Chris Gribble

Be yourself - Everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)

Freelance Switch

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I have enjoyed many of the articles that have been written by Freelance Switch. Even though they are only 6 months old they have build an impressive following.

I especially liked this tool the hourly rate calculator.

Living in a Red Light area

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traffic_light.gifNo this has nothing to do with living in one of the seedier areas of a city. This post is what we can do about having to continually work in in your red light area. Where every day you are doing things that aren't your strengths and where you have to deal with the insecurity of not looking your best. In my previous post I mentioned that one of the effects of working in a red light area was that negativity could become a part of your input into the rest of the team. I would like to look at ways that you can still be positive when having to work in a red light zone.

  1. Take one day at a time. Yep a week can seem like an eternity but try to find good things in each day as they come. Try to find enjoyment in certain areas of what you are doing that day.
  2. Enjoy the people that you are with. There is always an opportunity to be encouraging, to laugh or to enjoy the satisfaction of doing something with someone else. Try to focus in the goodness that you find in those around you.
  3. Dream. Yep if you are stuck in something that is quite mundane use it as an opportunity to dream of something bigger. Use the red light time constructively to think of new ideas and opportunities that may be just around the corner.
  4. Plan.  A good idea needs a plan. So use this time to plan for how you can make your big idea happen.
  5. Do it. Don't get stuck in the rut for too long. Sooner or later you will have to do something about it. Take the plunge and be adventurous. In the Australian vernacular we would say, "have a go." There are lots of people out there who have been dissatisfied enough with their current situation who have had a go at something new and become enormous successes. The next one could be you or me.

We will all have times when we have to work in a red light area. Use these times as a motivation to push forward. They can help to clarify what your green light areas really are. They can motivate you to do something that may be the next really big opportunity for your life. Don't  fall into the trap of negativity. You will end up just feeling sorry for yourself and the only one who can do that properly is yourself so it can be a very lonely place to be.

Are you a team player?

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traffic_light.gif In answering this question I would like to firstly define exactly what a team player does.

“A team player is one who responsibly carries out their share of the work load to expectations while contributing to the team’s goals. They have a positive, constructive attitude, and function co-operatively with team associates.” Richard Hagstrom

So I would think that you would expect to see some of the following things coming from a team player.

  1. Lots of positive comments about other people with whom they work
  2. A positive outlook on the future
  3. A realistic understanding of what each person is contributing
  4. A desire to share glory for any successes
  5. A willingness to be open about mistakes
  6. A good estimation of one’s own abilities and the contribution they make to the rest of the group

This is a short summary of some of the things that I would be looking for in a team player.

How do I understand this in terms of someone who has completed a Green Light Profile. Just in case you have forgotten here is a brief summary of the GLP.

Green Light Profile

The Green Light Profile (GLP) will help you form realistic expectations of your performance and facilitate the realization of your life purpose, career values and goals. It highlights areas in life and a work in which you will tend to be most effective and less effective. It helps assess present situations and sort through decision alternatives to maximize life satisfaction.

Work is a major contributor to our sense of identity and can allow us to feel like we are making a positive contribution to our families and community. Life satisfaction is influenced by the content of your work and how much it contributes to the achievement of your life purpose.

A traffic light is used to illustrate performance standards. Your Greens include responsibilities that give you the greatest job satisfaction and allow you to perform to the best of your ability. Yellows include responsibilities that you may perform effectively for short amounts of time. Reds cannot be avoided but awareness of them can remove the guilt for not being able to perform perfectly in this area. Reds are more palatable if they contribute directly to your life purpose.

Each of us has a set of core values that guides our perception of the ideal job. The GLP will help you find yours and apply your conclusions to your current or future roles.

Successful career choices are difficult to make if you don’t have a clear idea of where you want to go. Without a vision of a desired future state even a good career choice can end in confusion, weariness, burnout and powerlessness. The GLP will help you identify your strengths and view new possibilities for your future.


What is the Green Light Profile

The Green Light Profile (GLP) involves viewing activities and responsibilities through traffic light lenses.

Greens are your strengths, things you will tend to do well, these are the areas that you will excel in and find the most satisfaction in performing.

Reds are your limitations or things you will tend not to do well, a job that requires that you mostly work in your red area will not be as satisfying and can result in poorer performance.

You may perform Yellows somewhat effectively but should only do so in small amounts. Long stretches of Yellow work usually becomes distasteful resulting in a less effective performance.

Someone engaged mostly in Green work will tend to be a self-starter and great team player who is full of positive energy. Their work is meaningful and satisfying to them.

I believe that most people desire to be team players. After all we are very social creatures. The dilemma that we may discover in our work lives is that we can find that we are mostly involved in work that is in our red areas. After a while we will find that such work will suck our energy and we can begin to take from the team rather than give to it.

Someone performing mostly Red work may have a negative attitude and tend to procrastinate. They may be a reluctant team player experiencing only erratic energy spurts. They find their work meaningless, stressful and/or boring.

The effects of someone working mainly in their Red areas will be felt by those around them. It will impact on the team. A person who is a great team player when working in the Green Light area may become negative and begin impact on the overall effectiveness of the team.

So what do I do?

Sometimes you have to make a decision to look after the overall welfare of the team and disregard your personal Green Light areas for a while. This can only ever be a short term strategy. Anyone who has to work for too long in their red areas will stop being a team player.

Sometimes you cannot change your circumstances you have to change your attitude. I remember a several years ago working in a job that I didn’t enjoy very much at all. Every day while walking to work my head was saying, “I hate this job, I hate this job, I hate this job.”

Needless to say this effected my attitude and what I said to others. I had to make a decision about my attitude. First I realised that I needed a job to support my family. Secondly I needed to treat those around me with more respect and become aware of the team’s needs as well as my own. Thirdly I had to put in place the facility to eventually change my circumstances.

The solution short term was to change my attitude. The solution long term was to look for something to do where I could be more in my Green Light Areas. Interestingly at this point in my career I hadn’t come across the Green Light Profile but it all makes more sense to me now after understanding the Green Light Concept.

