Chris Gribble

Be yourself - Everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)

The long tail of success – or success for the rest of us

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The long tail is the concept that there are huge markets that lie on the periphery of the so called big ticket items. When it comes to sales we see that Ebay has capitalised on this almost perfectly. The attraction is that anyone can make money on Ebay. All that you have to do is clean out your cupboards and garage and someone else is bound to pay money for it. The long tail makes success more accessible for us all. It allows anyone to use technological resources to reach a huge audience.

 TV stations have limited time slots, so the opportunity cost of each time slot is high; stations therefore choose programs that have the broadest appeal. But as the number of TV stations grows or TV programming is distributed through other digital channels, the choice of TV programs grows and the cultural diversity rises.

Some of the most successful Internet businesses have leveraged the Long Tail as part of their businesses. Examples include eBay (auctions), Yahoo! and Google (web search), and Amazon (retail) amongst the majors along with smaller Internet companies like Audible (audio books) and Netflix (video rental).

Often presented as a phenomenon of interest primarily to mass market retailers and web-based businesses, the Long Tail also has implications for the producers of content, especially those whose products could not – for economic reasons – find a place in pre-Internet information distribution channels controlled by book publishers, record companies, movie studios, and television networks. Looked at from the producers’ side, the Long Tail has made possible a flowering of creativity across all fields of human endeavour. (Wikipedia)

In our own personal success the long tail is also very true. The long tail of success allows everyone possibilites to reach their potential. To discover their authentic existence that allows for their unique spirit to flourish. The highest human endeavour is to discover our God given creativity and to express that creativity in meaningful ways. The long tail of succes recognises that the resources to achieve greatness are available to not just a chosen few but to all who take hold of possibility and allow that to be expressed in their own life.

The long tail says to us that we don’t need to be overshadowed by a few bright shining stars. That that as we shine together we create a thing of far greater brightness and beauty. Success is no longer something to be controlled but it is a thing to be shared and given freely.

One question we should ask about our success is, what gifts can I give today? And, I am not just talking about that little donate safely by PayPal button on the top right hand side of this blog. I know that in my marriage when I stop giving I fail. My conversation expresses negativity, I am difficult, arrogant, rude and self consumed. The same is true of our personal devlopment it only starts when we are able to begin to give. It is not an option. We must never be fooled into thinking that just because we are the recipients of gifts that we have found a safe place. Actually the oposite is true such a privilege must shock us into an increased awareness that it is time to give.

Don’t go chasing people you’ll never make happy

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Don’t go chasing people you’ll never make happy.A great example is the original wiki design. Ward Cunningham and friends deliberately stripped the wiki of many features that were considered integral to document collaboration in the past. Instead of attributing each change of the document to a certain person, they removed much of the visual representation of ownership. They made the content ego-less and time-less. They decided it wasn’t important who wrote the content or when it was written. And that has made all the difference. This decision fostered a shared sense of community and was a key ingredient in the success of Wikipedia.

 One of the hardest aspects of community is learning that you will never make some people happy. This is why it is so important to have a core purpose fixed firmly in your own mind. It is important because unhappy people will try to manipulate and control you and often sidetrack you along your way.

Wikipedia is incredibly successful because it has such a strong sense of community coupled with a core purpose of building a knowledge base from its community. There are the whingers of course who would like extra features but Wikipedia has resisted the temptation to allow individuals to rule what the rest are doing. It has determined the big picture is so important and cannot be sacrificed for the sake of any one person.

Some people don’t like this often because of their overinflated egos and self perceived importance. At Wikipedia knowledge is king not, “I”. But, look at its incredible success.

In our own personal development this principle is also true. I must decide what I have been placed on this earth for. Do I really believe that I was placed here to make a difference? If the answer is yes then I must commit myself to a purpose, whether it be saving the whales, helping disadvantaged people, serving God, building a better family. Whatever it is it must be held at the centre of all that we do. It will then allow us to make decisions about the many choices that we will have to make about the way to achieve that purpose.

