Chris Gribble

Be yourself - Everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)

ABC’s of Fatherhood – I

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Integrity – To me integrity is not being always right but being consistent. This is one of the most important character traits to demonstrate. When dealing with your kids they will quickly pick up on your inconsistencies. And, more often than not they will point them out to you as well.

They will be the one’s who most closely observe you face adversities, they will see you react when you are cut off in the traffic, they will be on the receiving end of discipline, they will see you when you are tired and frustrated and worried.

I have to ask myself as a father am I a big enough man to be able to face myself honestly to admit when I am wrong, to face my fears, to control my frustrations, to cope honestly with worry and to deal with my anger.

This is the foundation of living with integrity. It allows no room for hidden pockets of dishonesty. It requires an openness in my relationships with my kids to allow them to see who I really am not just to try and portray an image of who I would like to be. As a father I would be foolish to try and do anything but this because of my kids are wise and they can see through any pretense anyway.

The ABC’s of being a Father: F – H

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Forgive – its up to you to be the adult. Learn this lesson from your kids. Forgive others for somethng that has been done against you. It is the best lesson that you can give.

Give – Show your kids what it means to give something back to your community. Set aside some of your income to allow plenty of opportunities to demonstrate to your kids. Sponsor a child, support a charity, give to your church.

Humility – your kids will be able to know if you have any pride. The best way to deal with this is to be a humble person. Be prepared to say that I was wrong. It will not diminish your stature with the kids in fact the opposite will be true.

My Bob (AKA Toby). One of the people who helps me to forgive, encourages me to give and always keeps me humble

Discipline – What do children really need?

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Discipline with love

This is one of the hardest things that I have found with my children. I thought that that in my role as parent that it would come naturally. When I saw something being done wrong I would punish that behaviour and my child would change their behaviour to suit me.

Wake up Chris.

It is easy to discipline when annoyed or angry but to discipline in love requires that I can discipline myself. Loving discipline requires the onging forgiveness when the lesson isn’t learned the first time. Why does every meal have a similar theme. Didn’t I punish the kids last night for not eating their meal? Why don’t they come immediately when I call? Why is there always one more thing to watch on TV?

Discipline requres that I act consistently. Although they might not respond consistently as the adult I need to give my kids the boundaries that they need. Without them learning these boundaries they will grow up to become irresponsible adults.

Really discipline is all about love. The longer you wait to disciplne the longer the child has to wait to understand that facet of a loving relationship. By taking the time to correct something within your child it demonstrates that you care about their present and their future. It dignifies them as a human being because it says that they are special to you.

The heart of discipline is love.

Rules for discipline:

1. Make sure that it dignifies the child – talk to the child about what is going on.
2. Never do it publicly it will humiliate the child
3. It needs to be consistent
4. Don’t correct every detail of your child’s life
5. Start young – when they can understand what is going on.
6. For teenagers you don’t have to win every battle.They are learning to be adults and you must teach them how to respond when things don’t go their way.
7. Always allow room for your child to fail – Discipline must be reasonable
8. Learn to understand your child – Every child is different and so discipline will need to be appropriate to that child’s needs
9. Discipline isn’t an act it is a lifestyle of modelling and teaching.

The first time

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My daughter lost her first tooth yesterday. It was an event that we had waited for almost a week from when we first noticed that it had become loose. That week was quite an exciting week in which I proposed a number of options to enable the tooth fairy to come early.

One was to tie some string around her tooth and for her to lay in bed while I shut the door. This would mean that her tooth could be quickly pulled. Another was to send my son to the toolbox to find some pliers. I assured Sophia that this could be quick as well. She didn’t take me up on any of my offers.

But the big day did finally arrive. The tooth came out. She went to bed very excited that sometime during the night the tooth fairy would come. And, it did. Sophia knew this because it left fairy dust on her bed and some money in her tooth jar.

Sometimes a bit a fantasy is nice in life. We get rid of Santa and fairies and fun too soon in our children’s lives. Sometimes I think that we need to hold onto those things more in life. It may not make us more successful but it will make life a lot more fun.