Finding yourself is about finding others

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I think that one of the major weaknesses of society is the emphasis on me.

  1. We are told to look after number one.
  2. We are told that the most important person is me
  3. We are told that you have to look after yourself first
  4. We are told that the most important discovery that we will make is about ourselves.

Of course there are elements of truth in all of the above list. We do need to have a certain level of self care. We cannot ignore some of our basic needs. But any system of self help must include the question how do I find my place among others.

Humans are social beings. We live in societies, we work in teams, we have families, we join groups. These are all important parts of being human. We cannot find ourselves until we are able to deal with the realities of living in a community.

One of the fundamental weaknesses of democracy is its insistence on the rights of the individual. This is because to a large extent we have failed to discover a common set of values that can bind us together as a community. We see the effects of the breakdown in community all around us. Broken families, depression, anxiety, stress, physical distress are all evidence of a breakdown in our wellbeing.
But the real outcome of this is that people become lost. When we no longer are able to function in community or find a community that we can function in and so we lose our way.

I have worked with people for a long time and over and over the story I hear is one of people trying to discover their place in the world. They ask the question, from where do I get meaning? And as much as self help can be an aid in that journey its not the destination.

Any journey of self discovery must take you to a place where you are able to meet with others. A place where people know your name, where you are valued because of who you are and not what you produce, where you begin to see yourself clearly through the eyes of others. It is only when we begin to realise the impact that we have on others that we can begin to change. If we only ever look at ourselves we will lack the impetus to make life altering changes in our own lives.

Success – attitude that will make it

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I think a lot of this is really common sense but sometimes we need to be reminded about the sorts of attitudes that lead to a successful life. At any point on this diagram we can short circuit success.

“No one ever finds life worth living he has to make it worth living.”
Unknown

“Pity is one of the noblest emotions available to human beings; self-pity is possibly the most ignoble . . . . [It] is an incapacity, a crippling emotional disease that severely distorts our perception of reality . . . a narcotic that leaves its addicts wasted and derelict.”
Eugene H. Peterson
Author of Earth and Altar

“The winner’s edge is not in a gifted birth, a high IQ, or in talent. The winner’s edge is all in the attitude, not aptitude. Attitude is the criterion for success.”
Dennis Waitley

success.jpg

General Colin Powell’s Rules:

1. It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.
2. Get mad, then get over it.
3. Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your
position falls, your ego goes with it.
4. It can be done!
5. Be careful what you choose. You may get it.
6. Don’t let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision.
7. You can’t make someone else’s choices. You shouldn’t let someone
else make yours.
8. Check small things.
9. Share credit.
10. Remain calm. Be kind.
11. Have a vision. Be demanding.
12. Don’t take counsel of your fears or naysayers.
13. Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.

The heart of the matter

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The Lord said, “I myself will dream a dream within you. Good dreams come from me, you know. My dreams seem impossible, not too practical, not for the cautious man or woman. A little risky sometimes, a trifle brash perhaps. Some of my friends prefer to rest more comfortable in sounder sleep with vision less eyes. But for those who share my dreams I ask a little patience, a little humour, a little courage, and a listening heart – I will do the rest. Then they will risk and ponder at their daring, run and marvel at their speed, build and stand in awe at the beauty of their building. You will meet me often as you work – in your companions who share your risk, in your friends who believe in you enough to lend their own dreams, their own hands, their own hearts in your building: in the people who find your doorway, stay awhile and walk away knowing that they too can find a dream. There will be sun filled days and sometimes it will rain a – little variety-. Both come from me. So, come, be content. It is my dream you dream. My caring you witness. My love you share. And this will be the heart of the matter.” (Author Unknown)

Yesterday we were the part of a new venture in the spirit. Soul Whispers. No web page yet but when it comes I will let you know. We all have a dance and for each of us it will have a unique tempo and rhythm. This was handed out to all of us who were there to encourage Bruce on his journey.

[rockyou 62361806]

Richard Rohr – Manhood principles

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Finding a valid manhood today is not an easy task. We live in a time where men have been forced to reevaluate their roles and in the process of often lost their way. Rohr has developed 5 principles of initiation that men need to realise if they are to really discover their true selves. Like Jesus said, its only those who lose themselves that truly find themselves. These five principles are difficult because they remove one’s self from the centre.

YOUR LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU. – I am not the centre of the universe. This is the opposite of the self help mantra which tells us life is all about finding ourselves.

LIFE IS HARD – As we are all aware suffering is universal.
There are two main ways that we deal with this pain:
1. We will become inflexible, blaming and petty as we grow older.

2. We will need other people to hate in order to expel our inner negativity.

3. We will play the victim in some form as a means of false power.

4. We will spend much of our life seeking security and status as a cover-up for lack of a substantial sense of self.

5. We will pass on our deadness to our family, children and friends.

Human beings will do everything under the sun to avoid the problems of me, now, and here.

Only suffering and certain kinds of awe lead us into genuinely new experiences. All the rest is merely the confirmation of old experience.

YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT

Transformed people tend to transform people (hurt people hurt people).

Herea Copernican revolution of the mind equivalent to that for earthbound humans when they discovered that our planet was not the centre of the universe.

Catholics have made Jesus into a scholastic philosopher, Protestants have made him into a moralist: so when we can’t get a clear moral code or dogma out of Jesus teaching we simply abandoned it in any meaningful sense (so the Sermon on the Mount  the essence of Jesus teaching  is the least quoted in official Church documents

YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL

The essence of modern self-help: Take control of your life!(but the Twelve-Step program teaches that you must admit you are powerless before you can find your true power.

The virtues in the first half of life are about self-control; in the second half about giving up control. This is how we grow:/ By being deciseively defeated by ever greater forces(Rilke).

If you are willing to serenely bear the trial of being displeasing to yourself, then you will be for Jesus a pleasant place of shelter (Therese of Lisieux).

Career Anchor – Summary

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The concept of a career anchor is developed by Schein. He ascertains that there are several layers that form one’s career. Satisfaction is a complex relationship between skills, values, motives and needs. The forming of these perceptions is a process that can require up to a decade of work experience (Schein p.17). People will be motivated by things that they tend to do well.