Take the time to understand yourself. Find a tool that will allow you to do this. I recommend the Green Light Profile because it offers its advice in the context of a relationship with your career coach who will help you look at your career choices. It is something that I have spent a lot of time working through with people and it is a very positive model that looks at your strengths. But really any tool that enables you to better understand some aspect of who you are will help.

It will help you to make some people unhappy. Not eveyone will appreciate your purposefulness because it will stop their manipulation of your circumstances to bring you down to their level. Don’t worry about them. Encourage if you have the opportunity but most of the time you will have to leave them in their misery. Move past that and do something great today.

 

Building a better blog world – one post at a time

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I believe that those who contribute to the conversation – even if it’s critically – are the bloggers that are really the ones that are the most interesting to read. These leaders don’t always paint everything as candy canes and lollipops. They call things like they see them. But they do so not to attack, but to advance the conversation forward. They do so to lead people toward a larger goal. (Micropersuasion)

This is a great comment on the world of blogging. As it becomes more and more influential we will see a growing confusion because of the sheer bulk of information coming out of the blogs.

Bloggers have a couple of options

  1. They can choose to add to the value already on the web
  2. They can choose to take away from the value on the web

The new leaders will be those who contribute. They will be those who give to the blogging community and those who are able to engage in real relationships and encourage others to find their voice.

Blogging is no different to many other conversations that we have its just that the medium is changing. And, as this medium matures we will see some people rise to the challenges of finding a voice. In many cases this will mean that those who are stuck in the traditional mindsets of authority, control and arrogance will eventually be drowned out by those who are able to share, relate and empathise.

The call is for people to be able to rise to meet this challenge. To set before us an agenda allows us all to move a step further forward. To move us all towards a greater honesty and integrity that will encourage us to see ourselves just that little bit more clearly. Isn’t this what happens in any good conversation?

One writer describes a range of people who contribute to the flow of energy in our lives. He called those who take VDP’s, Very Draining People. In the blog world these are the people who as Steve writes tear down and criticise. At the other end of the spectrum are the VIP’s, Very Important People. These are the people who contribute to your energy flow, they are the people who energise you. We have all had conversations that we go away from feeling drained you have just met a VDP we need to limit the time spent with them. On the other hand we all would have had energising conversations, where you go away encouraged to continue the journey or have been given a fresh idea or where you have been validates for who you are. These are the VIPs.

We need to ensure that we maintain a balance in the conversations that we have. Regulate the number of VDP conversations that you have whether it be through a blog or face to face. And, ensure that you have plenty of VIPs with you on your journey. They will give you the encouragement and wisdom to take move that next step forward.

Mentoring – its never too early

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Its never too early to begin having a mentor. Each week I go to a local primary school where I mentor a young person. It is a very simple process that involves a one hour commitment from myself each school week. One hour, one day each week has been shown to make a huge difference in many young people’s lives across Australia.

I am told that it is having an invaluable effect on this young person’s life. I am told about issues that this young person is facing so that I can better understand how to help him. I am amazed at the willingness of this person to trust and the importance that is placed on this brief hour.

What I like about what I do is it costs nothing for this person to have a mentor. I do it as a community service. Why should the opportunity to have a person to offload to be limited to those above a certain income.
Therefore I would also say that its never too late or too early to have a mentor/coach.
Invariably the time that is spent in a relationship specifically designed for the benefit of you is valuable, because what it does is convey what you say and feel and do is important. And, many people rarely have the opportunity to offload to someone whose sole purpose is to listen and understand themselves. Not even the most caring partner is that available.

Get a mentor/coach, it’s more than worth it. And, it will be one of the best investments that you make for your future health. A good mentor/coach will enable you to see yourself more clearly and to see how others see you as well. This is just as important if you really want to reach your potential.