The ABC’s of being a Father

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 A. Allow time for lots of questions. Our four year old son’s favorite question at the moment is, “Why?” These are important things for him and need to be answered.

B. Be there. I know that this is stating the obvious but if you are not there kids know. And don’t try to excuse not being there by talking about quality time. Of course we need to spend quality time but we make the quality by investing in the quantity.

C. Care for the whole family. One of the best investments that you can make for your kids as a father is to care properly for their mother. How else are your sons going to know how to treat women and how are your daughters going to know how the men in their life are to be treated.

D. Dare to see life as an adventure. I know that kids need to see stability but life is also an adventure and needs to be lived to its fullest.

E. Encourage lots. Don’t fall into the trap of endessly criticising you kids expecting perfection. Be happy when they nearly get things right.

more coming……..

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5 Lessons my Dad taught me

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 1. Work hard – he is 70 and works three jobs not because he has to but because he enjoys himself. I admire his work ethic.
2. Don’t just say I love you – live it. I can only remember Dad saying I love you once after I had gotten drunk and been a complete idiot at 16. That meant a lot to me but I know that everything Dad has done is an expression of his love for me. More than saying it he has lived it faithfully.
3. Be faithful to your wife – They have been married for over 40 years
4. Be interested in everything – Dad has his nose in everything. If he doesn’t know he will find out.
5. Keep learning – Dad is still willing to have a go at many things even starting a new career at 70. He hasn’t stopped learning yet!

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14 Things I love about my wife

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1. Her smile – it is beautiful
2. Her loyalty – she hasn’t given up even after 14 years
3. Her cooking – its what started the whold adventure
4. Her caring nature – she always responds compassionately to others
5. She is a great mother – she knows stuff
6. Her love of God – a shared spirituality
7. Her honesty – she keeps me honest
8. Her friendship – she is my best friend
9. Her body – I think she is very sexy
10. The way that her eyes laugh
11. Just hanging together – she is the one that I want to do this with
12. Her artistic temperament – I don’t get poetry she does
13. Her willingness to share the uncertainty of my life – I am always trying new things
14. Looking forward to the next 14 together
 
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My ideal job

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  1. I get to read a lot of stuff – I love reading. 
  2.  I get to learn all the time – I really enjoy studying. I know I am a bit weird but it is fun and forces me to read stuff I wouldn’t normally read. And, it helps me think.
  3. I get to help other people learn – I really enjoy teaching. Actually I am about to start teaching a class tonight. I also have a number of online students.
  4. I get to work my own hours – I want to be able to be there for my family and spend time with them
  5. It has something to do with online stuff – I love the online stuff.
  6. It pays enough – who wants to be poor.

My ideal job would involve a combination of all these things. Or, maybe I thinking about a lifestyle.

The connection between spirituality and work

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Bloch and Richmond (1998) developed seven connectors between spirituality and work, each one designed to keep the focus on connection from different aspects of career development. The seven connectors are as follows:

  1. Change: Being open to change in yourself and the world around you
  2. Balance: Achieving balance among the activities of your life such as work, leisure, learning, and family relationships; being able to leave behind that which is no longer useful and to retain core values and useful skills.
  3. Energy: Feeling that you always have enough energy to do what you want to do
  4. Community: Working as a member of a team or community of workers and understanding you are part of communities of companionship; communities of culture; and the cosmic community
  5. Calling: Believing that you are called to the work you do by your particular mix of talents, interests, and values
  6. Harmony: Working in a setting that harmonizes with your talents, interests, and values; working in a setting that permits the experience of flow, a “state of mind when consciousness is harmoniously ordered and they want to pursue whatever they are doing for its own sake” (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990, p. 6)
  7. Unity: Believing that the work you do has a purpose beyond earning money and in some way serves others.

Seeing work as an expression of one’s spirituality enables each person to consider his or her contribution to the world and to the ongoing creation of the universe. This view gives value to each career and may save one from self-centeredness. Finally, seeing one’s career as spiritual avoids the moral dilemma of separating life from work. It adds both an ethical dimension and a dimension of love to the offering of service or to the production of some object.

