Chris Gribble

Be yourself - Everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)

Making ends meet – Year two

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We spent 9 years of our life in a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers. These are my memories of the people and events that were a part of our life during that time.

When ringing our place many people were amused by my answering machine's message. Its response was, I'm sorry I'm not able to take your call, If you want your wheelie bin cleaned, or to purchase a mobile phone or need the Church of Christ Minister then you have reached the right number. Please leave a message after the bip or you can contact me on mobile such and such. This was my year of many jobs. Besides the roles mentioned on the answering machine I also was involved in a community housing project, Chaplaincy at the State High School, writing a number of freelance newspaper articles for the Townsville Bulletin and continued on with the newspaper photography. After a year of settling into the town and the church working in so many different areas opened many opportunities to take the church to the people. Our income became fairly sporadic during the year but it was fun trying out new ideas. We had a go at selling to people door to door the dream of having a clean wheelie bin. I loved the thrill of not knowing what the next response would be. Many times the people were hostile. I think it was because of the intrusion of someone coming into their personal space and forcing them to respond. To say the least my wheelie bin business did not take off in a huge way at first. On my first day of business I cleaned a few friends bins just for practice. Over the year it did build up until it developed into a handy sideline income. Some of my other ideas were not so successful. The mobile phone business didnt really ever take off. I sold one to myself and to a couple of other people. It never generated any significant income.

21 Tips for a blog launch

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A great set of tips to ensure that when you start your blog that you at least provide the best possible environment for its launch. Careful planning before the launch is a must do if you are really serious about your blog. OF course no one is perfect and no blog is perfect.

Witnessing the launch of a blog as successful as Performancing's first two weeks might lead you to think that launching a successful blog is easy. well, it's NOT. Thousands of new blogs are launched every day, but only a handful ever get read by more than a few hundred people, and even fewer ever make a dollar's profit. While a site can survive a terrible launch (see Instablog surprising turnaround) the cost is high, and the truth is, most never recover. With no money coming in, and a readership which can be counted in the dozens, It's no wonder that the vast majority of bloggers give up and shut down their site within a year. The 21 points included in this checklist will cover the basics of what you need to do during those all-important first two weeks of your blog's life. While there are no guarantees in the blogosphere, if you follow these launching tips closely, your chances of success are greatly improved.

Check out the tips here

I am at the Personal Development Carnival this week

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Personal Development Carnival. If you are interested in how do other people feel about building a better life than this is the carnival to go to. Check out some of the great posts that are at the Carnival. I particularily appreciated this one from, "A Better You Carnival". I took the Myers Briggs test too located here. I ended up being an  Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving person. Click here for more information on some of the characteristics of this personality type.

Big Boys do Cry – Year Two

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We spent 9 years of our life in a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers. These are my memories of the people and events that were a part of our life during that time.

Don’t you normally see the heart beating?” I asked the radiographer. She was obviously having problems although we were unsure just what was happening. April was having an ultrasound but there was something not right. I didn’t realize then the heartbreaking implications my question was to have for us.

“Mmm,” she replied distractedly. “I’m having some difficulties finding some of the landmarks. I need to get the senior radiographer to have a look,” she told us.

By this time it was becoming obvious to April and myself something was terribly wrong. The senior radiographer’s verdict verified the fear that was beginning to develop in us both. Our news was devastating. Something had gone very wrong. At 21 weeks we never dreamt that anything could happen to our child. Everything we had read said the danger period was during the first three months. After that the baby was supposed to be virtually indestructible, or so we thought.

“How are you today?” brightly asked the girl behind the checkout counter at the supermarket later that day. She had the usual pasted on smile they must teach at checkout school.

What were we to say? “Well, everything was pretty good, until we found out our baby died.” I never expected what had been up to now a growing bulge in my April’s middle could cause me so much pain. We were told it was best if the baby was delivered as soon as possible. April was checked into the labour ward early in the morning two days later. Every four hours she had a chemical inserted in her uterus to induce labour. Like so many births it began happening in the dead of the night. April’s pain increased late in the evening as her contractions heightened in intensity. Through it all there was a feeling of numbness. I felt disconnected from these horrible events. For us there was the certainty that at the end there wasn’t going to be a bundle of joy. I think in some merciful way our minds had gone into shock where they could take no more bad news. Shalom was born on the twenty seventh of March 1998, four days after my birthday. He was so tiny his body fitted into the palm of my hand and his head rested on my fingers. He was so perfect except he never would have the chance to draw a breath in this world.

