Chris Gribble

Be yourself - Everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)

Key coaching questions – that empower the individual

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I have been involved in coaching/mentoring people for over 15 years. My longetivity in this reflects my concern for poeple and a desire to improve their situation. When I first began my model was a problem centred model. I used to ask questions like:

  1. What did you do wrong in this situation?
  2. This action or thought pattern reflects a shortcoming in your character what are you going to do to change this?

and so on ……..

Today I don’t think that these questions were good questions. Even though I really did want to help these people I was not equipped with the right questions to be of the most benefit for them. As I wrote in a recent post that looked at empowering and disempowering questions that we can ask ourselves I think that some of these early questions that I asked were disempowering for the people that I was coaching.

It was interesting to reflect on my personal growth in this area when recently a person that I was coaching mentioned to me that the questions that I ask are ones that highlight strengths. So now I tend to ask questions that endeavour to bring out the positive aspects of a person’s life experiences.

It is very easy to see what is wrong in someone else. An imperative required in choosing coach is to find the person who can see what is right in you and ask you questions that affirm and strengthen that rightness.

If your executive coach is asking you questions that only ever feel like they are pointing out what is wrong it may be time to reconsider who is your coach. Find a coach who works from your strengths and encourages your uniqueness and who asks questions that affirm these things in you.

More on vision

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Warren Bennis said this after his study of organisations,

“In every case where they had reached epiphanies, there was a leader who was able to enrol people in an exciting, insanely significant vision. Someone who was capable of reeling in the advocates and supporters to work with him or her. They all believed that they could make a dent in the universe.”(1997)

The signs of an effective organisational vision in your learning context will be evident in your followers. The leadership will need to be evaluating whether its members are reaching their potential and whether they being equipped to fulfil their role. Secondly the question must be asked at all levels are people learning? It will be the leadership vision and effective management of the vision that will enable your organisation to achieve new goals.

Warren Bennis (1997) also states what leaders must create is the social architecture that encourages people to work together successfully. The difficulty facing leadership is to harness egos to unleash the potential that is available. For an organisation the social structure must extent beyond superficial social niceties and be channelled into the practical aspects of fulfilling its vision. The social architecture will be constructed through its reorganisation as a “learning organisation” in which each of its participants becomes a contributing learner.

Encouraging vision in your organisation

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John Maxwell suggests some of the following ideas if an environment is to be created that will encourage others to take hold of a vision:

1. Come alongside them – There are different levels of leadership that a leader can have. At the bottom level is designated authority. This is where people follow because of your assigned position and they have no choice. At the highest level is that of personhood/respect. At this level you have developed followers who are loyal and sacrificial. They are this way because they have seen you demonstrate sacrificial and loyal leadership to them.

2. Paint a picture for them – This picture should set new horizons for the individuals in the organisation; it should give hope; it should be challenging; it should provide freedom; the journey is important; it should provide a path to the ultimate goal; they should be able to see your total commitment to the vision. (Maxwell,J)

3. Put it into context – Lyall Shaller  says that the most effective leaders are those that understand and adopt the values of the group that they join.

There is a big difference between one’s personal vision and implementing a corporate vision. A personal vision will not change an organization and belongs to the leader alone. A leader must be able to rise above themselves and to see the future through other people’s perspective.

Weak and Strong questions

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All of us have an internal dialogue that continues throughout our day. In it we ask ourselves questions. The following questions are some examples of strong and weak questions that we can ask ourselves in this self talk.

Nearing the end of the workday

Weak: Have I done enough that I can justify quitting for the day? Is this a good time to stop? Can I finish this tomorrow?

Strong: What’s next? How can I complete one more task? How much more can I get done today?

When spending time with the kids

Weak: Why do I have to do so much childcare? How can I keep the kids from draining my energy this evening? What’s the bare minimum I can do to keep them out of my hair? How early can I put them to bed?

Strong: What can I do with the kids that will leave me feeling energized? What do I appreciate most about my kids? What would I enjoy doing with them this evening? What would happen if I let my kids direct how we spend our time together?

When facing an unfamiliar social situation

Weak: How can I avoid looking like an idiot? What should I talk about? How can I keep from being too nervous or shy? How did I get myself into this situation? Can I get out of going?

Strong: Won’t it be fun to meet some interesting new people? If I see someone there who’s a bit shy, what can I do to make him/her feel more comfortable? What can I expect others at this event to have in common with me?

When feeling depressed, anxious, or otherwise negative

Weak: Why do I feel so down? Why can’t I be happy? How come I never get any time to myself?