Blogging

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When I first began this blog I thought that I would try to follow all the rules that I have read about how to make a successful blog. The problem was I didn’t really post that much. So I have decided to just write about my passions. Hopefully some people will read it.
 
  1. My family – I am committed to being the best possible husband and father that I could possibly be.
  2. Learning – I love understanding about new things. Even if I am not going to be particularly good at it or it is outside my range of expertise. That’s ok it still fun to learn.
  3. My Faith – it is the core of my being. From it I make decisions about what is right and wrong, good and best, hopeful or negative.
  4. The web – I have been on it since the mid 90’s and watched it morph again and again. The current rush of blogging is allowing everyday people like me to have a voice.
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Waste time with the kids

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We are all busy people but one of the most important things that we can do with our kids is to waste time with them. Sophia my 6 year old daughter regularly rings her grandmother and they chat. Sophia talks about the things that are happening in her life then when she runs out of information she will just talk silly talk. And, I know that my mother is talking silly back to her. Sophia loves it because it is mum coming down to her level and just making the time to communicate with her.

This is an important lesson as a dad. I know because I can get preoccupied with my own interests. I love to study and read and I really enjoy my own thoughts. I am by nature an introvert which means that I am most comfortable in my own space.

But to be the sort of Dad who is effective in my kids life will require me to waste time with them. This doesn’t mean passively sitting in front of the TV with the kids. It means taking the time to have a wrestle with Toby (he loves this). Sitting with Sophia when she draws. Tickling Yasmin on the tummy and blowing raspberries on her arms or belly.

It is in these everyday interactions that make a family more resilient and more able to withstand the difficult times when they come. Kids need a father who is able to work hard but who able to say to them by the way that he spends his time that they are the most valuable way he can use that resource.

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Being approachable

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APPROACHABILITY is the defining characteristic of successful communicators.

  • It helps your front line create unforgettable encounters
  • It makes your customers feel comfortable and confident
  • It allows your employees to communicate openly and effectively
  • And it makes you a person that other people are magnetized to, want to do business with and will tell their friends about (from lip-sticking)
  • When I think about it this rings very true. I have met some very good public speakers who have failed to inspire because they could not relate to real people. They could only talk at me.

It is also very true for a blog. Make sure that people feel free to approach your blog. To get involved and comment freely. For all the above reasons.
By the way if you have a spare 5 minutes make your own dancing doughboy go to this site

What are my passions in life

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  1. My family – I am committed to being the best possible husband and father that I could possibly be.
  2. Learning – I love understanding about new things. Even if I am not going to be particularly good at it or it is outside my range of expertise. That’s ok it still fun to learn.
  3. My Faith – it is the core of my being. From it I make decisions about what is right and wrong, good and best, hopeful or negative.
  4. The web – I have been on it since the mid 90’s and watched it morph again and again. The current rush of blogging is allowing everyday people like me to have a voice.

A day out with the Gribbles

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This is one of my classic bloopers.

I was visitng someone in hospital on Saturday afternoon. On the way home I thought that I heard on the radio that there were some markets on the beach. I rang April and said to get the kids ready and we would leave as soon as I got home.

When I arrived home April wasn’t quite ready. I mentioned that I thought that they would have been Well after an hour of combined effort we were out the door.

When we arrive there were absolutely no car parks close to where the markets should be. The only option was to walk quite a distance. This did not put April in a good mood. And we had not started positively because of my initial remark.

We get to where the markets are meant to be and they are not there. I got it wrong. But, I said to April that’s ok we will have a nice meal out together.

After toiletting etc. we finally order a meal at a takeaway chinese. April asks me, “Have you got the nappy bag, because my purse is in it?”

I said, “No, I got it out of the car when you asked me and you should have it.”

We were beginning to realise that the bag was probably still sitting beside the car. So April is gone heading back to fnd the bag. The lady behind the counter is trying to give us our food. I have Yasmin telling me that she is hungry. I am trying to explain to the lady that we don’t have any money and that I am very sorry. Yasmin is refusing to get into the pram before she is fed. April is nowhere in sight.

Thankfully the bag is still at the car. We go to Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner. We will be checking more carefully in the future regarding markets.