A career refers to our work life and is relevant to a wide variety of work choices that encompasses each individuals career options. Within this career there are external components such as specific competencies, knowledge and skills required to fulfill the job requirements. Each of us will also have a deeper motivation for doing what we do. Identifying these motivations will help you to understand how to make positive career choices that will provide maximum satisfaction and allow you to live with integrity.

A career anchor is the core values, competencies and motives that guide your perception of the ideal job. There are eight identified career anchors that will remain constant through your working life.

 The career anchor questionnaire helps one to analyze the following:

  • What are my talents, skills and areas of competence?
  • What are my strengths and weaknesses?
  • What are my main motives needs and drives?
  • What are the criteria (values) that I judge what I am doing?

Schein’s concept of career anchor arose from a study that determined how managerial careers developed. It involved a longtitudal study of 44 graduates of the Masters at the Sloan school of management. They were interviewed after five years and then after ten years of employment. From this study and interviews with several hundred people in varying stages of careers the common themes were developed into the career anchor concept (Schein. P.19,20)

These eight career anchors are summarized below.

Security and Continuity

This is a very common anchor and relates to job security, steady and regular income and time-related career progression. If you are result-oriented, willing to take risks and believe in achievement-related career progression, and do not want to sacrifice your personal ambitions at the altar of the organisation, then this anchor may not be yours. On the other hand, if you are willing to sacrifice freedom, initiative and go by the rule book with time-related promotions, then this is the career anchor you subscribe to.

Technical/functional competence

Here, the actual content of the job becomes important, since you intend to use your technical and functional competence on the job. It is important to understand that other than this competence, you may or may not look for other motivators and satisfiers.

Once market salary achieved they will seek bigger budgets, more areas of responsibility, and increased scope of job.

Personal growth

If you view life in the organisation as a continuous process of personal growth, increasing your knowledge, competence, capabilities and abilities, this is your career anchor. In the absence of these opportunities, you would consider your career stagnant and would not care to work for such an organisation.

General Managerial Competence Status

This is a very strong career anchor and should appeal to you if you are willing to take risks and work continuously towards going up the ladder, obtaining additional perks and benefits at each step.

Specialisation is viewed as a trap.  They have the ability to identify, analyse, synthesise and solve problems under conditions of incomplete information and uncertainty. Financial, marketing, technological, human and other elements have to be combined into problem statements that are relevant to the success of the organization. Be able to think cross functionally and integratively.

Autonomy

People with entrepreneurial attitudes and skills, who want to become intrapreneurs relate very well to this career anchor. Government jobs, public sector organisations, where rules are more important than results, will create discomfort for those who subscribe to this career anchor.

They cannot stand to be bound by others rules, procedures, working hours, dress codes etc.  Regardless of where they work or on what these people have an overriding need to do it their way, in their own time and against their own standards. Contract or project work “ with defined goals but left up to them as to how to do it.

Security / Stability

Need to feel safe and secure in their job. All people like to feel this to a certain degree but for these people it dictates all their career decisions. They often seek tenure, have good retirement plans, avoid layoffs, and image of being strong and reliable.  Government jobs are perfect for these people.  Prefer steady predictable performance.

Entrepreneurial Creativity

The need to create their own businesses by developing new products or services or by taking over existing businesses and reshaping them.  Tend to get bored easy.  Have need to invent or create new products and services in their enterprises or start new ones.

Making money is a measure of success for these people.  Ownership is most important issue. They don’t pay themselves well but retain ownership of stock.

Autonomy people want to run their own businesses for the freedom.  Entrepreneurs want to run them to prove that they can create a business.  Most start very early in life.  Have other conventional jobs whilst looking for an idea or business to take over.  Have willingness to drop job when opportunity comes along. Also will forfeit autonomy and stability to get the idea to work.

They want to move into which ever role is key to the creativity of the company. (head of R&D or the Board)  Can be self-centred and seeking high personal

Pure Challenge

They enjoy solving unsolvable problems or winning against impossibly tough opponents. High level strategy consultants fit this category relishing more and more difficult kind of strategic assignments. Seek daily combat or competition. Opportunity for self-tests are more important than any other thing about the job  not the area of work, pay system or type of recognition.

Can sometimes be very single minded. If there is no use of their competitive skill then they get bored and irritable.

Lifestyle

Can be highly motivated to fulfilling career but it must at the same time be integrated with total lifestyle. Balancing the needs of the individual, the family and the career.

Flexibility is valued above all else. Options sought include part-time work, sabbaticals, paternity and maternity leave, day-car options, flexible working hours, working from home etc. An organizations attitude to the needs of a person with this career anchor is important.

Work climate and culture

You are anchored to your career by work climate and culture, seek peace of mind, limited stress, good interpersonal relationships and a conflict-free workplace. Other factors and parameters come second. People who relate to this career anchor usually retire mentally a few years after joining the organisation.

Vision – Creating a picture for the future

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“I have a dream” Martin Luther King

I once asked the founder of the organization in which I worked how he defined vision. He told me it is something that continually eats away at you until you have to make it happen.

When he became a Christian there was no support for young people who needed to be discipled. This lack gnawed away at him until he finally collaborated with a farmer in western New South Wales to create a small community in which young people could study, be mentored, reflect and work to contribute to their board and tuition. Out of this idea has developed an organization in which hundreds of young people have been discipled and gone onto greater Christian service.

Vision is more than just coming up with a good idea. Most of us have plenty of these. It is about enduring the hardships of the journey and to encourage and take others on that journey as well. From both the animal and human studies, we know there are critical developmental windows in the first years of life. Sensory and motor skills are formed, and if this early opportunity is lost, trying to play catch up is hugely frustrating and mostly unsuccessful.

Prof. Zajoc writes of studies which investigated recovery from congenital blindness. Thanks to cornea transplants, people who had been blind from birth would suddenly have functional use of their eyes. Nevertheless, success was rare. Referring to one young boy, the world does not appear to the patient as filled with the gifts of intelligible light, color, and shape upon awakening from surgery,Zajoc observes. Light and eyes were not enough to grant the patient sight. The light of day beckoned, but no light of mind replied within the boy’s anxious, open eyes.