He was my son but I never really had the opportunity to be his dad. I never will have the chance to cheer him on at the football, or to take him to the movies, or to wrestle with him on the lounge room floor. I will never have to confront that awful moment dreaded by fathers when it is time to tell him about the facts of life. Despite never doing anything with him I miss him a great deal.

This is not the sort of pain that I want to have in my life. The deep grief that seems to have touched the core of my being, my constantly aching heart, and the deep wounds that have lacerated my soul. I would much prefer my wounds to be physical. I want my pain to be tangible. I know how to deal with things when they show on the outside. I know I can cope with this type of pain. Physical scars for blokes are our badges of pride. We hold them up as notches of our manhood. They are something to show off, to prove to others that the toughness of life will not beat us. Yet the real pain we feel is so often hidden under protective layers of putting on a brave face. We force ourselves to keep up appearances and get on with life without taking the time to understand why it can hurt us so much. I know in my head that God wants to work all things together for good for those who love him. Yet I wish so much that God’s working was different to this. It seems like God wanted to play a cruel joke on April and I after we waited so long for a child and now He snatched him back. How do you farewell someone you’ve never met? There were no photos, no memories of fun times together. There were no cute expressions for me to remember. All I have is a card with a tiny footprint and handprint on it. We only held him for a short while then it was time to for him to be taken from us. Saying goodbye to Shalom is the hardest thing I’ve had to do in life. There are no pat answers to this type of pain. I know I have cried many times in private because of my enormous sadness. I don’t understand why God has chosen this particular path for me and I have questioned his wisdom in this situation. There is something in me that wants to say to God that my son doesn’t belong in heaven, I want him here with me. I think that no matter who we are we can say this to God. God this part of my life doesn’t belong to you its mine. I know that life’s relentless pace will gradually reduce the intensity of my sorrow. However, life will never be quite the same because of what has happened. Up to this point my life had been untouched by the reality of death. Now I have joined to God in a new way, as I understand something of what the loss of a son means to a Father. I guess what happened was that I joined the rest of the world in its journey of life in saying, God, I hurt.But, because I know God I can thank Him for sharing that pain with me.The real issue is where do we belong? Do we say to God that we belong to him yet try and hold some of the more painful or more pleasurable areas for ourselves? Ultimately no matter what life dishes up we have to accept that the only way to live life is God’s way.

Blog Carnival

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Hey it great to be a part of a carnival. Here I am a part of the pregnancy carnival. But I still remember the difficulty we had when we first started trying to have a family. So I hope that the story is helpful to anyone who reads it.

We are fortunate to have a happy ending.

morning

Why everyone is making the switch to Sunrise?

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He’s bald, wears glasses, has a big nose and a slight paunch. Watch Sunrise channel 7’s morning program and it is obvious that Kochie is the heart of the rise and rise of the show. He shows that in Australia at least we are looking for men who are not afraid to be men.

  • Kochie is at times passionate, but we love his rants. We want to see men who are not afraid to stand for something. He sometimes puts his foot in his mouth. That only causes us to empathise because we are all guilty of that sometimes. And, who wants a man who is a doormat to frightened to say anything because they are frightened of offending some minority group.
  • We love his connection to his family. The fact that he wasn’t frightened to share his kids with us. He has strived not to become some distant uninvolved celebrity.
  • We love his obvious care for the other people in the show. The fact that when he goes a bit far with a joke or off colour comment that Mel is able to touch in on the arm to give him the signal to stop.
  • We love his honesty. We may not agree but at least we know what we aren’t agreeing with something. I loved a comment the other morning when some Christian group was complaining about the violence in a kids cartoon and he observed that don’t we read the Bible. So true. But what is nice is that he can also recognised his own warts.

On the other hand take a look at their competition.

  • Karl Stephenovi Stephanovic is too complicated to spell for a start. Australians prefer a Kochie or a Smithy or even a Gribbley. How would you add y or ie to Karl’s alphabet surname.
  • He’s young and good looking. But very bland. I have never seen him get angry or say the wrong thing on air. He’s seems to be always nice and nearly won dancing on ice. Sadly no one watched that either.
  • Richie (Dickie) Wilkins is too up himself for me. He won’t eat on air. Maybe its because he might dribble down his front. He can’t laugh at his old mullets and takes himself far too seriously. To look as good as he does at his age he must.

