Chris Gribble

Be yourself - Everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)

Meditation – Abandonment

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Read this Prayer of abandonment. It is Charles de Foucauld’s translation of the prayer Jesus taught us to pray, Our Father.

It does not become your prayer until the words become your thoughts, feeling & action.

Father,

I abandon myself into your hands;
Do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.

Let only your will be done in me,
& in all your creatures-
I wish no more than this, O Lord.
Into your hands I commend my soul;
I offer it to you with all the love of my
Heart,

For I love you Lord,
& so need to give myself,
To surrender myself into your hands,
Without reserve,
& with boundless confidence,
For you are my Father.

  • What part of this prayer do you find most easy to pray?
  • What is most difficult?

Read & Contemplate this prayer again but instead of addressing it to the Father, put in the names of the people with whom you live & work each day. (Tom, Mary, Jane, etc. “I abandon myself into your hands.”

  • How does this affect your prayer?
  • Is it possible to give yourself to another in this way?
  • What do you find possible to say?
  • What do you find most difficult?
  • How could we dare trust ourselves to another person so totally?
  • Would it be good for them?
  • Would I be good for us?
  • What would happen if we did?\What would happen if someone entrusted themselves totally to me?

We forget the awesome creative power we have in each other’s lives. When someone trusts us totally & completely, they compel us to grow, to measure up to their love, to become what they want us to be. Each of us has incredible power to enable each person in the measure we believe in them., hope in them & love in them into the fullness which they never recognized in themselves. Such love & trust from another can be humbling & frightening. At times we are more comfortable with our enemies or strangers that do not ask this of us.

The more honest we are with ourselves, the more we see that we do not & cannot pray like this.

Only Jesus is able to pray like this, & only he is able to say “Father” with the fullest depth of his being. We can’t pray the PRAYER OF ABANDONMENT. This is Jesus’ prayer alone. But if we desire, Jesus will teach us & enable us to pray his prayer.

Now listen to Jesus pray this prayer to you. In the place of “Father” & “Lord,” put your own name & take time to try & listen to the way Jesus says your name, the way he calls you.

A Church Blessing

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Luke 6:32 ff.

Lord I ask for a blessing for our church today,
I pray for hearts gathered who love lavishly
I ask that we will cry often for the sadnesses we know,
And, be willing to see clearly,
Our world’s sadnesses through your eyes,
Help us to live with no illusions of false promises,
Instead plan to live with ever increasing faith,
That you will take this mustard seed and help us grow
Help us to be kind,
When all around us is selfish conceits,
Help us to be kind,
When we give to others,
Give us the regret free life,
Lived out of love, 
Help us to be kind.
Amen.

“I survive on the breath you are finished with”. John Mayer

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There are many times when I am not satisfied with my conversations. Recently I have been part of a bigger conversation that has saddened me in the lack of love and grace that has been given.

A friend of mine shared this line the other day and it has sat with me. Out of this came my beginning reflections. Wondering about what is it I am leaving – my breath – my essence? What will remain as my conversation begins and ends and continues.

“I survive on the breath you are finished with”. John Mayer

Love is breathed in
From the gasp
Exhaled
In a word
That finishes
Or, begins a conversation.

Seeking what loves says
Is a gift
That gives and receives
Life, shared,
Not taken,
Forming new life,
A womb of air,
Creating,
Nurturing,
Seeking,
Protecting
What is given,
Exhaling, life.

When I wonder

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This poem was written in a quiet moment when I stopped working for a couple of hours. I was in the middle of my favourite walk when I sat for an hour in the middle of a large natural reserve where I love to walk. I was recognising as I step back into light my recent dip in mood. I am not sure if you call this “depression” but I think its words were trying to make themselves heard.

Even though I feel lighter now, nothing has changed. I still question God about his plans for my life. These questions are not answered by the usual bible verses about his plans always being good for me, or knowing what I am going through is all part of a grander plan. Honestly, verses like this aren’t much use to me and how I feel now.

My life is full of good things, I have a good marriage, I have plenty of work. I have a home to live in but, having these things leads me to other questions about my worth, my understanding of joy and my desire for purpose. This is not about being ungrateful for what I have. I live with a deep sense of gratitude for what I do have. I don’t want to just settle with what I have even in its goodness. I want to feel this deeper ache to its fullest.

This want to feel deeply not a desire for self flagellation or to deny myself of good things. It’s about keeping these good things in their place and recognising that there is still more that God has for me.

