already faced in their brief life. This is a much more difficult path that I think will take a long time for many of them.

In my own life there are also disappointments that have come in my brief fifty years. My life like most others has had the gamut of human experience. I have experienced the loss of loved ones and known the deep grief that comes with saying goodbye. I have had dreams quashed by harsh words. There have been friends who have deserted me in times of great need. All of these experiences are to some extent unremarkable because they happen to us all at some point in our lives.

One of the things that was most helpful to me was to acknowledge the deep sorrow that comes with those disappointments. I could choose to try to explain them as inconsequential, or excuse the behaviours that caused the disappointment. But, if that as the only way I had to deal with all the injustices that I see in the world would end up even more disappointed.

My Version of Psalm 13

I have waited impatiently Lord,
Trapped in my own fears,
Sad and full of self blame,
For my failures.

Waiting means uncertainty and anxiety,
And, in the meantime,
It looks like I am passive,
Letting others run over me,
They say I am a failure,
They even think they are better than You.

Waiting means trusting,
Certain of your love,
Instead of being anxious,
I will look for expressions of your eternal love,
Life’s eternal breath,
Breathed into me,
Gives me a confident voice,
Daily declaring your goodness.
The steps that I have discovered out of my reflection on Psalm 13 that contribute to a healthy lament are as follows:

  1. Disappointment
  2. Uncertainty and anxiety
  3. Waiting
  4. Listening
  5. Hope

There is a progression from being let down in some way to a gamut of emotions and responses that lie between it. Part of the healing process always involves listening to God’s voice. My experiences in the Psalms are crucial expressions of me learning to listen to God and be more responsive to his words, rather than just hearing some of the less helpful words that can be said to me.

In this reflection on Psalm 13 I was thinking about how out of my own sense of failure and anxiety some beautiful truths emerged. Learning to trust in the midst of uncertainty was one of the hardest lessons. My first response is usually to try to create my own solutions. There was one period in my life when I was depressed and even with my optimistic nature I couldn’t think of a single way to help myself. No matter what my desire was I was helpless to bring about my own solution.

For a period of time I had to wait. This was a difficult time of uncertainty and anxiety where I was forced to do nothing. I used the words, “I have waited impatiently Lord” to express the internal conflict that often is there when waiting. For a long time I felt like I was waiting with no expectation of what was arriving. This was a daunting prospect to face each day.

Deep sorrow, properly lamented points to hope. It helps us find our true north again. This new certainty began emerging for me as I spent more time in stillness and listening to God. To be fully realised it started with a lament about my deep disappointment. But, as I waited and listened I discovered a fresh sense of hope emerging. I found that over and over I was able to find more and more to celebrate in my life. Even just over two years since he died there are still times when I think about my Dad and feel a tinge of sadness that he’s not with us anymore. Yet from that sadness I am able to return to a more hopeful place much more quickly because of a future that I look forward to.

Finally from Psalm 35 is another lament where David is reflecting on his own deep disappointment with the way he was let down by those who had once relied upon. He struggled with the way they turned on him after he had offered these people friendship and loyalty. Sometimes he even put his own life on the line for their sake. All this was received with little gratitude. Plots betraying the trust that David gave seemed like regular occurrences throughout his life. Yet it was these experiences and his responses that gave him the recognition that he was a, “man after God’s own heart”.

A reflection on Psalm 35

Why do some people seem hell-bent on my destruction?
They are well armed,
Wielding their weapons of mass destruction,
Against me personally.
What do I do with my enemies God?

I don’t wish ill on anyone yet I still have enemies,
God I am turning to you to protect me.
When someone comes against me,
With attacks that don’t let up,
Even when they have me down,
They keep coming with more vindictiveness,
Watching for every opportunity
To put in the knife,
Stabbing me in the back,
Twisting it to cause maximum pain,
This is really is an attack against you, God.

For a long time,
I thought you were ignoring me,
Enemies were gloating at my distress,
I was trying to do my best,
My best was never good enough,
Every little failure was an opportunity,
To twist that knife a little more,
To make sure that I could never feel good.

One day justice will be done,
All in your good time God,
You will turn their gloating into a cry for help,
Lies will be exposed,
Truth will win out in the end,
This will be your opportunity God,
To set things right.

In the meantime,
I will keep serving you wholeheartedly,
I will keep trusting you have my best interests,
This will be an opportunity to tell others about you.

 

Another version of Psalm 2

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All the grandiose plans people make,
Thinking that they are God,
Believing they control destinies,
Saying, “I don’t need God”,
Are piling up their stupidities,
The more plans and words,
Increases the amount of foolishness.

God is not intimidated by their words,
Even their feeble arrogance,
Quickly quivers before God’s presence,
Contempt ignores God’s warnings,
Until God finally brings justice home.

Everything is set right again,
My inheritance is put in place,
God’s promises to me fulfilled,
My enemies will be shattered,
Their words become their condemnation,
Illusions of grandeur quickly destroyed.

My happiness is found with God,
The lessons of trust are learned,
I see the warning signs of disloyalty,
They are quickly dealt with,
There is only room for serving God,
My day begins and ends with loving Him,
Joy is found knowing his protection.

