Chris Gribble

Be yourself - Everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)

A look at the future of life coaching

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As a relatively new process there is currently little in place to determine the skills required to be a coach. Coaching communities will move towards regulation, registration and systematic organisation. Such changes have come to, for instance, career counselling, psychotherapy, osteopathy and nutritionist-dieticians. In order to establish a recognized profession with secure fee scales, this process must be seen as necessary and legitimating. Every professional coach will want to be involved to allow for new growth in this profession (UK College of Coaching).

First, professions have found it important to seek official recognition of their members efforts and their own contribution to maintaining quality. Professional coaching needs to address this reality by progressing towards official recognition. This will involve research into the productivity gains made by using a coach and the impact it has on its work community(Ibid).

Second, every profession has components of its work which involve coachingrelationships, whether between professionals and clients or between experienced professionals and the newly qualified. Systematic training in coaching may be seen to be a qualification appropriate for senior professional mentors and for the highest levels of every profession. At the top level of every profession, mature professionals aim to enhance their communication and marketing skills and to have an impact beyond their immediate workplaces. Training in coaching will increasingly be seen as one of the most effective methods of doing this (Ibid).

It is essential that research to the doctoral level and beyond becomes a component of the movement towards professionalism within the coaching community. Dr Elaine Cox of Oxford Brookes University, founder of the first European MA degree in Coaching and Mentoring, says, Coaching research links positively with university departments of education, social science and business. Based in education training, she is well aware of the process of multidisciplinary development which the profession is undergoing. The need for coaching is evident in many jobs and professions. In the UK in 2001, some 67% of all employees said they were unhappy in their jobs ((Ibid)).

The UK College of coaching suggests a possible professionaliszation process that will serve to validate the role of coaches in the community. Each of these stages provides benefits to the career coach in their understanding and the communities understanding of their role.

At the 2002 ICF world coaching conference Stober’s keynote address encouraged coaches to adopt the “scientist-practitioner model.” She called this model, “a starting point in attempting to forward our emerging profession (http://www.coachfederation.org)”. A range of developments will be required in this movement towards a scientist-practitioner model. As Grant suggests, It will mean that training courses explicitly address the theoretical and empirical foundations of coaching, and provide training in sound research methodologies, basic statistical and data analysis skills, and foster informed critical thinking skills in student coaches. This approach will provide a more solid base from which to attain the status of profession. Current experience and anecdotal evidence suggests that current coaching is inadequate often just teaching students a method rather than preparing students to understand and utilise empirically sound research. (Grant A and Cavanagh, M International Journal of Evidence Based Coaching and Mentoring Vol. 2, No. 1, Spring 2004 Page 3)

A good example of the current weakness in coaching today is the movement of John Gray of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Once you could become a Mars/Venus consultant in which you espoused Gray’s wisdom. As his franchise has grown to a number of titles one now has the opportunity to become a Mars/Venus life coach. Although his advice may be helpful to those couples reading his book describing people who follow a single coaching methodology without a solid research framework as a life coach should raise some concern for the industry.

Stober in referring to the scientific/practitioner model suggests that as a more critical research based profession develops that coaching will gain validity available to other disciplines.

As coaches bring their “coaching eye” and their “research eye” together, a number of things become possible, she said, including: further dialogue among coach researchers, academics, professionals, associations and training organizations; a coherent body of coaching knowledge, drawn from theories and evidence in related disciplines; rigorous discussion of the definition of coaching; more coaching-specific research, with dialogue on the role of research; development of coaching-specific outlets for publication of scholarly work; and development of funding sources for coaching research.

4 Ways to Understand Failure

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One of the true tests of personal development is being able to handle failure. Success is easy you just ride the wave and enjoy the feeling. Failure on the other hand throws up a very different range of emotions. What we do with them is very important and can determine future successes and failures.

Here are some insights into the reality of failure:

  1. To fail is not to be a failure – At least you have tried. Winning is not always being first sometimes it is knowing that you have done your best, tried your hardest and given your all. That is all that we can ever ask of ourselves.

    Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.– Denis Waitley

  2. Once you have learned from your failures leave them in the past – The worst mistake is to fail to learn from our failure. Once we have learned the lesson leave the emotion behind and move forward, wiser and stronger to face the future. Failure is not a disgrace, failing to learn demonstrates ignorance and that is a shameful thing. We are designed to grow but to think that we have arrived is a false hope in ourselves that removes us from reality. Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death – Ananias Nin
  3. You are never a failure as long as you keep trying – In the words of Winston Churchill, “Never give up”, now say it three times. If you aim for nothing that is exactly what you will achieve in life. Don’t expect every idea that you have to be a winner and realise that the mark of creativity is to try and try and try again.
  4. Failure is never final – This is your choice. What are you going to do with your life? Are you just going to play it safe and live as a timid mouse or are you going to discover the true person and learn to accept the adventure that life is.

I have not failed I have just found 10 000 ways that would not work – Thomas Edison

I find my greatest pleasure, and so my reward in the work that precedes what the world calls success – Thomas Edison

Google – What it says about personal growth

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What a bottom line to have? On BBC news:

Last month Google revealed global third quarter profits of $733m (£390m). This was a 92% increase on the $381m it made during the same time last year.

Is this sort of growth possible to sustain? From my humble perspective I would doubt it. But in the meantime it is great for google.

The question is who will be next? Following on from YouTube and other such major acquisitions the value of social networks is growing all the time. They are filling a need in our lives to understand ourselves in the context of community. We all know that just thinking highly of ourselves is of limited value but if someone else values something about us then that can elevate our self worth immensely.

That is why there is so much value in these networks that are forming every day. That is why these large companies are placing so much value on them.

I wonder if they will realise that working with real people will be very different to dealing with a commodity. Remember iVillage of the web 1.0 days. Where are they now? They are still there but they are no longer at the cutting edge of web communications and there is a plethora of startups looking to take the place of some of these ageing sites.

And, a bit of touch up on the outside isn’t really going to cut it. Its the same for our personal development.

  • To really change requires a revolution from within.
  • To find a totally new way of doing things.
  • To move outside a commodity based economy in our souls.
  • To develop a new way of communicating to ourselves and to others.
  • To move from individualism to active community engagement.

Google’s growth says to us that rapid change is possible for us after all many organisations reflect the sort of dynamics of people. How to make it sustainable is the difficulty that I will deal with in the very near future.

In the meatime just like Google if there is growth and change happening and it is positive enjoy the ride, set your sails to maximise it while it last and get ready for the next wave.

What are the factors influencing the growth of life coaching?

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  • A rapidly evolving business environment. Targeted development interventions have become popular in helping individuals adjust to workplace changes. The changing face of work is well documented and may traditional support mechanisms are no longer in place. The change in our economy of being predominatealy production based to the provision of services has changed the nature of work. In addition to this the rise of the tele-worker, the knowledge worker (Drucker), and changing workplace management strucutres are all contributing to changing worker needs.
  • The structural features of modern organisations. Organisational downsizing and flatter structures mean that individuals often have to quickly fit into the higher performance requirements or upskilling to fulil their new roles. In the new organisational structure individuals are required to assume more responsibility and be more involved in solving problems and involvment in the future of the company. Coaching can support individuals achieving these changes.

The number of businesses in the UK has ballooned from just 160,000 to 3.7 million since the mid-1950s. But of these, less than a third (1.1 million) employ people. Although large employers remain dominant in the labour market – for example, the 7,000 businesses that employ 250 or more people account for 45 per cent of non-government jobs – the size of the average workplace has been falling since the 1960s (CIDP Web).

As Drucker says more and more people are no longer employed full time and that the rise of the short term contract is changing the way that people are positioned in the workplace. One is contracted on the basis of a particular skill that they may have that can contribute to a specific company need.