A reason for being

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From John Steinback,

Everything in the world must have design or the human mind rejects it, but, it must have purpose or the human conscience shies away from it.”

On Microsoft and Empires

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They always crumble.

Microsoft is looking very middle aged at the moment. Vista is delayed, Bill just doesn’t ‘get’ a lot of things and Windows still rules the world. His view of innovation is that it is competition. And in a competition there are always winners and losers. Bill always likes to be the winner.

It is interesting to compare this with religious movements. For example Christianity (but it could be Buddhism or Islam or Hinduism). Christianity has grown from a small group of followers two thousand years ago to a worldwide collection of over a third of the world’s population.

It continues to express itself in new and refreshing ways. Christian Empires have come and gone but its community has continued to flourish and find new expressions. It has ’emerged’ again and again.

I think it was Napoleon who said, “Caesar, Charlemagne and myself have all built great Empires founded on force, Christ built one far greater based on love.”

I think that too often we miss this principle and think in terms of empire building rather than people building. I think that this is an important distinction between the likes of Bill, Napoleon and some of the truly great leaders who have established a legacy far beyond themselves.

Microsoft has conquered the world. But that means there is a competitor waiting to rise up to be the next winner.

5 Rules for happiness

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Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less

I think that it was Dr Victor Frankl who recognised after living in a concentration camp that happiness when pursued as an end in itself was a futile goal. He recognised that even when people lived in the most attrocious conditions that there could still be a measure of joy in their lives.

Why women shouldn’t be allowed to read maps

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Well at least in our household. We had one of our biggest arguments in years a couple of days ago when trying to navigate through an unfamiliar city.

I accidently let the word stupid out. I think that April took it out of context and it became a global word. You know one of those words that allow not exclusions. I was only referring to a particular aspect that was related to anything directly connected to map reading by April.

Anyway once it was out it was really out there and there was nothing that I could do to take it back.

Anyway I have learned yet another invaluable lesson in my journey of life –

  1. Know where you are going.
  2. Don’t ask your wife to read a map
  3. If you do be prepared to go the wrong way but don’t ever say anything.

I really dont think that April is stupid. And we are laughing together now at the stupidity of our argument and my stupidity in ever thinking that a word like stupid could just be taken to mean one thing.and not be a comment on the whole person

My time management

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I am not always that organised when it comes to time management. But, there are some days when I think that I get a lot done and they feel rewarding. I have just started thinking about what contributes to those rewarding days.

Minimize interruptions

Our household is a constant interruption. I have four young kids. So I will say no more about that. Today everyone is gone and I things are completed. So today when everyone has been out I have put my head down and got stuff done.

Write a list

Lists can be so satisfying especially when you are crossing off items. Today I have paid the bills, organised for a meeting tonight, sent off some bills and done some enjoyable writing. My list is nearly finished.

Do the hard things first

I don’t like making some phone calls. Today I rang people first and cleared those jobs straight away. I don’t like  paying bills. Don’t get me wrong I think people should be paid for what they do I just don’t like having to physically pay bills. It take time and is so unrewarding to see your credit card balance decrease. I have all my bills up to date.

Just do it

Start now. Do those jobs that have been put off now. It is the only way they will get done.

Tough Love

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I think that it was Freud who said that good mental health means that a person is able to love and to work. In a family loving is often very difficult. Being loving means that as a Father I am forced to make difficult decisions and stick to them. This is so my kids can get the consistency that they need.

Tough love demands that each family member assumes responsibility for their actions and choices. For the parent this means that they will not be manipulated by their children’s emotional reactions to their discipline. Parents need to realize that even though they may teach their children right that their children may make choices that contradict that teaching. The parents need to realize that this is not their responsibility.

Tough love requires the parent to:

1.Take a stand and stick to it.
2.Not be manipulated by their children
3.Provide help when the child needs it

I thought that this would be so easy when I became a parent. That because I was the adult I would instinctively know the difference between right and wrong and pass that onto my children. I realise more and more that love is a tough thing to live out. In my children’s life it is my responsibility to ensure that they will be equipped later on to be able to make the right choices in life.