Zajoc quotes from a study by a Dr. Moreau who observed that while surgery gave the patient the power to see,the employment of this power, which as a whole constitutes the act of seeing, still has to be acquired from the beginning. Dr. Moreau concludes, To give back sight to a congenitally blind person is more the work of an educator than of a surgeon.To which Zajoc adds, The sober truth remains that vision requires far more than a functioning physical organ. Without an inner light, without a formative visual imagination, we are blind, he explains. That inner light the light of the mind must flow into and marry with the light of nature to bring forth a world. (National Right to Life News, March 30, 1993, p. 22)

Martin Luther King’s statement I have a dream,saw a better world. But he also shared with people the pain of the journey to that dream. Even though the American constitution declared the liberty and freedom of all people this was not a reality in the American south. Martin Luther King paid for his vision with his life but his shared journey with other African Americans allowed for significant progress to be made in the breaking down of racist barriers.

Warren Bennis said this after his study of organisations,

In every case where they had reached epiphanies, there was a leader who was able to enrol people in an exciting, insanely significant vision. Someone who was capable of reeling in the advocates and supporters to work with him or her. They all believed that they could make a dent in the universe.(1997)

The signs of an effective organisational vision for this learning context will be evident in its followers. Secondly the question must be asked at all levels are people learning? It will be the leadership vision and effective management of the vision that will enable your organization to achieve new goals.

Bennis (1997) also states what leaders must create is the social architecture that encourages people to work together successfully. The difficulty facing leadership is to harness egos to unleash the potential that is available. For an organisation such as the church the social structure must extent beyond superficial social niceties and be channelled into the practical aspects of fulfilling its vision. The social architecture will be constructed through its reorganisation as a learning organisation in which each of its participants becomes a contributing learner.

In such a structure the leadership and the members are repositioned. The leaders are not permitted any pedestals and the learners are asked to step up to their responsibilities. The outcome will be a group of people with a shared philosophy who are able to work together to achieve effective outcomes.

John Maxwell suggests some of the following ideas if an environment is to be created that will encourage others to take hold of a vision:

  • Come alongside them There are different levels of leadership that a leader can have. At the bottom level is designated authority. This is where people follow because of your assigned position and they have no choice. At the highest level is that of personhood/respect. At this level you have developed followers who are loyal and sacrificial. They are this way because they have seen you demonstrate sacrificial and loyal leadership to them.
  • Paint a picture for them. This picture should set new horizons for the individuals in the organisation; it should give hope; it should be challenging; it should provide freedom; the journey is important; it should provide a path to the ultimate goal; they should be able to see your total commitment to the vision. (Maxwell,J)
  • Put it into context . Shaller says that the most effective leaders are those that understand and adopt the values of the group that they join.
  • There is a big difference between one’s personal vision and implementing a corporate vision. A personal vision will not change an organization and belongs to the leader alone. A leader must be able to rise above themselves and to see the future through other people’s perspective.

A gift of love from the heart

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One of the most profound words of wisdom that I ever heard regarding self development was that the first step was to get out and help someone else. This insight helped me to identify that the key to fulfillment and happiness was to discover a higher purpose than our own needs and desires.

Steve Pavlina describes this in a recent post when he says, But when I focus on serving others, it’s like I’m plugging into a much more powerful battery. Energy flows through me instead of from me.

This is very true. I remember that April and I were given such a gift when on our honeymoon. We were eating our lunch in a busy shopping centre. There were no other tables left but we had a spare chair at our table. There was a well dressed lady with a plate of food who was obviously looking for somewhere to sit. We invited her to sit at our table.

During the course of our meal we chatted with her. We had very little money at that stage of our life and but were very happy with our purpose. This lady had lots of money but described a life that was full of unhappiness. When we finished we went our separate ways.

April and I got onto a train to go to our next destination. A couple of stops further along the lady that we shared lunch with go onto the train. She recognised April and I and sat with us. She got up to leave at the next stop but as she did she handed us a large sum of money. It was enough to allow us to be able to enjoy some nice things on our honeymoon.

This demonstrated the power of being able to share our hearts with someone else. We may not always receive a financial reward but there will always be a positive benefit when share in this way. We received from this lady a gift of love and all it required was for her to experience our heart response to her situation

Thanks Steve for reminding me of that special moment in our lives. The post is spot on and a reminder that although most of the world will tell us that the most important person in the world is me that this is not the whole truth. Sure we have to care for ourselves but we must never forget that we are social beings designed to contribute to the greater good of all of us.

Great Tips for finding happiness etc.

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When looking for my daily dose of a positive affirmation this post came up:

  • Use applied faith – faith in the moment of any given situation that there is a seed of opportunity or growth
  • Trust the process of life
  • Set your intent wisely. Intention is very powerful and it organizes the power with in the field of pure potentiality
  • Center yourself by relaxing the body and calming the mind
  • Increase self-awareness by practicing mindfulness – present moment focus
  • read the rest here….

I especially liked the last one which was to create a sacred space in your home. We live in one of the most beautiful places in the world and I sometimes forget to take the time to appreciate it.

backyard
This is my backyard.

Life Coaching – Future Directions

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In human development childhood implies a dependence on others for all of the child’s needs. It cannot exist without the support of others and requires a healthy adult perspective to allow the child to gain a correct understanding of its world. Correct childhood development is also seen as vital for the future health of the individual. To grow to be a healthy adult requires the correct diet, discipline and love. As an industry coaching is very much in its childhood and at this point leans heavily on a range of disciplines from which it gains its understanding of the world. Its composition is new in meeting the changing educational and work needs of today’s generation.

In its current entrepreneurial stage there is little regulation and often conflicting methodologies. Many aspects of coaching have been around for a long time. Others seem to rest on a great deal of hype and a bit of snake oil. For example Robbin’s seminars allow his participants to walk on hot coals. This exercise’s long term benefits are questionable and in the short term may just be simply dangerous.