Coaching is not just for insecure middle mangagement. In an increasingly fragmented world where the natural sources of mentoring/coaching are not longer available it is important to fill that gap will valid alternatives. This is the place of the life coach/mentor/personal consultant.

Dealing with Debt

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Where does it all go?

Several people have pointed us to the rich calculator, that reminds you just how insanely rich your indebted best customers are. There are millions of Americans who make more than $200,000 a year. That's 2 million dollars a decade, five or ten million dollars over the course of a career. Add it up, then look at the number. All you can do is shake your head and say, "where did it all go…" (Seth Godin)

Where does it all go? Well it goes in small amounts.

A few years ago a friend of mine declared bankruptcy. In its simplest form bankruptcy is when you no longer have the capacity to repay your current level of debt and so you are given the chance to start again with a clean slate. Although this initially may sound like a good option bankruptcy also comes with a high price tag. This friend of mine had not managed his debt wisely he had spent more than he earned. His business went under and many people were not paid what they were owed. In the end everyone suffered because of the bankruptcy. I think the most devastating thing for this friend was the discovery that he didn't have many friends at all only people who used him.

This all occurred shortly before his fortieth birthday. So at 40 he had to rebuild his life, make new friends, move to a new town. Unwise decisions about credit and a lack of a clear understanding of how much he owed led to his downfall. Luckily he was resilient and he has begun to rebuild his life but debt led to a great cost to his family and his future.

Most people spend more than what they earn. We have learned to live two pay packets away from bankruptcy. It is estimated that the average amount that we spend is about $400.00 per family per anum more than what we earn. Although this doesn't sound like a lot of money most bankruptcies are for figures less than $20 000.

 

The first step in finding financial freedom is working out where it all goes.

  • Begin a spending log today to find out where your money is going
  • This must come before you try to start to set a budget
  • Once you work out where it is all going you will then be able to work out how to start saving money.

What is really important?

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George Carlin was an American comedian of the 70’s and 80’s. He was known to be a little foul-mouthed and it is fascinating that after the death of his wife and 9-11 he would write the following:

  • The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
  • We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
  • We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
  • We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
  • We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
  • We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
  • We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
  • We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life.
  • We’ve added years to life not life to years.
  • We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour.
  • We conquered outer space but not inner space.
  • We’ve done larger things, but not better things.
  • We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
  • We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
  • We write more, but learn less.
  • We plan more, but accomplish less.
  • We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait.
  • We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
  • These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men andsmall character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
  • These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
  • These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, weight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
  • It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
  • A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
  • Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets,

keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don’t send this to at least 8 people….who cares?

George Carlin

WordPress for the absolute beginner – editing the timestamp

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Once you have composed your post you can choose to publish your post straight away or you can choose the time you would like it published. This tutorial will show you how you can select the time that you would like to have the post published using the timestamp feature in WordPress.

To begin using WordPress go to the elearning site and enrol. Its completely free to do so of course. And please feel free to add to the knowldedge base in the forums and wikis.

WordPress for the absolute beginner – posting on your blog

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WordPress is one of the best things on the web when it comes to blogging.

  1. Firstly is free so it can’t be beaten on price.
  2. Secondly its simple to use, the interface is very intuitive.
  3. Thirdly it has great support. There a lots of information if you have any questions. WordPress is one of the most widely used blogging tools on the web.
  4. It is also one of the easiest installs of any of blogging software. It basically does the whole thing for you in a couple of steps.
  5. There is a great range of free plugins, templates and other extras to help you manage and enhance your site.

To begin using WordPress go to the elearning site and enrol. The first topic is how to add a post to WordPress. There will be more topics to follow in the near future.

From the Pro blogger archives

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Interestingly enough I found that I was already doing most of Darren’s suggestions. I guess good advice is always good advice and the fundamentals of building relationships always is about communication. Let people know what you are doing, take an interest in what others are doing and contribute to the wider community remain the secrets of networking.

