You have to say sorry. Thank goodness we are seeing the other side of what happens when things go wrong as well. When our leading lights stuff it up. From Mel Gibson, to Kramer to back home in Australia people are making mistakes.

• Watch the Glenn Milne video here
  
• Then Kramer on David Letterman

Then unless we have forgotten just recently Mel Gibson’s meltdown and his need for a huge public apology. I am not sure if Glenn Milne has yet reached the level of humility displayed by Mel. Really self justification as this article sounds like suggests that the lesson has not really be learned properly yet. None of us needs to flog ourselves for the rest of our life for a mistake but all of us need to go beyond dealing with the surface issues.

Glen blaming mixing alcohol with medication may be partly the cause of his actions. But really what we saw was the action of a very angry man. None of that anger is properly faced it is simply justified. Sure he may have been upset by the way that he has been treated but how many careers and lives have been ruined because of inaccurate reporting by the Australian media.

What is the way forward in such a situation? Forgiveness. We all have to let it go and get on with life. I felt sorry for Glenn Milne. His antics on the stage were not acts of greatness. But they did make him vulnerable and where that vulnerability goes will be the measure of his future greatness.

The same is true for any Hollywood star or even a mere mortal such as myself.

This is one of Steve’s most helpful posts in a long time. We all have them in our lives, people who won’t listen. I would like to add my two cents worth to this in the near future but Steve has set the ball rolling when he starts by challenging the position that many of us take when we meet resistance. How can you intelligently deal with people who are close-minded, totally stubborn in their beliefs and unreceptive to new ideas? Steve Pavlina

It’s all about ego. And the key word is intelligence. How quickly do our brains go and our emotions take over when our ego is challenged. In any situation I could be wrong. That is a fairly daunting prospect to apprehend.

Recently we ordered a printer from a very well known manufacturer through an awards scheme. Great idea, I have been plugging away for ages using a black and white laser printer but with so many photos of the kids we wanted to also start printing some of them.

We were rung by a courier company the day before the delivery asking what time we would be home and we were given a two hour window of when the delivery would occur.

Two hours after we were supposed to have the delivery I thought I would like to try to ring the company to see if there was an ETA. However, I hadn’t got the number or the name of the company. No problems I thought I would just give HP a ring and see who they used as the courier for my local area (I had been told that they were the HP deliverers).

So I look up the company’s website and get the numbers for my region. Thankfully they are local call rates so I begin wading through the pressing this number if I want this service and that number if I want to go here. Finally I get to a person and I ask if he could tell me who they used for deliveries in the capital city in my state. He couldn’t tell me. Eventually I discover that they are in another country and he simply does not have the information. You can’t get blood from a stone so I ask is there another number in Australia that I can contact who may be able to help. He gives me another number.

I ring it, and then you know the drill. Lots of keypad work until about 7 minutes later I get to be put on hold then another 12 minutes and I am through to a person. This person sounds a bit more local so I start to feel a bit more hopeful. But, she says no I have the wrong number and says that I should have run another number. You guessed it!! It was the first number that I rang. I told her that this number was no help because they didn’t know what was happening in Australia.

She said I just got the wrong section and suggested that I try a different area. I am not hopeful but I try. Again another obvious offshore voice and again I am not any wiser just becoming significantly time poor.

My last hope. I try to ring the awards scheme. Surely they may be able to tell me who at leas they order it through? Nope. By this time I’m feeling very neglected as a customer. Sure I didn’t pay cash but I have more than paid for it by my use of the reward scheme.

I give up. I have to go out and I really don’t care anymore if I miss the delivery. I’ve wasted nearly an hour trying to just contact the company and my excitement over getting a new printer has diminished significantly.

I go out and don’t get home till after 6pm. The Printer has arrived. It just doesn’t feel the same somehow. I will probably try a different company next time.

One of the personal challenges that I have taken on over the past few years is to find something of beauty in everyone that I meet. Now Steve Pavlina has raised the bar that much higher and said that even sales people are to be loved.