Another version of Psalm One

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Temptation has a million enticing words,
That seek to give false hope,
Always centred on evil intentions,
That believe arrogance will trump Eternity,
Always wanting to build themselves up,
By plotting my destruction.

My happiness is found in God,
Temptation’s words bounce off me,
I am grounded in God’s truth,
My purest delight is discovered,
Firmly rooted in Eternity’s truth,
I watch temptation’s words,
Get swept away to nothing,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
No substance in their false promises,
The temptor faces his destruction,
His own words become his condemnation,
While I live in God’s approval.

Love’s open arms

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The open arms of love,
Stretch from eternity to my heart,
Born from loving desire.
Voice, Breath and Spirit,
Speaking in a beautiful whisper,
That lights my heart’s fire,
Warming in the fiercest winter,
Sweet coolness in the barren desert,
Celebrating life given,
Created for loving embrace,
Drawn together in perfect harmony,
Beautifully crafted,
Eternity’s desires completed,
When the beloved comes home.

A reflection on Psalm 119:169 – 176

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My heart understands the pure joy,
Of knowing my pleas for help are heard,
Not just a voice lost in the crowd,
Out of all my sadness,
Every difficulty known,
All my despairing thoughts,
Friends deafened to my grief,
Every hate filled word.

All of this,
Is completely surrounded by praise,
Salvation’s words are my song,
No condemnation is left for me,
Even though I lost my way,
God’s eye was on me,
Never lost, always loved,
I know this completely,
My life lived in confident praise.

Home’s door is wide open,
Its welcome mat,
Bears my feet’s imprint,
I entered its rest,
Life is now continuous joy,
A celebration of loving acceptance,
Of my God’s generous love,
His heart opened wide,
To embrace me forever.

A reflection on Psalm 119: 145 -168

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My heart is open to all of God’s words,
I dabbled in the selfish life,
Thinking that I could do it alone,
It was only as the new dawn came,
When I began my day offering brokenness
That everything started making sense again,
With nothing hidden,
Everything became very clear,
Deceit makes its wily plans,
Trying always to skirt around your truth.

When it all went belly up for me,
I drew closer to God,
I had nowhere else to go,
Alone but always with God,
When Hatred screamed at me,
You useless pile of dung,
You don’t belong to me,
My life turned completely around,
Death’s intention stopped in its tracks,
Completely stopped by Grace.

As Grace drew to his full height,
I saw Hatred’s pitiful last gasps breathed,
Still spitting out his wretched lies,
Down to his last believer – himself,
Leading himself down the road to death,
Grace and peace giving no air to hatred,
It suffocates on its own death vomit,
I love being safe in Grace’s arms,
The one called beloved,
Enjoying my name being called out,
For everyone to hear who I belong to,
Nothing unseen – every part loved.

Alone

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Alone is the truest question,
Where shadow,
Sees light,
That seeks out,
My sincerest emotion,
And,
Asks,
Is this really me?

Alone is my questions,
From my path,
Belonging to me,
No one else,
That deepest part of me,
And,
Asks,
Where do I belong?

Alone brings uncertainty,
To the surface,
The question,
I don’t want asked,
Giving me difficult answers,
And,
Asks,
Will you take the next step?

Choose your own conversation

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The Conversation I Choose

Words spoken from my heart,
The conversation,
Beginning with my yearnings,
Continuing,
With every soul touching mine,
Each word bears a wounding,
Inflicted by the blows,
Given in daily interactions,
Of billions of aching souls.

Questions brought by confusion,
Found in self interested desire,
Seeking selfish answers,
Distractions,
From the conversation needed,
The broken hearted response,
Sheltered by Grace,
Spoken by love’s source,
Living my own conversation,

The conversation,
That belongs to me,
Is the one that begins today,
Starting,
With the conversation I choose,
Words that belong in the past,
No longer a part,
Of what lies ahead,
New words begin shaping.

The conversation that I choose.

What is the conversation that I choose?

As I wrote this poem I was trying to explore the question: What is the conversation that I am choosing to have today? It came after a couple of recent events that made me realise that I have started making decisions about the conversation that I am seeking to have with my world. Yes, is not always the word that is used in some of these conversations.

My first experience was when I was challenged about my research proposal. I was confronted about my ideas whether my key term mentor was still an appropriate term to use for what I was seeking to try to implement in my professional and personal life.

When I listened to what I was saying in my proposal I realised that the essence of what I was seeking when I started remained but the term “mentor” was no longer sufficient to capture what I am trying to explore. It was a tough decision to say no to the work that I had done up to that point and then bury my head for a week or so and rewrite some important parts of my research proposal. There were parts of my that wanted to cling to the old questions because they were comfortable and familiar.

Then I was also invited to begin a conversation that was not really going to be a conversation. I could see that the invitation would only serve the other person’s desire to bring their answers to the discussion. Such a conversation again requires a no. This is because the conversation will only be about their distractions that they will seek to impose on me.