But, we can all use a reminder to keep us on track with what we are doing. Problogger is an invaluable resource for the aspiring blogger who wants to do it better.

Finding purpose in life – connecting beyond ourselves

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Finding an adequate life purpose for many is a lifelong quest. It can create a dull ache that pounds away and results in an endless succession of activities for the seeker. In the end it can leave many of us feeling dissatisfied and disillusioned.

The issue for us is finding a purpose that is big enough to sustain us through life. So a job in a world that no longer holds the promise of lifelong employment is not good enough. A marriage in a world that has a 50% divorce rate is also inadequate. Personal growth in a world that has a 100% death rate also has obvious limitations.

Once you discover and embrace your life purpose, are you set for the rest of your life? Do you keep fulfilling that same purpose until you die? Or can your purpose change over time?

Truthfully I think the answer is a little of both. There is a permanent, unchanging aspect of my purpose, and that aspect is growth. I have an undeniably strong sense that I’m here to grow, and that sense has never wavered. I imagine that conscious growth will always be part of my purpose. (Steve Pavlina)

I think that Steve is right that our life purpose does have different aspects. Although I would think that once we find a purpose big enough it will then remain with us.

What can often happen is that we can confuse roles with life purpose. Once again it may be true for us to include what we do as a part of our life purpose. But this will also leave us shortchanged if we fail to connect to a bigger picture that is beyond ourselves.

Purpose therefore must be connected to our spirituality. To connecting to the wider world and to a broader community and a higher authority. Putting these things in place in our lives will allow us give meaning to those subordinate purposes.

5 Laws for knowledge and success

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  1. Always try to understand before judging. When we judge first we are providing fertile ground for fear, uncertainty and distrust.
  2. Alwyas listen to the whole story. Learn to ask questions before drawing conclusions this allows more time for understanding. Learn to ask good questions these are open questions that allow more information to be heard. Closed questions give you what you want to hear.
  3. Always maintain a high level of integrity. Truth really is a personal issue. People will usually see very quickly whether what you are talking about is something you just say or something that you live by. A personal lived truth is far more trustworthy than a talked about fact.
  4. Be positive. It will influence the sort of people who want to be around you. Negativity can draw a crowd but its always the wrong sort of people if you really want to discover success. Negative people tend to tear down and that may seem like fun for a while but it never lasts. Positive people will seek to build and that allows for increased opportunities.
  5. Learn to work well with other people. This will allow you to grow beyond your own limitations in whatever you do. Working with other people is an acquired skill that requires perserverance because you will be often let down. Resist the temptation to think that I can do it better on my own. It may be true in the short term but success is a long term ambition.

Wisdom is the bringing together of knowledge and action. The wise person is the one who has understood and then applied that understanding to their way of life. Success is seeing the fulfilment of makng wise choices.

Success for the rest of us is all about attaining wisdom. Yesterday in the mail I received a brochure promising financial freedom that would allow me to do the things that I really want to do. Such a narrow definition of success forgets the rest of us who may not neccessarily want to just accumulate financial wealth. Wisdom should overflow into our financial choices but our wealth will be a symptom of a much broader context.

Making ends meet – Year two

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We spent 9 years of our life in a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers. These are my memories of the people and events that were a part of our life during that time.

When ringing our place many people were amused by my answering machine's message. Its response was, I'm sorry I'm not able to take your call, If you want your wheelie bin cleaned, or to purchase a mobile phone or need the Church of Christ Minister then you have reached the right number. Please leave a message after the bip or you can contact me on mobile such and such. This was my year of many jobs. Besides the roles mentioned on the answering machine I also was involved in a community housing project, Chaplaincy at the State High School, writing a number of freelance newspaper articles for the Townsville Bulletin and continued on with the newspaper photography. After a year of settling into the town and the church working in so many different areas opened many opportunities to take the church to the people. Our income became fairly sporadic during the year but it was fun trying out new ideas. We had a go at selling to people door to door the dream of having a clean wheelie bin. I loved the thrill of not knowing what the next response would be. Many times the people were hostile. I think it was because of the intrusion of someone coming into their personal space and forcing them to respond. To say the least my wheelie bin business did not take off in a huge way at first. On my first day of business I cleaned a few friends bins just for practice. Over the year it did build up until it developed into a handy sideline income. Some of my other ideas were not so successful. The mobile phone business didnt really ever take off. I sold one to myself and to a couple of other people. It never generated any significant income.