Surrounding the current crop of coaching stars there is much hype and perhaps overstating of actual gains that are possible. Being part evangelist and part management guru places enormous pressure on the super coaches to produce results. They do not usually appear obligated to produce empirical results rather relying on a long list of anecdotal testimonials. These usually say more about the person than their methodology and results. The implication for the everyday coach is that they may also feel obligated to overstate the possible benefits from engaging a coach to assist them in some area of their life.

Whether from one of the super coaches or less well known names there is a plethora of literature available for the aspiring coach or a person desiring to be coached. Many follow fairly familiar well worn paths that have not varied much from such success icons as Norman Vincent Peale’s, The Power of Positive Thinking, or Dale Carnegies, How to Win Friends and Influence People

As long as coaching was practiced as an extension of the North American self help movement, it seemed justified to be content with anecdotal evidence that coaching processes work.In the 21st century, given the above tenets, this stance on the ROI of coaching is becoming less and less justifiable. It is also less and less welcomed by organisations looking for explicit proof of coaching effectiveness. If behaviour change is indeed one of the foremost goals of coaching, then neglecting findings on behaviour and the developmental roots of behaviour is a risky course of action indeed.

The current immaturity of this industry allows the title of coach to be attached to anyone who so desires. This situation is untenable and will require future coaches to be involved in considerable upskilling if professionalism is to be attained in the industry. Some concern must be expressed at the damage that may occur if coaches without a strong ethical and professional framework offer advice that is outside their personal limitations. By nature the claims that a coach must make if they are to be regarded as effective can lead to overstatement of their capabilities. Such claims could lend itself to the coaches giving erroneous advice and the exaggerated participants expectations of s success.

Future implications for coaching

  • Recognised post graduate levels of coaching .This is already beginning with an increasing doctoral, masters, and undergraduate coaching qualifications being offered at recognised tertiary institutions.
  • Recognised professional level required to use the word coach. A coherent framework of ethic and professional standards is required and the current range of names coaches take on. Depending on one’s educational level and field of expertise a variety of terms are used to describe coaching.
  • Gale et al report that the titles most often used by coaches include Personal Coach, Executive Coach, Life Coach and Business Coach. Coaches with Master degrees most frequently refer to themselves as Business Coaches, Consultants, Executive Coaches, Personal Coaches, and Developmental Coaches; coaches with Bachelor degrees use the titles, Professional Coach, Mentor and Life Coach, and coaches with Doctoral degrees use the titles, Mentor and Developmental Coach most frequently. The wide variety of coach titles indicates indicate the different perceptions coaches have for their roles, the diversity of their emphasis and the lack of any framework for assuming the title of coach. This is indicated in the coaching world by many different names for what appear to be very similar intentions.
  • To simplify, and perhaps clarify the field of coaching, it seems necessary to significantly reduce the number of titles used by coaches, and at the very least, to define the differences between each title (Executive Summary Coaching Practices, Gale, Liljenstrand, Pardieu and Nebeker (2002)).
  • Effective tools researched and used.Coaching must move beyond the personal hype of the superstars that focuses on the coach. It must also reflect more personalisation than a simple computer based audit of one’s skills.
    Sydney University’s coaching unit incorporates a unit on the use of many such tools. They include the Myers Briggs assessment instrument. Etc.
  • Rigorous ongoing professional development for example if one specialised in the area of career coaching then it is to be expected that in the current rapidly changing work environment that there be ways to ensure currency in the coaching practice.

The coaching industry is at a critical stage. The determination of whether it is just a passing fad or the guarantee of its future success is likely because of the quality and professionalism of coaches and their ability to deliver demonstrable value to their clients. If coaching is to become a true profession, further research into the effectiveness, business benefits and value of different coaching methodologies is crucial.

Neil Offley, Programme Director at the NHS Leadership Centre, comments: ‘We hope that evaluation and research will help show how coaching can deliver real benefits, and overcome a perception of it being the latest fad.’ As the coaching market continues to grow and mature, a number of trends are likely to appear. Jerry Arnott, Managing Director of Origin Consulting, states:

‘I believe there will be a consolidation of coaching providers and increased regulation and standardisation across the market. This is long overdue and there are already signs of this evolution as the coaching profession begins to address the fundamental issues of ethics, standards, accreditation and quality.’ (Quoted from CIPD Buying Coaching Services p.15)

This will mean for many coaches the sacrificing of some of the current freedoms to serve the greater good of coaching as a developing profession. The adoption of measures such as accreditation, a code of ethics and accredited methodologies will eliminate the some of the current inconsistencies in the discipline.

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Using the 4 Temperaments to help in your self understanding

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A contributing factor to how we handle stress is our temperament. This is something that is imprinted on our DNA and is a part of the picture that determines how we approach and deal with life. We all know of the types who can laugh at any situation and see the positives in everything that comes their way. Then there are those who face the same situation and may find it overwhelming and not be able to see any good whatsoever.

The original temperaments were developed by Hippocrates who developed it from a physiological theory of four basic body fluids (humours): blood, phlegm, black bile, and yellow bile. According to their relative predominance in the individual, they were supposed to produce, respectively, temperaments designated sanguine (warm, pleasant), phlegmatic (slow-moving, apathetic), melancholic (depressed, sad), and choleric (quick to react, hot tempered).

There is some question as to the scientific validity of temperament theory that I would like to acknowledge. But, as you read through the temperaments we all will recognise people we know who are just like the description. There are also combinations of temperament that we all with have to some degree. This must also be a part of the context by which we use any such description. The description of the temperaments is only a tool to allow you to know yourself just that little bit better.

Finally a warning: Don’t allow your temperament to determine who you are. We are more than just the sum of a few personality traits and should look at a range of tools to contribute to the picture that we have of ourselves.

But in the meantime enjoy the unique qualities that you have and learn to enjoy the differences in others as you understand more those differences.

THE SANGUINE TEMPERAMENT Men and women with the sanguine temperament are warm, buoyant, and lively. They are naturally receptive, and external impressions easily find their way to their hearts. Their emotions rather than reflective thoughts are the basis of most of their decisions.