I find it’s good questions that lead me forward. Fullness isn’t found in the easily spoken answers that keeps everything in nice tidy boxes. No, I find it’s those questions that lead me to as sense of wonder, where my imagination is able to take hold in the midst of the question and lead me into further possibilities. A good question allows me to understand all the fullness of who I am and reveals those parts that are less than full.

When I wonder

Sometimes
I wonder
Why God isn’t clear
About his intentions
When surrounded
By beauty
I am
Lost in random purpose
Even the small voice
Is quiet
My imagination
Stifled
In this silence

I question
Everything,
I once believed
Reality is different
In the presence of my questions
I doubt God understands
When silence
Is his response.

I carry a weight
Of longing
Uncomfortably
On this path
Not knowing
What lies beyond
My present unknowing
Living with unformed questions
Inviting me forward.

Psalm Sixty-Seven – Latest Version

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Every day begins with applause for the Creator,
The dawn brings the sounds of new beginnings,
Creation’s pleasure begins with praise,
Knowing that all this belongs to our Creator,
Brought together in holy harmony,
Discovering the heart of belonging,
Found in His plan of seeking the loyal heart,
And guiding us to our home of rest.

Blessing comes at the right time,
Bringing love to the broken life,
Love that replaces despair’s darkness,
And, strikes fear for contempt’s bitter stare,
My life begins with praise today,
Sure of my life’s calling to blessing.

Psalm Sixty-Six – Latest Version

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Awesome wonder begins my day,
When it starts with considering God,
A song of thanks bursts from my heart,
Everywhere I look my amazement grows,
Surrounded by Love’s handiwork,
The hater’s are left with no comeback,
Denying the obvious leaves egg on their face.

Visiting my special God place each day,
Opens my eyes more and more,
Impossible is his starting point,
Creation is never hampered by humanity,
Our feeble attempts at control don’t matter,
We are called to join a grander plan,
That calls us to a greater wholeness,
Beyond our imagination’s glimpses of reality.

Life is Eternity’s gift to me today,
The dark nights end with a beautiful dawn,
Salvation became the spacious rest,
The unhurried gift that comes at the right time,
The tearing down that wrenched my heart,
Became a beautiful work of restoration,
My God desire accepted by Eternal grace.

I heard this whisper of hope this morning,
It filled my heart with the sweet pain of love,
The relief of being heard again,
When I thought my situation was hopeless,
Love gently lifted me into caring safety,
A voice of certain trust and love’s desire,
Spoken with intimate longing,
His words again given to me.

Stop

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Stop here
This strange place
With uncertain sounds
All around
Unexpected delaying
Waiting
This task, now,
Asking to stay here,
Telling me to
stop,
My abrupt halt,
Awkwardly positions,
Uncomfortably
That next step, waiting,
One foot stretched out
Anticipating,
What’s next
What could be
Not, yet.

Quiet,
Stop speaking,
Stop moving,
Stop here,
Stop.

What the forest says

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The rustle in the forest
The sounds of life,
Scurrying away 
From my noisy passing by,
My clumping footsteps,
Disrupting the life’s flow,
Goannas running up trees,
Echidnas arming spikes,
The birds flitting around,
Bush turkeys scratching at their piles,
The place where life finds me,
Where I join this life filled world.

And I wonder, Why?
What makes me run away;
Or, bunker down in self defence;
Or, flit from one thing to the next;
Or, this deep desire;
To build my home from straw.

Inhale

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When I inhale
The forest air
The same breathe
As the psalmist
I feel the same questions
Rising up.

I hear the cry
Of being forgotten
Not heard
I see
All around
Voices crying with me.

Questions that leave me
Wondering
What is it I desire?
What is it I really feel?
Didn’t I breath deep enough.

So I go to where I am alone
To inhale
Listening to the chatter
Birds singing
A morning blessing
My welcome
To today.

I inhale
And breath
Waiting impatiently
For a whisper
Speaking to my questions
Hoping
That my breath
Is not wasted
In this moment
Shared with the birds
And their blessing.

When I want to find God

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If I want to find myself,
I write a poem,
That searches out my feelings,
My foolish dreams and ideas,
But, I find myself tiring,
Of myself,
Never satisfied,
Always wanting,
Believing half truths
Always aching,
Uncertain,
Always ……

When I want to find God,
I start with love,
I find my satisfactions,
Half truths,
Aches,
Uncertainties,
Are heard, seen,
Touched,
Soothed,
Loved for what they are,
For what I am,
And, I pray,
Starting with –
My Father,
My forgiver,
My Lord, here I am,
Thank you.