When picking up my daughter there are a group of mothers and some fathers who meet at what they call the cowshed. I usually try to smile at everyone and at least acknowledge most people. There are some people who will never look back or make contact in any way. That’s ok with me I guess they have busy lives.

I had an interesting experience in our local shopping centre a couple of days ago. Here in one of the stands selling a product was one of the mothers from the cowshed. But, she has never acknowledged me in the two years that we have been picking up our kids.

Guess what? She smiled at me when I was walking past. And, I think that she may have even talked to me if she hadn’t been busy at that moment. Two years of zero contact and then a smile. I smiled back. Maybe it was because the context had change or perhaps she just wanted to try to sell me something. This is not for me to judge, its just for me to enjoy the moment and take that smile and appreciate it for itself.

Similiar Posts

Are you tired of People Pretending to be your Friend

Dealing with Difficult People.

All of us have them in our life. I think that I have more than my fair share. There are just some people who will never be happy no matter how hard I try to please them. Dealing with these people is very hard and can tire us out very quickly.

But these people are also important to who I am and what I do. The question that I often ask myself these days is how can I transfer their negative energy into a positive energy. The task is to be able to transform that negative energy into something that is creative and helps them to escape its prison.

Like most of us often my first reaction to a difficult person is to get irritated. Once I am irritated it is very easy to say something that is less than helpful for that person. After I say something that is less than helpful (read into this abrupt or rude) then the relationship is on a downward spiral.

What can I do next to stop this spiral?

Firstly I would try to see first what is good in that person. Even when they try to take me to that negative place first I try to use diversionary tactics and lead them to a better space. Often difficult people will bombard you with problems and issues and controversy. I find an effective strategy is to find something positive to agree on. This allows a platform on which to build a positive relationship.

Secondly I would try to say less and listen more. It always helps to hear what the other person is really saying. When we know that a person is difficult it is easy to stop listening when you feel inundated with their flow of negative energy. Be prepared as much as possible before you meet so that you are ready to listen. Realize that this meeting is going to tire you and you will need space before and after to recover your own energy flow. More often than not if you take the time to listen to another persons story not matter how difficult they may be you will have a greater appreciation of who they are as a person.

Thirdly I would establish clear boundaries for the relationship. Be careful about how much personal information that you divulge because it may be used against you in the future. I only need to share with a few close personal friends because they have the capacity to be totally trusted with whatever I tell them. I have lots of people that I meet and talk with and encourage every day but they don’t need to hear about my personal issues. It is important that I establish boundaries with difficult people because they will tend to overstep into spaces in your life where they don’t belong. Those private spaces are for trusted friends.

Fourthly realize that most difficult people are really searching for intimacy. Often because of who they are they have driven many people away. Usually you will find that their lives are full of shattered, unfulfilled relationships. You can make yourself the one bright light in their lives if you are able to establish caring boundaries that allow for intimacy at a level they have not been able to experience before.

I know I used to be a people pleaser. I thought that every time someone didn’t respond positively to me or reacted angrily that it was about me. I have learned that this is often not the case and that their reaction is more about themselves than me. I do not need to take responsibility for this. When I try to do this all the time I find myself being worn out

When I make a committment to understand I am committing my self to appreciate that person beyond what they may show on the outside. A lack of understanding brings with it bias and ultmately hatred. This is evidenced in the personal and global wars that have been fought since humanity began.When I choose to try to understand I am beginning a peace process within my own life and with all those that I have relationships with.

Whenever I talk to people in the workplace I find that conflict is inevitable. When they describe their situation I can usually discover that at the root of the conflict is another person. A DIFFICULT person. Manage them well and they could become one of your greatest assets.