Sanguine types enjoy people, shy away from solitude, and are at their best when surrounded by friends, where they can take center stage. They have an endless repertoire of interesting stories to tell, making them fun to be around at parties or social gatherings.

Back when they were in high school, the sanguine types were voted “Most Likely to Succeed,” but they often fall short of this prediction because of weak wills. Sanguines who find themselves ineffective and undependable tend to become restless, undisciplined, egocentric, and emotionally explosive.

THE CHOLERIC TEMPERAMENT The choleric temperament is found in people who are hot, quick, active, practical, and strong-willed. They tend to be self-sufficient, independent, decisive, and opinionated, finding it easy to make decisions for themselves as well as for others.

Adversaries seldom frighten them; conversely, cholerics welcome the challenge because they want to prove they are right. They possess dogged determination and often succeed where others fail not because their plans are better than anyone else’s but because they push long after others have become discouraged and quit. These natural-born leaders will storm the hill or take on city hall. Their motto: Either lead, follow, or get out of the way.

The choleric’s emotional nature is the least developed part of their temperament. They do not suffer fools gladly, nor do they sympathize easily with others. Male cholerics are often embarrassed or disgusted by the sight of other men crying. They have little appreciation for the fine arts because their primary interests lie in the utilitarian values of life.

Cholerics, male or female, have a hard time with people skills. They don’t need babying or pampering, and it’s hard for them to adapt their styles to the needs of other people. Cholerics are difficult folks to live with. They can come across as hot-tempered, cruel, impetuous, and self-sufficient. The person with this temperament is often more appreciated by friends and associates than by members of his or her family.

THE MELANCHOLY TEMPERAMENT Melancholy people are often dark, moody individuals prone to analyzing everything to death. Nonetheless, they can be self-sacrificing, gifted perfectionists with sensitive emotional natures. That’s why many of the world’s great artists, musicians, inventors, philosophers, and educators have been of the melancholy temperament.

These self-described introverts come hardwired with a variety of moods dominated by their emotions. Sometimes melancholics’ moods will lift them to heights of ecstasy (“I just loved the new Julia Roberts movie!”), but five minutes later, they can become gloomy and depressed (“I just can’t seem to snap out of it”). If this occurs, spouses need to watch out. Withdrawn melancholics can be quite antagonistic and hard on a marriage.

When they’re in a good mood, melancholics are your best buddies and friends. Unlike sanguine men and women, however, they do not make friends easily. Melancholics are initially reserved when meeting people, preferring for new acquaintances to come to them. They are perhaps the most dependable of all the temperaments because their perfectionist tendencies do not permit them to let others down.

Melancholics have an uncanny ability to figure out what to do when obstacles are placed in their paths. If a project needs to be completed within a seemingly impossible time frame, you can be sure a melancholic will find a way. This foresight contrasts sharply with cholerics, who rarely anticipate problems but are confident they can handle anything that comes their way.

THE PHLEGMATIC TEMPERAMENT Everyone loves to be around those with phlegmatic temperaments. They act calm, cool, and collected. They travel through life in the slow lane, content to take it easy. Life for phlegmatic people is one happy, pleasant experience after another, which is why they avoid entanglements with others as much as possible.

Phlegmatic types seldom get ruffled. They are the types who rarely express anger or laugh until tears are running down their cheeks. Their temperament remains steady. Beneath their cool, reticent, almost timid personalities, phlegmatics draw from a good combination of abilities. They feel more emotion than appears on the surface and have a great capacity to appreciate the fine arts and the better things of life.

Since phlegmatics enjoy people, they do not lack for friends. They are natural-born conversationalist who love to hear a good story as much as they enjoy telling one. Known for their dry sense of humor, they have the ability to see the lighter side in everyday situations. Their retentive minds delight in poking fun at the other temperament types.

The chief weakness of phlegmatics, which often keeps them from fulfilling their potential, is their dearth of motivation. Some husbands will say this about their phlegmatic wives: “She is a wonderful wife and mother, but she is one lousy housekeeper.” A frustrated wife might say, “Joe is a wonderful husband, but he can’t seem to get a promotion.”

Although they are easy to live with, phlegmatics have a careless, low-pressure way of living that can irritate a hyperactive partner to no end. [1]

[1] The temperaments are summarised from “How to Be Happy Though Married”, Tim LaHaye. Published by Tyndale House Publishers.

Rediscovering our workplace soul

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The industrial revolution changed not only manufacturing processes it also changed the very fabric of society and these changes continued through the 20th century and into our present time. As society moved from being farming communities and we began to spend long hours working in factories the way that families related changed. Life was no longer so integrated. We were moved from the source of our food production. Families were reduced to the immediate context of mother, father and children. Communities were substituted for housing developments that in suburbia became dormitories. They were the retreat that people came to after spending eight or more hours at work and up to 3 or 4 hours more commuting to their work. To live in these suburbs requires no commitment to its well being or function. This is all done by other community developers.

I like what Tim Costello says in his chapter on vocation from his book Tips from a Travelling Soul Searcher.

Perhaps life is not a race whose only goal is being foremost. Perhaps the truth lies in what most of the world outside the modern west has always believed, namely that there are practices in life, good in themselves, which are inherently fulfilling. Perhaps work that is intrinsically rewarding is better for human beings than work that is only extrinsically rewarded. Perhaps enduring commitment to those we love and civic friendship toward our fellow citizens are preferable to restless competition and anxious self defense. Perhaps common worship, in which we express gratitude and wonder in the face of the mystery of being itself, is the most important thin of all. If so we will have to change our lives and being to remember what we have been happier to forget. (Holiness of the Heart, quoted by Costello)

Today most jobs are regarded as commodities. Once what teachers, lawyers, bankers other professions did was seen as a benefit to their community. Their value was not just tied to the size of their pay packet. This has changed and a profession has become a commodity their where their services are contracted and tied to their economic production. Security, community, belonging are gone replaced .Many professionals are mourning their loss of vocation not just because they have lost their security but because they no longer have a tangible contribution to the benefit and welfare of their community

The key to discovering your workplace soul will be to discover that sense of vocation. To be able to remember those things that seem to be forgotten in today’s fast paced world. To relocate ourselves in the context of a meaningful community were we once again learn to talk and listen, and where we are able to be valued because of our spirit and not what we produce

It will be those organisations who are able to provide such a context that will provide an enduring contribution for the future. And those people who are able to contribute to such a context will rediscover something of the true intention of “work”. For them it will be transformed from what is often seen as a derogatory term to a sense of rediscovered calling and vocation.