In Australia which is the land of the absent father Kochie symbolises to us our desire to see a good Dad. He doesn’t lord it over the others on the Sunrise team but it is obvious that they have a real respect for him as a man. That is refreshing for a start because when you begin work so early together I am sure that there is huge potential for conflict.

Without becoming a whimp he also shows a compassion for others. I watched as Joe Hockey was being steamrolled this morning into signing their solar power petition that Kochie recognised the significance of Joe signing. We see a genuine desire to help demonstrated often when a genuinely disadvantaged person is brought to his attention.

Thanks Kochie for Sunrise. I know that if you ever read this you would be highly embarassed and try to deflect the glory to your team mates. Another reason why I wanted to say something.

Choice Magazines Shonky Awards

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What not to buy this week. Choice magazine listed the top ten products that should not be bought. The worrying thing for me is that I came very close to buying one of those robotic vacumn cleaners. And, I don’t mind Black and Gold pies, I think that they taste better than some of the more expensive brands. Perhaps one of the more disappointing items is the purely fish that has lots of other stuff in it as well. Or, when you think that you are drinking Gin and Tonic when it is really Vodka. I haven’t purchased an iPod yet and I probably won’t now. Who has time to sit down and listen to music? I have always been suspicious of magnets and now they are confirmed absolutely useless when it comes to helping with the washing. And, who would fall for the idea of oxygen drops? Well some people are hoping that there are suckers and have created a business out of it.
[Read more…]

3 ways to TRIPLE your traffic in three days

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Yes it can be done. But, it also depends on where you are starting from. As a beginner to the whole idea of adding value to my site through increased traffic I have tried the following ideas.

  1. Post regularily. The value of the site is in its content. No content no value. By regularly posting people are more interested in coming back to your site again and again. Write good stuff that you will be proud of in a years time. It is often said that some of the older posts are the ones that generate interest again and again. Post with that future in mind. Besides what’s the point of writing garbage all the time? There is enough spam and cheap sex on the web already so try to make a positive impact with what you say.
  2. Encourage communitiy – Get around the Blogosphere a bit. Encourage others not just for the sake of getting traffic but because there is so much great stuff out there. Blogging is a great way to become a part of a community. Make interesting comments on other people’s blogs because you like them and what they have said.
  3. Tell people what you are doing – Put your site on your email signature. After all if you are proud of what you are doing then let people know. Register with the blog directories such as Technorati and Blogarama.

It worked for me. Not that I set out to triple my traffic in three days. That came because of a renewed committment to my blog and a desire to give something to the Blogosphere. I also needed to create a more public presence for what I am doing next year.

So if you have a chance check out my elearning, or Green Light Profile or find your own voice and set up a WordPress blog today. It’s so cheap that everyone should be doing it.

If none of those things interest you then I just hope that you connect with some aspect of my life. We are all in this journey on earth together and the web is reshaping that journey in many new and exciting ways. The advent of the blog means that we are all able to have a voice to add to each other.

Leadership – it begins in the home

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I think the ultimate test of the efffectiveness of a leader is what happens in their home. What are their kids like – healthy, dysfunctional, drug addict, corporate leader, artist, confident. Too many leaders have left in their wake so much pain and hurt among those closest to them that it has diminished their star. This is especially true if we take the definition of leadership as the ability to influence others. If we cant influence those closest to us positively then whatever else we do will count for little. For example the late Kerry Packer's relationship with his family. From an outsider's perspective there is no mistaking the genuine love that his children had for him. From all accounts Kerry could be a very difficult man but in my mind he passed the ultimate test of leading first at home. I want to be a great man. When I was younger I thought of greatness in terms of the empire that I would create and the size of the my bank balance but time has mellowed some of that ambition. Now my primary quest for greatness is in the eyes of the five people that I live with. They see me for what I really am, they know my faults and weaknesses and sensitivities yet they are so forgiving Here are some choices that I must make if I am to be an effective leader in my home: Choose words that build up – Words are such powerful tools. We need to choose our words very wisely if we want to be an effective leader at home. It is very easy to let slip words that tear down when I feel stressed or tired or even selfish when everyone wants to invade my space. I need to choose words that say good things to those around me – I love you, sorry, can I help, you look lovely, you are very special, thank you, that's great, how wonderful. Choose to spend my time doing the important things – Even if I say that the kids are important if I don't spend my time with my family and kids then my words count for very little. Its what we do that counts in their eyes. And, they are the ones who get to really see what I am doing with my time. The important things in my life at the moment are being home so I can help bath the kids, read with my eldest daughter, pray before they go to sleep, wrestle with my son and sitting with everyone at the dinner table. Choose to love unconditionally – This means giving when I am not receiving. Washing up when everyone else is too tired at the end of a hard day. Not making my needs the first priority in the family. Choose to make the hard decisions – But do it in a way that makes the family feel better. We can't always do everything that we would like to do or we sometimes have to choose between two very good options. Sometimes I can't be everyone's friend. In these situations its important not to be a friend but a father. Choose to listen instead of talking – It can be very easy to think that it is only my perspective that matters. Communication is always more about what I don't say or what I do when I stop talking.