When I said this no I felt a level of winsomeness about the potential that I hoped for in the relationship. Like most people I long for those deep conversations where the things that really matter can be explored together. Sadly, this potential may never be realised in this relationship.

James Altucher last book is called: Choose Yourself. It’s written in his quirky style brings many good points about the way in which we need to explore our own creativeness.

I think if I were to write a book it might centre more around choosing my own conversation. I wonder if a good working title might be? “Choose your own conversation – Your guide to healthy relationships”. For now I started with an exploration with this poem, beginning with my yearnings and finishing with the choices about the conversation that I choose to have with myself and my world today.

A reflection on Psalm 119:121-144

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In my search for what is right and good,
I see how hatred strikes out,
With a lashing tongue,
Words that speak his evil heart,
The more said – the clearer it becomes,
Hatred and love in the final face off,
Staring each other down,
I see hate withering,
As love’s gaze brings truth to light,
I stand with love today,
Knowing the truth that lives in me,
Saved from the darkest depression,
By learning the word, “Beloved”.

Tiredness is this world’s search,
For the way that things should be,
Love is treated with disdain,
Consumed by the world’s hunger for more,
Never satisfied; always wanting,
It says that I don’t matter,
Forgetfulness of truth is no excuse,
For when truth’s eternal reign,
Shows what is born from hate,
Fear will be cast aside,
And, love shall live forever more.

The conversation I choose

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Words spoken from my heart,
The conversation,
Beginning with my yearnings,
Continuing,
With every soul touching mine,
Each word bears a wounding,
Inflicted by the blows,
Given in daily interactions,
Of billions of aching souls.

Questions brought by confusion,
Found in self interested desire,
Seeking selfish answers,
Distractions,
From the conversation needed,
The broken hearted response,
Sheltered by Grace,
Spoken by love’s source,
Living my own conversation,

The conversation,
That belongs to me,
Is the one that begins today,
Starting,
With the conversation I choose,
Words that belong in the past,
No longer a part,
Of what lies ahead,
New words begin shaping.

The conversation that I choose.

A reflection on Psalm 119:97- 120

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Eternity’s heartbeat is heard through time,
Giving life to all creation’s activity,
Brought together by your hand,
As the most beautiful sign of love,
Your love understood by your words,
Speaking directly to me,
Heaven’s doors opening to my heart,
Seeing my seeking heart,
That yearns to belong to its source.

Still the hatred continues,
Even though it’s brings its own death,
Its only desire is for itself,
Wanting to cling to my life,
Speaking words that are hatred’s burden,
Trying to confound truth’s path,
I will put all I have in God’s hands,
The hatred given totally to him,
This gives me freedom in all I do,
To be completely obedient to God,
No need to look at the distractions,
That the hater uses to hide truth.

My best defence is obedience to God,
Complete faithfulness to his plans,
I will let the hater wallow in his outbursts,
I will put his words far behind me,
My strength will be in living wholeheartedly,
Hatred’s putrid stench will be left behind,
Its aweful fragrance a distant memory,
My life is seeking the one thing,
Submitting my desires to knowing God’s pleasure.

A Reflection on Psalm 119:65-96

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My uncertain path is now clearly laid out,
Understanding brings responsibility,
Even correction from God is kind,
Sometimes the sudden jolt of his reality,
Stops me in my tracks,
But, then I listen and hear wisdom,
My deepest sadness was God’s kindness,
The liar is lost in his own foolishness,
I seek wisdom and its confidence,
Intelligence is stupid unless it’s obedient.

Stupidity’s accusations don’t worry me at all,
They are all founded on his own lies,
Believed only by those who share his madness,
Self attributed honour is foolishness in action,
The more given the greater is is his descent,
Money is a pitiful god that brings no glory,
The appearance of success quickly dissipates,
His shallow victory will become his millstone,
Its weight gets heavier each day,
Hatred’s vomit words now his constant reminder,
Of the foolishness of arrogance,
And, of God’s promises to his beloved.

My morning begins with a shout of praise to God,
Tiredness from the battle is completely gone,
The memories of a defeated life forgotten,
Lies completely replaced by truth,
They have no place in my life,
Faithfulness brings its own confidence,
That my God’s trustworthy justice,
Even now, is setting it all right,
I remember this each morning,
The liars accusations now sound pitiful,
When surrounded by praise to God,
My sadness replaced by constant hope,
Obedience’s desires are God’s promises,
Of the joy that is mine to have.

A Reflection on Psalm 119:41-64

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The morning dawned with the flush of love’s smile,
Words that sought my destruction cast aside,
They have no place in my hopeful world,
That seeks out your Spirit’s breath,
Whispering holy words of fresh hope,
Human judgements transformed by kindness,
I face the day with freedom and lightness.

When I was really at my worst moment,
I had given up on myself,
I thought I was unlovable, worthless,
God remembered my name, “Beloved”,
All around me the death words fell,
Attacking me with hate filled heart,
Trying to control my life on his terms,
Forgetting all about God’s way,
Now I don’t care about death’s rebuke,
I choose the life of the beloved,
Seeking love’s way in all I do,
Never forgetting how close death is.