21 Tips for a blog launch

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A great set of tips to ensure that when you start your blog that you at least provide the best possible environment for its launch. Careful planning before the launch is a must do if you are really serious about your blog. OF course no one is perfect and no blog is perfect.

Witnessing the launch of a blog as successful as Performancing's first two weeks might lead you to think that launching a successful blog is easy. well, it's NOT. Thousands of new blogs are launched every day, but only a handful ever get read by more than a few hundred people, and even fewer ever make a dollar's profit. While a site can survive a terrible launch (see Instablog surprising turnaround) the cost is high, and the truth is, most never recover. With no money coming in, and a readership which can be counted in the dozens, It's no wonder that the vast majority of bloggers give up and shut down their site within a year. The 21 points included in this checklist will cover the basics of what you need to do during those all-important first two weeks of your blog's life. While there are no guarantees in the blogosphere, if you follow these launching tips closely, your chances of success are greatly improved.

Check out the tips here

5 Commandments of Respect

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One of the more difficult tasks in leadership is to be able to correct or guide while still maintaining the dignity of the other person. Many leaders make the mistake of believing that their leadership is all about winning an argument or having their point of view predominate. However, this is a very short sighted view of leadership and will ultimate limit a person's level of influence in other's lives.

I am just reading about the breakdown of relationships when Hewlett-Packard merged with Compaq. The CEO of HP struggled to win the hearts and minds of the HP employees and faced a battle on several fronts to ensure the success of the merger.

She failed to gain the respect. But, she could have if she had followed some of the following principles.

1. If I have a problem with another person, I will go to him privately. Engaging in a public humiliation of another human being destroys a person's soul. We were recently at a children's birthday party at a popular fast food restaurant and witnessed one of the poorest displays of management that I have ever seen, The person running the party was not being supported by the other staff causing the party to run late. This employee was berated in front of the children and parents.

The result was that I felt very upset. So upset that I wrote to that restaurant. I felt that what was done to that person was soul destroying and needed to be corrected. I hope that manager was dealt with privately so that he would see more clearly the implications of his actions.

2. If someone has a problem with me, and comes to you, send the person to me. (I'll do the same for you.)

3. Be careful about how you interpret me' Id rather do that. Don't try to read things that aren't there in me. I have the right to be able to process my own thoughts without someone putting the implications of their thoughts on me. The reverse is true, I need to be careful how I interpret other people's response to me. Discovering that everything isn't always about me is one of the hardest things to live with but it allows me to be able to hear what you are really saying.

4. If it's confidential, I won't tell. (Unless someone is harming himself or someone else.) I need to be seen as a safe person if people are to give me their trust. This means that they must know that I don't have the need to tell what I know about them. Although someone may choose to disclose information to me it remains their right to disclose and not my right to disclose that to other people.

5. I will not manipulate; I will not be manipulated. I will choose to be honest and live with integrity. This will discourage any person who tries to manipulate me into living in a way that caused me to live with a contradiction within myself. (source unsure of highlighted items)

I am at the Personal Development Carnival this week

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Personal Development Carnival. If you are interested in how do other people feel about building a better life than this is the carnival to go to. Check out some of the great posts that are at the Carnival. I particularily appreciated this one from, "A Better You Carnival". I took the Myers Briggs test too located here. I ended up being an  Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving person. Click here for more information on some of the characteristics of this personality type.