Gribble Awards – A Gribbley to the following blog posts

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These are posts are awarded a Gribbley in their particular area: What is a Gribbley. It is my award for posts that I have read and have enjoyed or got something out of. The criteria is completely up to me and is known only to me. This month I have awarded Gribbley's to the following categories. Blogging All of us will sometimes wonder what on earth are we doing day after day sharing our thoughts to the world? What really is a blog? What am I here for? Is it a case I blog therefore I am? Darren and the boys have just received a significant boost through a significant sum of venture capital for their efforts in the last year or so in developing the B5 media group.

  • Problogger – Here are the 18 top lessons that Darrren has learned. Along the way have been many challenges, milestones and celebrations so today I thought I'd do some reflection and create a list of things I wish someone had sat me down and told me in the early days.

Personal Development The title for this post sounds like and oxymoron. But there is some great hints in this blog. Posts can be a bit intermittent but the archives are great. Go to this one to save you a heap of money especially if you are considering paying out for a Tony Robbins pack or seminar.

  • Self help for lazy people – "There is a common thread to all self help books. Instead of having to fork out hard earned cash to hear the same message again and again – why not just follow the tips listed below and it will save you time and money. I have called this post "Self Help and Personal Development for Lazy People". Yes we've heard it all before but it doesn't hurt to be reminded again of some of these essentials in life.

Christian There are some really great Christian blogs out there and some extraordinarily mediocre ones as well. The Porpoise Diving life is obviously related to some other Christian theme because it doesn't make sense to be porpoise diving.

  • The Porpoise Diving life – "OK!OK! I am going to provide you with the answer to the most numerous question I have been asked since creating, authoring and launching The Porpoise Diving Life: What do you mean by the phrase; Reality For The Rest of Us?" Seriously too many Christian sites take themselves too seriously. Learning to laugh at our foibles is a sign of health.

Web tech In a week when the sale of YouTube has eclipsed all other news i have decided not to award a Gribbley this month. I am sick of hearing about YouTube and MySpace. Even though they are big and it seems that everyone goes there I would hope that there is much more to come. I am waiting excitedly for the next Web 2.0 app to try out. Just making money doesn't cut it with me.

ABC’s of Fatherhood – N

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No – sometimes you have to be able to say no. There are many instances where for my kids health or safety I say no.

No – to junk food all the time because it clogs them up. They stop going to the toilet.
No – to walking across the road by themselves because they are too young to appreciate the dangers.

To think that a child should only have positive affirmations does not give the boundaries that they require for healthy development. If they can’t handle no they will fail to build the resilience that they will need to survive life’s difficulties.

Struggle is a part of life. To not struggle would mean that a child will never be able to overcome and ultimately become stronger. Of course no parent wants to see their child suffer and no sane parent would cause unneccesary suffering for their child but we all know that suffering is a part of life that we all must deal with.

Saying no in a loving environment provides a framework for a child to begin to learn life’s boundaries and enable them to build loving relationships.

Janelle -Year One

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We spent 9 years of our life in a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers. These are my memories of the people and events that were a part of our life during that time.

April and I were among the youngest members of the church. There were two young children, no regular teenagers, 4 people in their 30's. Then a huge gap to people in their 60's. It seemed like an impossible task to bring young people into the church. Where would we start? Even if young people did become Christians what would we do with them?

 

One Sunday I noticed an attractive young girl enter nervously and sit at the back of the church. It was a wonderful moment to have a young person join us. Over the next few months she continued to attend fairly regularly. Janelle always appeared attentive and gradually opened up more about the reasons for coming.