5 Tips for Public Speaking

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I speak publicly nearly every week. If you had asked me 20 years ago what I would be doing then public speaking would not have been on my list. But because I have been a minister of a church for most of my adult life this has required me to speak in public on a very regular basis.

Being and effective public speaker is essential for those who wish to be able to influence others positively. IT is a skill that can be learned but it requires hard work. Don’t be afraid of those people who seem to have a natural talent for public speaking for anyone to say anything worthwhile requires that they also have the character to match what they are saying. The world is full of shooting stars who are able to shoot their mouth off but if you are committed to this task and have the character to match you will be able to continue to say things that are valuable for a long time.

 These are some of the things that have helped me in my Public Speaking:

  1. I believe in what I am talking about. Each week I am speaking about something that is one of my core motivators in life. It has been a privilege to have a platform where I can organize my thoughts and present them in a coherent framework. I don’t find public speaking to be a natural talent of mine and I find it quite exhausting. But, I do it week after week because I believe in what I am talking about. Find something that you are enthusiastic about and believe in and that will enable you to continue on even when you are not feeling all that successful about it.
  2. Join Toastmasters I did this at a very early stage in my public speaking career. It was a great training ground where we had to present impromptu and organized speeches and receive feedback. Toastmasters were also great for their social interaction and contacts that I made.
  3. Doing it over and over. After a while it gets easier to work out how words will flow, how one paragraph will flow into the next and all the other nuances of what creates a compelling speech. People have mentioned that in my normal conversation I can tend to be a bit disjointed but in my public speaking I am very fluent. The reason for this is because I have practiced my public speaking, over and over again. Before I have given any presentation I have usually done the whole thing in private at least twice, with all my hand gestures and positions on the stage as well.
  4. Build a repertoire of stories. Stories are the lifeblood of any public speaker. The best stories are the ones that relate to a personal experience it gives credibility to what you are saying. I recently listened to several presentations by a very accomplished public speaker but he lacked the personal touch. It’s a delicate balance between being seen as just talking about yourself and vulnerability but good public speakers have learned to achieve that balance consistently. Collect other stories, poems and quotes that connect to you personally. I usually don’t quote poetry because I don’t get it. I would feel like a fake if all of a sudden I started sprouting off with some profound sonnet speaking of some beautiful flower. It’s not me so I don’t do it. I do love stories about people and short parables and I have built and extensive repertoire of these for my talks.
  5. Get the audience involved. One of the things that I hate in public speakers is when they tell the audience to repeat something that they have said. That’s dumb and I hate being treated as a stupid follower. I like being involved but what to be able to respond to something that has hit home to me. Don’t use dumb contrived interaction gimmicks.

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How to Speak in Public – Your speech structure

Quotes on responsibility

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Part of our essential humanity is paying respect to what God gave us and what will be here a long time after we’re gone. – Bill Clinton

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. Viktor Frankl

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it. Franklin P. Jones

Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach. Tony Robbins

Responsibility:  A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor.In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, 1911

Why do children want to grow up? Because they experience their lives as constrained by immaturity and perceive adulthood as a condition of greater freedom and opportunity. But what is there today, in America, that very poor and very rich adolescents want to do but cannot do?  Not much:they can “do” drugs, “have” sex, “make” babies, and “get” money (from their parents, crime, or the State).  For such adolescents, adulthood becomes synonymous with responsibility rather than liberty. Is it any surprise that they remain adolescents?~Thomas Szasz

How to clear the decks in your marriage

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Explore unfinished business.

One of the reasons many couples have harmful residue building up over the months of their marriage is that they never come to terms with unfinished business. This business may have to do with unpaid bills, a question of how long the in-laws are staying for Christmas, or whether the kids should be disciplined a certain way. Whatever the issue, mark this down: Every couple has unfinished business. And that business nags at them. It drags them down and drains them of energy.

Every time we have an issue that goes unattended, we increase the pressure and tension in our relationship. So begin your session of ridding yourselves of harmful residue by noting your unfinished business. Talk about whatever it may be, and do your best to make some decisions at this point and gain some closure. To get you started, ask each other: What unfinished business in our relationship is weighing on you most right now?

Talk about your money.

A Reader's Digest survey found the most common lie between spouses is over how much they spent on a purchase. Roughly half, or forty-eight percent, of secretive spouses said they hid the cost of purchases (even in affluent households) within the last month. That was much higher than the two next-most-common secrets, which were over a child's behavior or grades or a failure on the job.

The biggest problem with deceiving your spouse about money is not found in trying to balance the checkbook. No. Money matters are a metaphor for other troubles in a marriage  troubles involving power, security, competence, and self-esteem. That's what makes money so difficult to talk about. And that's why talking about money is vital.

Talk about your emotional needs.

[Talk] to your spouse about your emotional needs. If you are feeling neglected, say so. If you are wanting to be admired, let him or her know. If you don't talk about your emotional needs, it can be nearly impossible for your spouse to meet them. And second, cultivate your relationship with God. Within each of us is a God-shaped void, an emptiness that can only be filled by God. And until we find our connection with God, we will always suffer twinges of disappointment in our marriage. He hears us when we pray.

Talk about your anger.

Anger requires limits and must be talked about routinely. The healthy handling of it begins with admitting you are (or were) angry. Most of us want to deny the presence of anger to control it. But that never works. Repressed anger has a high rate of resurrection. So 'fess up. Own your anger without hiding it or projecting it onto your partner.