Strong: What can I do to energize myself? Who can I talk to that would help cheer me up? What can I read or listen to that would inspire me? Are these feelings trying to tell me something  should I go journal about them? How long can I hold a fake smile before it forces me to start feeling good again?

What’s the difference?

Weak questions are disempowering. They keep your focused on your own ego, your problems, and your shortcomings. Weak questions keep you focused on what’s wrong on what isn’t working. That might seem like a good idea, but all it does is further reinforce the situation you’d like to change. Weak questions will lead your brain to come up with answers that are useless, circular, or even destructive.

So the way forward is to start asking ourselves the right questions. Ones that are empowering and encourage our success.

The difficulty for many people is that they will need to unlearn many familiar conversational patterns. Sometimes it is easier to remain in the familiar no matter how disempowering it may be. Being a victim exonerates that person from a certain level of responsibility and that can feel safe.

Empowered people are willing to take on the greatest challenge they will ever face. Themselves.

Microsoft – success against the odds

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Bill Gates always had quite a lot to say about strategy. In the manner of management gurus he has isolated six things that a company should do to achieve success in any market.

It should:

1. Concentrate on a market with big potential and few competitors
2. Get in early and go in big
3. Set up a proprietary position
4. Protect that position using every method available
5. Aim for high gross margins or the highest available
6. Make customers an offer they find hard, if not impossible, to refuse

It is interesting to note that Microsoft has not always been the best or the first but it has become the biggest. For example Gates was originally dismissive of the internet. Windows came years after Apple’s graphic interface. It’s product is often regarded as inferior to others. Windows if full of security issues.

Should we really be listening to Bill?

Career Stages

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Career Stage Age Characteristics (Super)

Growth Birth to 14 or 15: Development of self-concept, capacity, attitudes, interests, needs, general understanding of the world of work

Exploratory 15-24: “Trying out” through classes, work experience, hobbies. Tentative choice and related skill development

Establishment 25-44: Entry-level skill building and stabilization through work experience

Maintenance 45-64: Continual adjustment process to improve position

Decline 65+: Reduced output, prepare for retirement

How to change the world

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Ivan Illich an advocate of the poor in South America was asked what the most powerful way to change a society. Illich response was this,

“Neither revolution nor reformation can ultimately change a society. Rather you must tell a new and powerful tale, one so pervasive that it sweeps away the old myths and becomes the preferred story, one so inclusive that it gathers all the bits from the past and our present into a coherent whole, one that even shines some light into the future so that we can take the next step forward”.

In each of us there is a story. Successful people are those who are able to write a postive story for their future. They don’t live in the past defeats and disappointments. This story is able to overcome the hardships, misfortunes and injustices of the past and bring them into a brighter future.

History is full of poeple who have been able to do this. They are our leaders.

5 Kinds of people who affect our spiritual passion

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Very Resourceful people

They ignite our passion.

VRP’s are sometimes called mentors or shapers of our life. These are the people who ignite our passion for higher performance.

Each of us can probably think of different VRP’s that have shaped our spiritual life throughout the years. Significant in my early Christian experience was a man called John Sefton. He was the dean of the Christian Community that I lived in. He impressed me with quiet approach to knowing God. His ordinariness to me was an inspiration that I too could effectively serve God.

Of course the temptation for us to want to stay in a VRP relationship forever. One in which we are constantly being renewed by the passion they have for their life’s purpose. This is unhealthy for both parties and does not allow us to develop in our lives the independent and resourceful spiritual passion we are talking about that makes one a life force for our future.

VRP’s are those whom we lean upon for direction and approval. We gain courage from their courage and maturity. They are in every sense of the word our resource, from them we can draw our first sense of passion.

Very Important People

They share our Passion

Conflict with a VIP will usually be resolved quickly and the experience not dwelt upon. When you are with a VIP facing challenges together you are aware that in partnership you.

With a VIP you don’t spend lots of time trying to get along, or debating whose philosophy will prevail, or determining whose in charge. We are bound together to get a task done and get it done we will.

I have a friend who I have known since Grade 7. One of the distinctives of our friendship is we laugh together. We know most of each other’s stories. After knowing each other for over 20 years we understand each other’s weaknesses well but don’t feel compelled to always draw attention to them. We can challenge and question each other without fear of knowing the friendship will fade away.

VIP’s share our passion. Together you stir each other up and encourage each other to better and more faithful performances. VIP’s keep us looking at the right goals; our rationalizations and excuses do not fool them. They sense when we are hurting or in need. They delight in our successes and weep with us in our disappointments.

Very Trainable People

They catch our passion.

VTP’s will tax our strength because they require our input. But, they are great to have around because we sense the possibilities in them. There is immense enjoyment in seeing a person catching hold of spiritual things.