 

She was not unknown to the rest of the church. Her mother was a longstanding member and Janelle grew up in the Sunday School. Like many other young people she rejected the impression of Christianity she saw in the established church. Recently a number of crises in her life forced her to search for answers. She said that my sermons were relevant to the problems she was facing at the time. This was a great encouragement to me.

 

At the end of the year she asked to be baptized. This was the first baptism done in the church for a number of years. Not only was it a symbol of new life for Janelle it was also a sign of new life within the church. Many of the older people who had taught Janelle in Sunday School and then see her leave the church were greatly encouraged by her spiritual growth.

 

Janelle had an adventurous spirit. Her return to Charters Towers was only a respite between overseas trips. Even though she was local it was only a matter of time before she had the urge to travel again. This time she went to the United States firstly as a nanny and then to work at the summer camps. While there Janelle met a young Christian man name Jim. Shortly after they were engaged and were making plans to settle in the United States.

 

Today Janelle and Jim live in a lovely cabin in the northern United States. Jim's family owns a sawmill. He made their home, a picturesque cabin with an amazing view and furniture with his own hands. They are very involved in the life of the local church. Jim and Janelle are also the youth group leaders with a ministry to hundreds of young people through the Word of Life programs.

 

Do you have what it takes to be a successful leader

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DO YOU HAVE WHAT it takes to be a successful leader? Possibly not. Forty percent of all new leaders don’t last 18 months in their organisation. The problem? They are not properly equipped to lead. Nine out of ten new leaders say they arrive at the top feeling they lack the know-how and tools to succeed. And most don’t get the support they need—starting with the boss.

These new leaders also discover that what got them there from working non-stop to paying attention to the small details isn’t enough to keep them there. This is also costing companies it is estimated that for every failed senior leader hired more than $2.5 million goes down the gurgler. This is costing the company, the shareholders and ultmately the customers. The good news? What it takes to make it as an execuflve can be leamt It’s a matter of picking up new skills and strengths and letting go of old ones—even if they’ve driven your career success up untU now. Here’s how to beat the odds as a rising leader.

  • Let go of self-doubt. Know yourself and your peculiarities, failures and strengths. Insecurity sucks the strength from a team because they cannot bear to see anyone excel. Put confidence in your presence and purpose you were chosen because you have a unique mix of skills and abilities use them.
  • Let go of running flat-out until you crash. On your deathbed you wont be wishing that you spent a few more hours at the office. You wont become a hero by working 24/7 in fact when I look at a leader I see such misdirected workaholism as a weakness.. Besides you are setting a bad example for everyone else and you’ll bum out and those around you will too. A leader who tries to operate 24/7 is bad for other people’s morale. Break the cycle by scheduling regular time for recovery and renewal.
  • Let go of one-size-fits-all communication. Customize every message for the group and goals at hand. Learn to communcate well, practice what you are going to say. Then take the time to listen. This will always be the best part of what you say. Its what you do when you stop talking that really determines your effectiveness as a communicator. Less is more.
  • Let go of self-reliance. Replace “me” with “we.” You may have advanced here on your own, but now you are only as good as your team. Jim Collins recognises that in Good to Great companies the leader is able to stop being the centre of attention.
  • Let go of the urge to tell “how.” Micromanaging is a sure way to fail. Set the agenda for what gets done and leave the how to your team.
  • Let go of responsibility. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Responsibility for a few results belongs to your team. Accoimtability for many results belongs to you.
  • Let go of’only looking up and down. There’s more to consider than what’s up with the boss or what’s going down with subordinates. Look left and right, too, since partnerships with peers provide valuable informaflon.
  • Let go of an inside-out view. An innermost perspecflve may have served you in the past, but it won’t now. Lead with an outside-in view by knowing what else is happening in the intemal and extemal environment.

ABC’s of being a Father – M

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Music – We sing grace together every night. And we enjoy listening to songs on the radio and will sing together. We are not always in tune or in time but we have fun. I am not even especially talented with any form of music but it is a fun part of our family life. We dance and we sing in our unco-ordinated way.

Memories – We are creating memories with our kids. We do lots of things together. We don’t have a lot of money but we have been able to make time to spend with the kids. WE take holidays together, we spend weekends together and we enjoy each other’s company. Our memories are of being together, laughing at the funny things we do, playing silly games and having conversations at the meal table.