Principles of Living a Strong Life

Find your Greatest Strength

1. For something to be a strength you must be able to do it consistently. I know that sometimes I can do something once. To be counted as a strength it must be able to be done repeatedly, happily and successfully.
2. You do not have to be strong in every area to excel in your role. In fact it is often those who are unbalanced in their strengths who are able to do something great. It is important to be able to let other people’s strengths fill in the gaps as you seek to grow. But, don’t be afraid if you can’t do something outsource it if you need to.
3. You will only ever excel by maximizing you strengths. Don’t waste too much energy trying to fix your weaknesses. To focus on a problem is a common human trait and ultimately will lead to frustration. Find ways to work around your weaknesses so that you are able to hone your strengths even more.

In determining the sort of life that you want to have take some time to determine what are the main requirements of any task you are considering taking on. This will allow you to be able to focus on what you can offer from your core strengths. This process should be determined as you identify your key talents (this is not meant to be an advertisement but the Green Light Profile is an excellent tool). get yourself a coach to help you in the journey the investment will be more than worth it. It could save you a lot of money in the future. There are a number of other great tools out there that are worthwhile considering and I will try to cover them in a later post.

Find the Source of Your Energy

We all know that passion is a key aspect to success. Without it we quickly lose interest in whatever we are pursuing. Energy is released when we find a task that is intrinsically rewarding. Some people call this, “Flow”.

All of us are different in the way we source our creative energy. Extroverts require the input of others and love focus groups, brainstorming and interaction of every kind. Introverts need the quiet moments to be able to dream, or others require their own workshop or science lab or keyboard. Learn what energizes and what drains you and make sure that you allow enough time to do the things that will give you energy.

Public Speaking

There are three parts to any talk

1. Introduction Here you tell people what you are going to talk about
2. Body  Here you tell people what you want them to hear
3. Conclusion Here you tell them what you have just told them

Principle One

The greater degree of participation the receiver has the more likely your message will pass on to that person. Communication requires that you create an environment in which the listener connects to the information that you are presenting.

Introduction- Principle Two

Assume your audience is totally disinterested in what you have to say. It is up to you to:

• know your audience
• hook your audience

There is the story of Nathan the prophet and the parable he spoke to David who was his king:

There were two men who lived in the same town, one was very rich and the other was very poor. The rich man owned many sheep and cattle more than he could count. But the poor man had nothing except one very young lamb he had bought. He raised it, fed it from a bottle and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food and even slept in his arms. It was like another precious child to him.

One day a traveller visited the rich man. The rich man refused to use one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveller. Instead he took the lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for his visitor. (II Samuel 12:1-4)

This man’s life depended on him getting his point across. If he had started out by saying to his king you are a bad man because you have had an affair with a married woman and then you killed her husband. What would have been his response?

Nathan hooked David with a story and by doing it this way was able to convey the truth effectively. His goal was to get David to recognise his mistake and his use of effective communication achieved that end.

David’s response was quick and to the point. The man that committed such a horrendous crime should die. That was the punishment that was equal to the crime. It was at this Nathan was able to bring his truth home, You are the man.(vs 7) It was then that David was able to realise the full implications of his wrong behaviour.

Hook your audience with:

• A question
• A startling fact: for example the newspaper or the evening news.
• A Story
• An interesting exhibit (The celebrant with a spanner)
• A startling statistic

Never start with an apology:

Most people don’t realise most of the mistakes that you make so by saying something about it you only draw attention to a fact that most people arent aware of.

An apology suggests to people that the job has not been done as well as it should be. The only person who benefits from giving this information is you.

Warning: Be careful of trying to start with a joke. If the joke falls flat then it sets the tone for the whole presentation from the square one. It may be very difficult to create a positive atmosphere or be taken seriously from there on.

Be positive: Your face is capable of creating about 250 000 expressions and a lot of communication is not just through what we say but how we say it. IF you are trying to communicate something make sure you believe in what you are saying.