Very Nice People

They enjoy our passion.

McDonald describes VNP’s as being like a send up he saw of breakfast cereal. They don’t snap crackle and pop. They don’t turn colours. They’re not coated in sugar and they’re not shot from guns. What do they do? They simply lie in the bowl and soak up milk.

So is the role of the VNP.

We can expend a great deal of energy on accommodating to the needs of very nice people. VIP’s and VTP’s will often accept great inconveniences to direct resources and services into an organisation. VNP’s prefer nice facilities, services delivered at convenient times, programs built in personal gain, convenience and enhancement of their own comfort.

They exhaust because of their desire to take whatever the leader has to give.

Very Draining People

They sap our passion.

This does not mean we are excused from working with and dealing with these types of people but we need to be aware that contact with them will result in a constant outflow of energy from the person ministering to them.

Any group of people you come across will have a percentage of VDP’s. Of course it is hoped that the input they receive will allow them to become trainable.

  1. VDP’s will be drawn to any healthy group of people. They will remain there until they become healthy or they are pushed away.
  2. A healthy group of people will lose its vitality if there are too many VDP’s to sustain. The life of the group becomes crises or problem orientated. Any movement toward any type of objective becomes impossible.
  3. Very dependent people who are permitted to relentlessly drain leaders will ultimately create a climate where no one will want to serve in a leadership capacity.

The people around us give and they take. We can expect that a flow of passion will be moving in one direction or another. We need to understand this and to plan to refresh ourselves regularly.

How we do this will be dealt with in future posts.

Passion

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“For some time I have sensed that many people feel that they are careening down an unmarked road of life. We believe the road is going somewhere, but we are not sure where that somewhere is or how we will be certain when we’ve reached the destination. In transit we move at a dangerous kind of top speed, because we think that will quicken the time of arrival. And with every mile we grow increasingly frustrated and tired……The weariness is a far cry from the excitement that usually marks the beginning of the trip. What happens? What goes wrong?”

In the deepest jungles of Africa a traveler was making a long trek. Coolies had been engaged from a tribe to carry the loads. The first day they marched rapidly and went far. The traveler had high hopes of a speedy journey. But the second morning these jungle tribesmen refused to move. For some strange reason they just sat and rested. When asked about this strange behaviour, the traveler was told they had gone to fast the first day, and that they were now waiting for their souls to catch up with their bodies.

The lady who told this story in her book then goes on to say, This whirling rushing life which so many of us live does for us what that first march did for those poor jungle people. The difference: they knew what they needed to restore life’s balance; too often we do not.

Incredibly these words were written fifty years ago.

Of course we are all well aware the buzzword of the today’s workplace are stress and burnout. Our workplaces are full of people who were once committed to their organisation but now no longer appear to have the will of the strength to go on. In so many organisations there are many people who were once active and ambitious but are no longer involved except perhaps to “turn up?”

Being with some people is exhausting. A number of years ago I spent an 8 hour shift with a person going through I manic phase of a psychiatric illness. After about an hour I was exhausted. It wasn’t because I had to anything physical but he was in a constant state of action. He would play several songs for me to listen to in the space of a couple of minutes. Then he would want to do watch TV but he would only want to leave it on any one channel for a few seconds. Then he would walk in circles in an exercise enclosure. All the time there would a constant stream of words sometimes they would make sentences but the effort of trying to keep track of them was fatiguing.

Of course there are some people who energize us. They leave us with a fresh sense of purpose. They give us dreams and ideas. Understanding the effect people have on us will help us to understand where our spiritual energy goes and we can anticipate when we need to restore it.

Anthony Robbins – an Introduction

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In revenue Robbins is the biggest thing in life coaching today. Robbins serves as Chairman of five private companies and Vice Chairman of two companies, including one public company, that together generate nearly half of $1 billion in revenue per year (Robbins.com)

In his personal biography located on his website he outlines many of his achievements. Robbins has no hesitation in indulging in self promotion.

Robbins is an internationally best-selling author with five books published in 14 languages and is the creator of the #1 personal and professional development system of all time— Personal Power —that alone has sold more than 35 million audio tapes worldwide. He is one of the most sought after speakers in the world; more than three million people from over 80 countries have attended Anthony Robbins live seminars or speaking engagements. Robbins has created a system of “total immersion” which produces the education, strategies, and momentum for measurable and lasting change. Robbins is also the founder of Mastery University which brings together leading experts from their respective fields in the world to train leaders from around the world. In the past, Robbins’ co-facilitators have included General Norman Schwarzkopf and Secretary of State Colin Powell on leadership, Dr. Deepak Chopra on psychoneuroimmunology, Peter Lynch and Sir John Templeton on finance (www.robbins.com)

His is quite an incredible rise from being a school caretaker to ‘peak performance coach.’ He combines a unique mix of evangelistic fervour in his seminar presentations, with pseudo psycho-babble and a little bit of new age chanting. His “Unleash the Power Within” seminars remain his centrepiece combining homespun wisdom, positive thinking techniques, uplifting case studes and a good dose of showmanship (The witch doctors p.353). What cannot be denied is his incredible success and the success of many of his devotees.