Everything

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Surrender,
Comes, with time,
Capitulation to love,
Requires, everything.

Recesses,
Gathering safe secrets,
Everything, hidden,
Except, my deepest knowing,
Who is ungathering,
Everything.

Safety,
Isn’t held, or found,
By anything in this world
Everything,
Will pass from this life,
Waiting for love,
To hold,
Everything.

Letting go,
Of everything,
Waiting for love,
Just now,
Takes everything,
To believe,
Trust,
For everything.

Prayer – For crossing into a new way

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I didn’t know where to start with God this morning. So I just wrote a prayer about what was on my heart.

Prayer – For crossing into a new way

Lord, my uncharted path,
That leads me past each one of my fears,
Who day by day stare at me,
Wanting me to back down, retreat,
Into a world of safe choices, easy living,
It would be so easy, today, to surrender,
But, my heart, my restless heart,
Doesn’t settle in this world,
Everything it gives – a junk food binge
Only leaves a hunger for more.

Be with my faithful path today,
This path of simple obediences,
Serving today, here, not over there!

I ask now for a bigger dream –
That I won’t settle for easy satisfactions,
I ask that this sadness I feel –
Will remind me of how beautiful love is,
I ask that I will stop to listen to you –
So I don’t forget our conversations,
I ask that I will not give in to easy temptations –
I want my hunger to be for Eternity,
I ask that I will be patient –
Waiting isn’t one of my strong points.

Now, as this day begins,
I trust it to you, completely,
Knowing that this new way,
Is your way,
Thank you for reminders, Like
how a new day begins,
How a conversation with you,
Starts with prayer,
It always starts with prayer,
I pray this new way, will be your way.

1000 miles of connection

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When travelling for hours and hours together I thought a lot about what was important in life. Over and over as I hear men’s stories I am reminded of how important father’s are to their sons. I trust that a road trip allowed the space for what is important to be demonstrated and spoken to my son.

1000 miles of connection

What lies between the first mile
And the next one thousand,
Isn’t about a number,
Or, the planned destination,
One thousand miles of connection,
Is time shared watching white lines
Flow past, hour after hour,
Endless stretches,
Broken and unbroken lines,
Black bitumen stretching out,
Signposts saying we’re not there,
Not by a long shot,
Open horizons,
Making room for a conversation.

A thousand mile conversation
Is mostly about silence,
Pauses, between signposts,
Landmarks, glancing by,
Reminders of where we are,
Waiting patiently for us to arrive,
And go on, quickly,
Small surprises found along the road,
Shaping the next few words, then,
passed and forgotten,
This conversation that waited till now,
Taking a lifetime, plus one thousand miles.

Now, this conversation,
With its hours of silence,
And, endless black bitumen,
Connecting over a thousand shared miles,
With a tender emerging almost man,
The one shaped by my presence,
My words, creating his story,
Words that he will tell his son,
Reminding me, a truth I can neglect,
All it needed was a thousand miles.

A prayer for a sincere heart

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Blessed are ….

A prayer for a sincere heart

Blessed is the bruised and broken,
Beloved, you bear the scars of faithfulness,
May your healing be complete.

Blessed is the one who loves justice,
Beloved, continue to burn for what is true,
Be one who loves the least of these.

Blessed is the one who hopes for a different future,
Beloved look at adversity with a glint of courage in your eye,
Be one who never gives up.

Blessed is the one where failure isn’t the last word,
Beloved look death in the eye.
Be one who chooses life.

Exile

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I wrote this as I thought about what’s happening inside me at this time. The word exile came through as I reflected and felt unsure of even God’s voice as I wait.

Between the promised land
And, the place that once was home,
Is exile,
The desert lying between,
Silence and silence,
Waiting, for a word
Or, a light to guide,
The same ground trod
As each day travels past
Staying here,
Exiled.

In the wilderness
Day and night are one,
It doesn’t matter
If it’s the sun or the moon,
Shining,
In this place,
Where the silence shouts
But, no one hears,
Too busy,
Lost in the past,
Or, seeking a new promise.
Alone, speaks loudly here,
Exiled.

Exile, not belonging here,
Sore feet
From the hot earth,
Bruised and lost,
Believing,
Even the fire in the cloud
has lost its way,
The Voice chooses silence,
In the midst of noisy complaint,
Silence, quietens fear,
Fear, that feeds on doubt,
Learning,
Uncertainty, needs to wait,
And listen,
The hard lessons,
In exiled.