Green Light Profile – Discovering your strengths

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Green Light Areas and Motivations… Discovering our strengths can be one of the most important aspects of our vocational journey. All of us have them but many of us lead unfuliflled, dissatisfied lives that are characterised by a dull ache of unfulfilled dreams. The Green Light Profile is a useful tool in discovering these strengths and allowing you to apply strategies to ensure that they are utilised in your work or that you are able to make the right decisions in finding the right job or launching out on a new venture, When you complete the Green Light Profile you will discover that there are four different areas in which you tend to function with varying degrees of effectiveness and satisfaction according to what motivates you or gives you personal satisfaction. Strategy, Tasks, Ideas, and Relationships. One of these will be your Green Light Area. One Yellow Light Area and two Red Light Areas. Below is an overview of these areas. They are broken down into sub-areas e.g. Strategy has three sub-areas, Overcomer, Fronter and Seer. Tasks and Relationships also have three sub-areas whilst Ideas has two.

Ideas Gets personal satisfaction from making new discoveries or producing a visible end expression.

  • Learner: seeks to acquire knowledge, expertise, understanding, comprehension.
  • Maker: wants to produce, shape, and fit together a harmonized or coordinated visible or audible end-product/end-expression.

Relationships Gets personal satisfaction from providing practical services, helping people, and building relationships.

  • Affirmer: likes to be appreciated and affirmed.
  • Teamer: enjoys doing things with others: assisting, helping out.
  • Uniquer: one of a kind: likes to be special to someone and/or do something different or distinctive.

Tasks Gets personal satisfaction from doing every step right or straightening it out, making it right.

  • Improver: wants to make it better, do it better or faster.
  • Perfector: must do it right, properly, correctly, precisely: if things not right, must straighten, correct.
  • Independenter: wants to do it right and make decisions without having to rely on a lot of others

Strategy Gets personal satisfaction from reaching organisation key success indicators or winning.

  • Overcomer: needs to win, conquer, defeat or surmount difficulties and persevere.
  • Fronter: at best in front of audiences and/or in charge: wants to surpass and outdo others.
  • Seer: has to see immediate progress and achieve concrete, measurable outcomes.

Big Boys do Cry – Year Two

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We spent 9 years of our life in a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers. These are my memories of the people and events that were a part of our life during that time.

Don’t you normally see the heart beating?” I asked the radiographer. She was obviously having problems although we were unsure just what was happening. April was having an ultrasound but there was something not right. I didn’t realize then the heartbreaking implications my question was to have for us.

“Mmm,” she replied distractedly. “I’m having some difficulties finding some of the landmarks. I need to get the senior radiographer to have a look,” she told us.

By this time it was becoming obvious to April and myself something was terribly wrong. The senior radiographer’s verdict verified the fear that was beginning to develop in us both. Our news was devastating. Something had gone very wrong. At 21 weeks we never dreamt that anything could happen to our child. Everything we had read said the danger period was during the first three months. After that the baby was supposed to be virtually indestructible, or so we thought.

“How are you today?” brightly asked the girl behind the checkout counter at the supermarket later that day. She had the usual pasted on smile they must teach at checkout school.

What were we to say? “Well, everything was pretty good, until we found out our baby died.” I never expected what had been up to now a growing bulge in my April’s middle could cause me so much pain. We were told it was best if the baby was delivered as soon as possible. April was checked into the labour ward early in the morning two days later. Every four hours she had a chemical inserted in her uterus to induce labour. Like so many births it began happening in the dead of the night. April’s pain increased late in the evening as her contractions heightened in intensity. Through it all there was a feeling of numbness. I felt disconnected from these horrible events. For us there was the certainty that at the end there wasn’t going to be a bundle of joy. I think in some merciful way our minds had gone into shock where they could take no more bad news. Shalom was born on the twenty seventh of March 1998, four days after my birthday. He was so tiny his body fitted into the palm of my hand and his head rested on my fingers. He was so perfect except he never would have the chance to draw a breath in this world.