Community – the art of creating it

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  1. Create something worth building a community around. The key to building a community is a great product. Frankly, if you create a great product, you may not be able to stop a community from forming even if you tried. By contrast, it’s hard to build a community around mundane and mediocre stuff no matter how hard you try. We only have to look at the iPod it is more than an MP3 player it is a culture. People are looking for something to believe in and to share that belief with other like minded people. Whether it be a church, service club or a self help group if we don’t really believe in what we are doing we won’t be committed to those who are a part of the group.
  2. Create an open system. Communty needs to be open to newcomers. This is one of the more dificult things to do because newcomers threaten the unity. They will come with new ideas and may at times challenge the community. But they are neccessary for growth.
  3. Foster the conversation. In any conflict the first thing to go is the communication. We stop talking to each other. Community needs talk and lots of it. Not negative words that take away from the group but words that add to the purpose and mission of the group.

Can a blog make money?

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For most people it won’t. In fact like most things in life it will probably disappoint if you set out just to make money. But if it is something that you aspire to here are a couple of excellent links to sites that may help you in that journey.

  • Steve Pavlina’s article on making money. It is as he describes it a monster but it is full of invaluable information on how to make money blogging.
  • Pro-blogger – the whole site is full of invaluable information about setting up your site to maximise income.
  • Yaro Starak – Not just a blogger but an entrepreneur who has lots of ideas that are worth considering.
  • Guy Kawasaki – the first one hundred and 20 days of his blog.

Of course there are hundreds of blogs out there but these are four of the best that I have found. They make sense, explain in everyday language (not geek speak) and they have done it themselves.

Or you can be like most of us and just enjoy the journey. I love technology, spirituality, personal growth and people. A blog allows someone like me to express themselves and live their passion. It also provides a means for others to share that journey, to comment and to contribute. What more could a person want?

Why I don’t have google ads on this site

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For this blog I don’t think adsense makes sense. I know that the lure of millions is out there because all it needs is for people to click on those links that google provides for you. Adsense is very easy to set up but frankly it looks ugly. I also believe that we are getting close to the point of adsense overload. Those ads are on just about every site and I tend to avoid them because I know when it is information that I am after that ads are usually there to support a product.

  • A blog hosting service – I have decided to specifically use WordPress because it has such great support and is easily used by even a novice. Find your voice today and contact me regarding your blog needs.
  • The Green Light Coaching service – go to the traffic light and have a look around. I believe that the Green Light Profile is one of the best that I have ever used. I like its level of interaction and that it isn’t just a tick and flick process but is a result of the interaction between the interviewee and the interviewer. In the end it give a very honest guide to a person’s strengths.

Next year I am looking at a more uncertain income and have had some of these ideas about ways I can help people and live as well. I have loved blogging and since I first heard of it a few years ago have had a variety of blogs. At first I started with a number of free sites and tried a variety of platforms. Then I had to decide what I actually wanted to blog about.

The answer was very easy at first – We were about to have a baby and I was feeling a bit old at the time, so that was my topic. This blog has turned into an ongoing journey that has focussed mainly on the kids. You can look at it here. This blog really has beome a labour of love. My family is very important to me and I have a ready source of material available to publish.

As time went on I got more and more interested in hosting my own blog. I tried a number of different platforms until I stumbled across WordPress. This is a great platform that is constantly getting added to. Then I saw domain names being offered for $1.99 or something like that. Thankfully ChrisGribble.com was available and so I set up a host and got underway.

Unfortunately the busyness of life took over. A new baby, work committments and an extra job plus three other young kids limited the time I had to devote to this blog. However I have tried in the past two months to have a better balance. To spend some time doing the things I love like writing and so I have been able to contribute more to ChrisGribble.com.

So I am here blogging for my future. Expressing my Green Light strengths and having a great time. I have always loved the web and have seen with some of the Web 2.0 developments greater potential than ever for creating community and communicating more effectively than ever before.

Infertility article – Year One

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We spent 9 years of our life in a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers. These are my memories of the people and events that were a part of our life during that time.