Once you have admitted your anger, the next step is to release your vindictiveness do your best to "turn the other cheek" (see Matthew 5:38-48). This practical principle releases revenge and is an insurance policy against resentment. How do you do this? By talking to your partner about how you feel hurt and then surrendering your desire to hurt him or her back. Let your partner know you are letting it go. And if you are inclined, say a prayer that God would protect you both from the reemergence of angry feelings.

Give each other freedom to fail

You and I don't have to be perfect people to have a great marriage. We are all human. We all make mistakes. Because of this very fact, we must give each other the freedom to fail. If you don't, you'll never rid yourselves of harmful residue. And when you are having difficulty letting go of a hurtful mistake by your partner, it is time to consider our next piece of advice on forgiveness.

Forgive when you feel hurt

We do need to forgive each other if for no other reason than because we are married. And no marriage, no matter how good, can survive without forgiveness. We are bound to get hurt. It's inevitable.

In a healthy marriage, two people help one another become better at forgiving by asking for forgiveness, as well as by giving it when needed. "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" These simple words offer a possible way out of the inevitable blame game that traps so many couples and they are sure to release you from the harmful residue that would otherwise bog you down.

Update how well you know your spouse

Mrs. Albert Einstein was once asked if she understood her husband's theory of relativity. "No," she said, "but I know how he likes his tea."

Good answer. Knowing simple intimacies about your partner is at the heart of a healthy marriage. And keeping up-to-date on those ever-changing intimacies is a healthy habit loving couples cannot ignore. So in your pursuit to rid yourselves of harmful residue, take a moment to check in with your spouse. What would he or she like you to know? A quick update will keep next month's harmful residue to a minimum. To get you started on this topic, ask each other: What do I need to know about you that I may not know already?

 

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Dealing with Stress

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Introduction

We are all familiar with the word stress. Stress is when you are worried about getting sacked, or worried about being able to pay the bills, or when you just can’t find enough hourse in the day. Stress is an unavoidable fact of life for all of us it is a part of everyday living. How we use it is a vital part of living successfully.

Our body has a different definition of stress. To your body stress is synonymous with change. Anything that causes change in your life causes stress. Initially the term was borrowed from the science of physics. It was thought that people were in some ways similar to physical objects, such as metals that resist moderate forces but lose their resiliency at some point of greater pressure. However when it comes to people determining the factors that contribute to an individuals stress is far more complex.

Definition

Stress is the body’s natural reaction to the events or situations which may confuse, frighten, excite, anger, please or surprise us. It can be pleasant as well as distressful

It doesn’t matter if it is good change, bad change they are both stressful and create a stress reaction. For example when you find your dream house and get ready to move into it, you will experience stress. Go through relationship difficulties and you will experience stress.

Our level of stress is closely related to the amount of control that we feel we have over the changes taking place in our lives. Sometimes it can feel that we are being tossed around at the mercy of the demands of a small child, a needy partner. We are transformed from being a relatively in control independent being to losing control over even some of the most simple decisions that used to be able to make.

stress

How we feel about stress if often a combination of the factors listed above. In a coming series on STRESS, I will outline effective ways that we can manage and even use stress to our advantage. Stress isn’t all bad and if it were missing completely from our lives then we would not always achieve what we set out to do.

How I learned to be responsible

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It happened during the period in my life when I was completing an apprenticeship as a fitter and turner. This was one of the worst periods in my life because of the way that I was treated during this time. One very distinct memory that has always stayed with me was when I received the initiation rite of a first year apprentice.

I will never forget being stripped naked in front of a large group of men and covered in a concoction of grease, marking blue, iron filings and other unmentionable items. The main area that they focused on was putting it on my genitals. After they had finished I was left to walk over to the toilet block and try and clean myself up as best as possible. Then I had to walk several kilometres home while to try and clean myself up.

This really was the beginning of a four year process where I was continually berated in front of the other workers. Where I was continually told that my work was not up to scratch. Where I was told that I would never make it through my apprenticeship, where I was given the most horrible jobs to see if there was some way that they could force me to quit my job.

I remember working as hard as I could day after day in the hope that at best I would just be left alone. The last thing that I ever expected was to receive any praise for my work. But no matter how hard I tried or how hard I worked or no matter how good the job I had done it was never good enough.

This was my experience day after day for four years. I would lay awake at night dreading the next day’s work. Then I would wake up in the early hours of each day dreading in anticipation what would happen to me that day.

I never knew how much my early work experience had affected me until a while later. I left my apprenticeship as soon as my time was up. I then traveled overseas where I found that I was a hard worker.

When I came back I worked for a cotton farmer near my home town for a while. I was taught a hard lesson there by one of the other workers. On any job things will go wrong and in farming there were always things to fix and things that were breaking down.

One day when something went wrong with thej ob that we were doing he said to one of the workers in front of me, “have you noticed that Chris always blames someone else when something goes wrong?”

I really didn’t like what he said, but I realized what he said was true. As a result of how I had been treated as an apprentice I always felt the need to justify any mistake. I made a decision from that day on that I would take responsibility when something was my fault. I even realized that taking responsibility meant taking the blame when I wasn’t at fault.

I think that this is the most valuable lessons that I have ever learned. In making this decision I made a choice to never again be a victim. That I would be able to be accountable and accept the fact that I wouldn’t always get everything right what was important was that I did my best.

What happened to me had nothing to do with my circumstances. I have made lots of mistakes and been in lots of situations where I would like to blame someone else for what has gone wrong in my life. I took a step to change something inside of me that gave me a different perspective on my circumstances.

Most of us have probably heard of the experiment that a guy called Pavlov conducted with some dogs. He trained the dogs to remember that every time he rang a bell that they would be fed. Once they thought they were going to be fed they would start salivating. He repeated this so many times that he only had to ring the bell and the dogs would start salivating.

This highlights one of the key differences between us and the animal kingdom. We are able to change because we have the capability of an inner change. Yes we can also have our behaviour modified because of external circumstances. But, there is also a potential for something more powerful in the way we change to take place in our lives when we choose to be involved in an inner change. We allow for the possibility to become new people no longer dragged down by our past choices. When we change in this way we open a door for new horizons that will move us past all our previous limitations.