He was my son but I never really had the opportunity to be his dad. I never will have the chance to cheer him on at the football, or to take him to the movies, or to wrestle with him on the lounge room floor. I will never have to confront that awful moment dreaded by fathers when it is time to tell him about the facts of life. Despite never doing anything with him I miss him a great deal.

This is not the sort of pain that I want to have in my life. The deep grief that seems to have touched the core of my being, my constantly aching heart, and the deep wounds that have lacerated my soul. I would much prefer my wounds to be physical. I want my pain to be tangible. I know how to deal with things when they show on the outside. I know I can cope with this type of pain. Physical scars for blokes are our badges of pride. We hold them up as notches of our manhood. They are something to show off, to prove to others that the toughness of life will not beat us. Yet the real pain we feel is so often hidden under protective layers of putting on a brave face. We force ourselves to keep up appearances and get on with life without taking the time to understand why it can hurt us so much. I know in my head that God wants to work all things together for good for those who love him. Yet I wish so much that God’s working was different to this. It seems like God wanted to play a cruel joke on April and I after we waited so long for a child and now He snatched him back. How do you farewell someone you’ve never met? There were no photos, no memories of fun times together. There were no cute expressions for me to remember. All I have is a card with a tiny footprint and handprint on it. We only held him for a short while then it was time to for him to be taken from us. Saying goodbye to Shalom is the hardest thing I’ve had to do in life. There are no pat answers to this type of pain. I know I have cried many times in private because of my enormous sadness. I don’t understand why God has chosen this particular path for me and I have questioned his wisdom in this situation. There is something in me that wants to say to God that my son doesn’t belong in heaven, I want him here with me. I think that no matter who we are we can say this to God. God this part of my life doesn’t belong to you its mine. I know that life’s relentless pace will gradually reduce the intensity of my sorrow. However, life will never be quite the same because of what has happened. Up to this point my life had been untouched by the reality of death. Now I have joined to God in a new way, as I understand something of what the loss of a son means to a Father. I guess what happened was that I joined the rest of the world in its journey of life in saying, God, I hurt.But, because I know God I can thank Him for sharing that pain with me.The real issue is where do we belong? Do we say to God that we belong to him yet try and hold some of the more painful or more pleasurable areas for ourselves? Ultimately no matter what life dishes up we have to accept that the only way to live life is God’s way.

Integrity and Vision a brief Introduction

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\·Integrity

An important function of leadership is to be a role model in one's influence of others. Perfection is not expected but leaders are required to demonstrate a depth of character and commitment to the values and mission of the organization if they are to effectively influence others to take this same path. Covey describes the trend that developed during last century of management following a personality cult. Whereas in the one hundred and fifty years previously the focus was on one's integrity, character, trustworthiness what emerged was a series of glib mottos. People were expected to follow one's personality and public image that is lubricated through the use of slogans and behavioural manipulation techniques.

Vision

Proverbs 29:18 Where there is no vision the people perish'.

A prime leadership skill will be to envision some desired future state of being, and to inspire others to understand and share that vision (Leadership as Vision, Morden, T.). Effective leadership is able to focus on the big picture issues and see the long term implications of decisions that are made in the present.

To survive in the current world of rapidly changing social structures, technological innovation and the forces of globalization requires the organization to see beyond the current restrictions faced by their members. It will be those groups that identify and provide for the needs of people that will thrive in the future. Those who expect people to come to them and because of past reputations will quickly fade away in the face or rapidly changing needs.

Blog Carnival

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Hey it great to be a part of a carnival. Here I am a part of the pregnancy carnival. But I still remember the difficulty we had when we first started trying to have a family. So I hope that the story is helpful to anyone who reads it.

We are fortunate to have a happy ending.

morning