• Check your fly before you get up in front of an audience
• Take any keys or change from your pocket to avoid distracting jingling. If you are nervous you may do without realizing
• Watch excessive or obtrusive hand movements
• Be conscious of nervous habits that may develop without you being aware of them. Get someone to give you feedback about any annoying repetitious movements you may have.

Body

The body of your speech contains the information that you want to present

Principle Three

Keep it simple. Try to make sure that you keep it as simple as possible remember that most people will forget most of what you say.

Coping with Nervousness

Know your stuff  IF you are familiar with your material then you will be more confident when it comes to standing if front of your audience.

• Prepare
• Practice
• Pactice
• Practice

Eye Contact

Look at everyone. When you practice, scan your imaginary audience. Don’t move your eyes too fast, as this will be distracting. Don’t do it too slowly otherwise it will be interpreted as a stare and may intimidate the listener to the point they don’t hear what you are saying.

Warning: Never use sarcasm to try to rescue a situation. Sarcasm can end up in a person feeling put down and humiliation should never be our goal when giving a talk.

Gestures

If you make a gesture make it definite timid gestures can be irritating. Be careful about repeating the one particular gesture as this may distract your congregation. Make sure gestures are natural. Practice you gestures beforehand but don’t force them when you are in front of the congregation.

Vocal Delivery

1. Pitch
This is the movement of the voice up and down. Changes in pitch are called melody. Monotone will put people to sleep.

2. Punch
Dropping the voice to a near whisper can be just as effective in emphasizing a point as raising the volume.

3. Progress Timing
Pacing out words can be used to emphasise a point.

In this situation the child is in no doubt that they are to pay special attention to what their parent is saying and will say next.

4. Pause
Rudyard Kipling said, “by your silence you shall speak.” A funny story gives its punch line away by the pause before its delivery.

Repetition

Winston Churchill is famous for is words to the boys at Eton.

Never give up, Never give up Never give up

Martin Luther King is always remembered for his “I have a dream speech”. Over and over he made his point by using this statement repeatedly. These orators used repetition to bring their point home. They effectively used this to communicate to their listeners their main point.

Rephrasing

Say the same thing but say it in a different way. Or using different words to say the same thing or express the same idea but use a different method.

We must remember that people will put your information through their own filters and that different words will trigger responses. Rephrasing can help communicate to more people.

Dealing with Difficulties

• Disruptions If people come late unless it is absolutely necessary do not address them this will only further serve to distract the people around them from the thread of your argument

Conclusion

Leave the audience with something to remember and an action to take. In summing up:

• Repeat the main points
• Prescribe an action

Principle Three

A good conclusion is rarely thought up on the spur of the moment. Plan ahead on how you expect to finish

You can read and listen to these impressive speeches by going to American Rhetoric, at http://www.americanrhetoric.com/. Under the “Most Requested” heading, click on “I Have a Dream.” orThe History Channel’s site at http://www.historychannel.com/speeches/archive.html has a wealth of speech material. At left, under the “Browse” heading, click on “Great Speeches.“ and/orTo study speeches by women around the world, go to http://www.giftsofspeech.org. Browse by last name or by year. Also offered are lists of Nobel Lectures and the Top 100 American Speeches in the 20th Century.

Links

• Five Tips for Public Speaking – From Chris Gribble
• Steve Pavlina on humor
• Allyn and Bacon Site on Public Speaking
• Toastmasters International

George Carlin was an American comedian of the 70’s and 80’s. He was known to be a little foul-mouthed and it is fascinating that after the death of his wife and 9-11 he would write the following:

• The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
• We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
• We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
• We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
• We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
• We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
• We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
• We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life.
• We’ve added years to life not life to years.
• We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour.
• We conquered outer space but not inner space.
• We’ve done larger things, but not better things.
• We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
• We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
• We write more, but learn less.
• We plan more, but accomplish less.
• We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait.
• We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
• These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men andsmall character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
• These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
• These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, weight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
• It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
• A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
• Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets,

keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don’t send this to at least 8 people….who cares?

George Carlin