From Uncertainty

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From uncertainty comes vague unease
The not knowing,
When all I want, is to know
Turmoil that rises up,
Its biting acid,
Creating an acrid taste,
Rising out of my uncertainty
As my world turns
Without the slightest touch
of my hand.

I don’t love uncertainty,
I want adventure,
And, all its thrills
But, not this feeling of not knowing
Uncertainty and distance
At the same time
Being squeezed
Everything coming closer
Then the distance, lonely spaces
Adventure feels different from within.

From uncertainty comes insight
The knowing after
Aha! Here it is
I wish I knew before
That light beckoning me
Was the one I was always to follow
The world is always turning
Leaving me to wonder
Why from the uncertain lonely spaces
Are the places where I am found.

In Case I Forget

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In case I forget
Where is home,
What is mine,
I am reminded,
After absence
By my daughters joyous hug,
And, how
Joy flutters, in me
Briefly, her loveliness
Stays, visiting intensely,
Then she will pass by,
Leaving,released
Into her joy
Hoping its expansive arms
Wrap around me, too,

I sometimes forget
What belongs to me
Where is home,
Forgetting to rest,
Absent,
I forget the joy, waiting,
The flutter
Arriving to my inner parts
The need to stay right here
Now,
My daughter’s hug
Reminds me
Just in case I forget.

Too Soon

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Each year since Dad has died I have written a poem to remember him. I am writing this poem as these thoughts came as I spent time at his graveside a little while ago.

I have great memories of my Dad who lived out his life simply and faithfully.

TOO SOON

Soon, came too quick,
For me –
The day arrives, too soon,
When reality, sadness, joy, laughter,
And, tears,
Are all invited
To share around a hospital bed
Too soon.

The years of life given and shared,
I didn’t think about soon,
Or, goodbye,
I thought it was always later,
Till I said goodbye here,
And, I wondered about God,
Did he see?
My deepest sadness, asking,
Why?
I wanted a different answer
To what he gave me, then,
Because, faith came too soon.

Years counted of a life lived
don’t matter,
It’s too soon
To think about goodbye,
But, now I do,
Often,
All the sadness, joy, laughter,
And, tears,
Childhood memories
of a faithful life,
Inviting me to love, today,
Wholeheartedly.

The Sun Runs Away

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A number of years ago I was in Holland for a conference. It was there I experienced twilight and the soft fading from sunlight to darkness that takes hours to complete.

I wrote this as I consider how to face realities of how life has its cycles, ups and downs and sometimes fading and waiting.

It seems to happen too often, too regularly.

The sun runs away
Every day,
Fading to moonlight’s softer
darkness, waiting,
Till eyes adjust to paler light,
I run too,
Running every day
Pretending darkness isn’t coming,
I run,
From the certain arrival,
Of disappointment,
I run,
Looking for light,
I run
After the sun,
Even when it runs away.

Closer to Now

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A few days ago Tobi (My son) and I climbed Mt Coolum. He remembered trying to make it to the top when he was much younger but fear overwhelmed him and he didn’t make it.

This time we did make it, easily. The old fears pushed aside to make room for the awesome view that was waiting for us.

CLOSER TO NOW

The edge comes close
Closer to now…
I think of the unnamed fears
Wanting to stay, blinkering
The wide eyed view – waiting
Seen with breathless exhaustion
Brings me close, closer to now.

I think of the unnamed fears
Rushing around my head
Capturing thoughts over and over
In the prison of; What if!
Thinking the worst is yet to come
This downward path of regret
Going deeper into fear’s darkness.

Wanting to stay, blinkering
what could be seen, if
I trust the path upwards
Fear left behind, or a reminder
Where courage was needed
Each step closer, now is waiting.

The wide eyed view – waiting
Isn’t seen if a closed heart
And, vain conceit, stays rooted
Choosing deceitful glimpses up
Through fear tinged eyes,
Not moving – not seeing
What could be, left waiting.

Seen with breathless exhaustion
The view, stretching the endless horizon
Beckons, closer, willing me to see
What lies beyond close, reaching
To something new, awakening,
Slaying old dragons, locked away
Till now, came close, ready to be slain.

The edge comes close, too close
Now, I see what fear tried to hide
The breathless climb, takes me
To where I didn’t want to go, now
Now I am closer, to where I want to be.