1 Samuel 1 (GNB)(2)Elkanah had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah, Peninnah had children, but Hannah did not (6)Peninnah, her (Hannah’s) rival, would torment and humiliate her, because the Lord had kept her childless. (7)This went on year after year; whenever they went to the house of the Lord,Peninnah, would upset Hannah so much that she would cry and refuse to eat anything. (1 O)She (Hannah) was deeply distressed and she cried bitterly as she prayed to the Lord….
(1 5b) I am desperate, and I have been praying pouring out my troubles to the Lord. Don’t think that I am a worthless woman. I have been praying like this because I am so miserable–

For most women their period is a natural part of their monthly cycle but for some it marks a regular time of grief 15% of couples in Australia are infertile. That is they have not been able to conceive for after 12 months in an unprotected sexual relationship. This statistic is on the increase. The reasons why it is increasing are still unknown but it is a growing issue for many couples.

April and 1 have been trying to have children for 5 years, with no success. It has been one of the hardest things we have had to face together in our marriage.

April says, “To be childless makes me feel less than a woman. Even though there are many couples that choose not to have children today, it’s still their choice. To have that choice taken away is painful. My monthly period is a regular reminder that 1 am unable to conceive and 1 feel like it is my fault. Even though the Doctors say that the problem is just hormonal and a laparoscopy found no problems nothing has seemed to work for me.”

For ourselves the medical profession has sometimes been less than understanding. This was especially the case when we first were trying to discover what was wrong and a lack of funds prevented us from getting private care.

“At first we were under the public system, that was awful. The doctor was inconsiderate of the emotional needs of a person facing infertility. He would make inappropriate comments and failed to see what he said was rude,” said April.

After one consultation with him April left the hospital in tears. To make matters worse he failed to prescribe enough of the hormone that she was lacking and for two years she didn’t ovulate properly anyway.

April says this has changed since she started seeing her current doctor. He quickly recognised the error of the previous gynaecologist and prescribed the correct dosage. But, even though he said that she is ovulating regularly and nothing can be found medically wrong she has still failed to conceive.

Another problem for infertile couples is sex can become a tedious chore revolving around temperature rises and monthly charts. “A couple of times we have decided to give it a break. Not from sex, just the constant watching for my temperature to rise and then ‘doing it.”‘

Families can inadvertently put enormous pressures on infertile couples. “There is nothing that my mother wants more than to have grandchildren. Even though she is very supportive it is difficult to face that 1 can’t give her that pleasure. Chris’s sister has three kids and his mother is devoted to them. 1 sometimes think that if we had children then we would be closer to her,” said April.

In spite of the huge advances that science has made there is still a percentage of people who will be unable to conceive. Psychologists say this loss is like actually losing a child. [Read more…]

Infertility – Year One

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We spent 9 years of our life in a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers. These are my memories of the people and events that were a part of our life during that time.

April and I began to be concerned about not having children after our first wedding anniversary. A local doctor in Emerald referred us to the public gynecologist. This began a sometimes heartbreaking experience of dealing with infertility.

Relying of the public hospital system can be a humiliating experience. You are at the doctor's mercy. In rural areas there is little recourse if there is a problem with a doctor. A patient's right to a second opinion is worthless if there is no one else to see. We had to deal with arrogant incompetence, insensitivity and rudeness. It annoyed me to see this man later extolled on a current affairs show as a rough saint of the bush. Many times after a consultation this saint's rudeness and insensitivity would leave April in tears.

Moving to Charters Towers allowed us access to an excellent private specialist in Townsville. We began what was to be an emotional roller-coaster in our efforts to have children. April was prescribed increasing levels of clomid, a hormone that encourages ovulation. A good part of this year was spent taking April's temperature to see if ovulation had occurred.

The years of dealing with infertility were taking their toll on our relationship. The drugs alone cause hormonal imbalances that result in mood swings. At the end of the year we decided to take a break. We joined a private health insurance fund and needed to wait for 12 months before we could claim on a pre-existing condition. This was a welcome relief for our relationship. We decided to wait a year and then look at further options.

A silly shop

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April went shopping today with our two youngest kids (6 months and 3 years). This was one of the rare times when there was a double trolley the best size for our rather large family. When exiting the checkout she was tole that she wasn’t able to take the trolley outside the shop. So this meant she had to unpack everything and put it into a single trolley and then try and manage to get the two kids as well to the car park.

This would have to be one of the silliest policies of any shop that wants to retain customers. We spend a significant amount every week on groceries and now that store is going to miss out on our money entirely. Woolworths you need to not only have fresh food but also you need to learn to understand your customers better.

And we will tell others about our experience. They can decide for themselves whether that store will meet their needs. I know that the $15000 or so that we spend a year at that store is only a tiny percentage of what this supermarket would turn over. But do it to too many people and it will mean disaster in the long term.