Stephen Covey – An Introduction

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Stephen Covey is arguably the father of the modern coaching movement even though Tony Robbin’s website also lays the claim to the title. After the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, was published in 1989 people rushed to develop personal mission statements and develop principle centred leadership. The book has sold 15 million copies and has been translated into 38 languages; it is still on the Wall Street Journal’s business bestseller list (Fenner, E.). His consulting company is a multi million dollar industry that has 1500 employees and operates internationally in over 38 countries.

His other works such as “First Things First” and “Principle Centred Leadership” are also international bestsellers have continued on with his themes of living with integrity and effective management of oneself. He also stresses that we are responsible for our choices. “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”

Covey unlike many other modern gurus’ is quite well qualified to comment on business management and organisational development. He has studied business at Utah University and Harvard business school before returning to Brigham Young University. His PhD thesis was on American success literature since 1776. It was out of this study that he developed the concept that for much history leadership was character centred but in recent times we had become more interested in superficial techniques, style and glib statements. His call is to return to a principle centred leadership based on integrity and honesty.

Covey’s success can also be attributed to his application of the principles to his own business. He is focussed in his goal of turning the Covey Leadership centre into the largest self help multi-national in the world (Witchdoctors p. 149). The franchise continues to grow after the 7 Habits came, “Principle centred leadership” then “First things First, then his son wrote 7 Habits for highly effective teens the Eight Discipline was released in 2004.

4 Keys to leading change

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  1. What are we really wanting to change to?
  2. How do I set goals that we motivate?
  3. How do we measure what activities will have the most effect?
  4. How do we sustain the momentum?

Change is both a social and peformance function within any organisation. One of the key roles of a change leader is to create a social climate within the organisation that encourages and enables change to occur.

The qualities of effective leaders

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In a survey done on the CEO’s of the top 100 companies in New York the following qualities were expressed as most desirable of leaders. It is interesting to note that none of the qualities had anything to do with business acumen. The main qualities were all to do with a person’s character.

  1. Never compromise on matters of principle nor standards of excellence, even on minor issues.
  2. Be patient and never give up
  3. Have a vision of where you are going and communicate it to others
  4. Know what you stand for; set high standards and don’t be afraid to take on tough problems despite the risk.
  5. Spend less time managing and more time leading. Lead by example.
  6. Bring out the best in others. Hire the best people you can find, then delegate authority and responsibility, but stay in touch.
  7. Have confidence in yourself and in those around you; trust others.
  8. Accept blame for failures and credit others with success. Possess integrity and personal courage.

Effective fathering – Have fun

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I think that laughter is one of the greatest gifts that a Dad can give his children. One of the favourite things that my children say to me is, “silly Daddy.” This is because I am very silly sometimes. It’s true.

I really want my kids to grow up knowing that fun and laughter should be made a habit. It needs to be worked at especially if their personality doesn’t find it as natural as some. In our family Sophia is quite serious whereas Yasmin is always prepared to laugh at almost anything.

Mums tend to have the hard work of child raising. A part of a Dad’s role is to bring fun into the life of the family. It tempers the discipline that sometimes a Father has to enforce. And sometimes they need to give their wife the room to have fun with the kids too. I always find it amusing that even though I am the one who buys sweets when we are out and with me they tend to get things their own way that it still their mum that they turn to most of the time.

Our life has it share of difficulties. April and I have often reflected that the past 3 years have stretched us the most of the 14 years of our marriage. We have struggled financially, we have struggled in my work, we have found living in a new environment very disruptive. Yet we need to remember in the midst of this that we need to continue to have fun.

I like being the “silly daddy” who provides for my family.

The first time

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Actually this is not my first blog. But it is the culmination of years of interest in the internet, a passion for communication, and a genuine concern to assist people to reach their potential.

A blog is a medium that is able to combine all of these features in a format that is becoming one of the most effective communications mediums that the world has ever seen. There are millions of blogs and they are multiplying all over the web.

So what is different about this blog? Probably not much except it will be a reflection of my God ordained uniqueness. All of us will in some way at some time seek to improve ourselves this blog is an account of my journey.