  • The need for targeted, individualised, just-in-time development. The development needs of individuals can be diverse and in smaller organisations there are often too few individuals with specific development needs to warrant the design of a formal training programme. Coaching offers a flexible, option, which can be delivered ‘just-in-time’ to strengthen under-developed skills.
  • The increasing use of ICT technologies will enable more opportunities for more specialised coaching services to be made available. Following the trend of the granularisation of many educational services that in using modern communications media enable learning to be, just in time, just for me and just enough. Coaching offers opportunity for the individualisation of services using new communications.
  • Financial costs of the poor performance of senior managers. There is a growing acceptance of the costs associated with poorly performing senior managers/executives. Coaching provides an opportunity to undertake pre-emptive and proactive interventions to improve their performance. Anderson’s study of a Fortune 500 firm who engaged the services of a coaching organization reported that three-quarters (77%) of the 30 respondents indicated that coaching had significant or very significant impact on at least one of nine business measures. Follow up interviews with these respondents revealed that sixty percent were able to identify specific financial benefits that came as a result of their coaching. Overall, productivity (60% favorable) and employee satisfaction (53%) were cited as the most significantly impacted by the coaching.(Anderson, M.C., Executive Briefing: Case Study on the Return on Investment of Executive Coaching, p.3)
  • The Bottom Line: Coaching produced a 529% return on investment and significant intangible benefits to the business. Including the financial benefits from employee retention boosted the overall ROI to 788% (Ibid) Figures such as this demonstrate the cost effectiveness of a successful coaching relationship.
  • Individual responsibility for development. There is an increasing trend for individuals to take greater responsibility for their personal and professional development. It is recognised that learning is a lifelong requirement if one wants to maintain ongoing employability. Many people are unsure of their specific skills or may find it difficult to understand how previously attained skills may be applied to new situations. Coaching can help individuals identify development needs, plan development activities and support personal problem-solving.

A very short history of Life Coaching

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Life Coaching originated as an industry in the United States approximately fifteen years ago (LCI). The Sydney Morning Herald (2000) reported that Personal Coaching was ranked as the second fastest growth industry in the US, after Information Technology. This growth has continued up to the present time although the inital hubris surrounding it has dissipated to a large extent. Coaching is now experiencing the massive growth in Australia that it has in recent years overseas.

For example in the 2002 -2003 period, (The largest non profit coaching association) membership in Australia and New Zealand has tripled and is close to 500 strong. Coles Myer utilizes the services of coaches as do a growing number of other public companies. (The Australian, OCT 31, 2003). The use of coaching by such organisations demonstrates that coaching is gaining a widespread respectability as it produces the results desired by these companies.

Coaching evolved from three main streams that have flowed together:

  • The helping professions such as psychotherapy and counseling
  • Business Consulting and organizational development
  • Personal development training such as EST, Landmark Forum, Tony Robbins and the Covey Seminars. (Williams, P. BBC Radio 4)

Further Reading Link here for an excellent article

The marks of a life of excellence

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  1. The mark of productivity – “A rut is a grave with the ends opened out”. There are some fundamental beliefs that will ensure that a person will live a productive life. These are: a belief in the importance of people as individuals, a belief that those people can add to your creativity, a belief that what others say to you is important to hear and respond to.
  2. The mark of progress – This is the person who seeks to grow. This does not require perfection but simply a desire to learn. If we are not prepared to learn then nothing will ever change in our lives. An excellent life will be distinguished by the growth that is evident in that person.
  3. The mark of power – When you have learned to be comfortable with yourself. Not trying to compete or keep up with those around you the power to live an excellent life is within your grasp. Power is never really given by an assigned position it comes from a belief in something beyond yourself and a confidence in that belief that allows you to orientate your life towards that goal.

Correctly directed ambition is a noble task. The problem is that so many people find their lives filled with tasks that fall short of the standards of excellence. So they let go of their potential and settle for a more mundane existence.

One of the truly great discoveries of a life of excellence is that it is not controlled by our circumstances. It is all to do with the direction of our eyes and the space between our ears. Excellence is a mindset, a belief that you are specially placed in this world to make a difference.

Isaac Stern the great violinist was once asked what truly distinguishes a great musician? He replied, ” A great musician is the one who always seeking to improve, never content with his performances, always moving on to discover more about the instrument and the music that he loves”
That is excellence.

Those wake up moments

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Steve Pavlina as usual has some great insights into the awakening of our consciousness. He suggests that humanity is at the edge of a significant mass awakening.

"One day you're tooling along, working your normal job, living your normal life, and everything seems OK. But something happens that triggers a sudden expansion of your awareness, and for that brief moment of perfect clarity, you know what it's like to be fully awake. You're struck by the terrifying realization that your life has gotten way off course, and that you're really meant to be doing something entirely different."

Discovery of ourselves is one of the greatest journeys that we can take. That awake feeling is cannot be artificially induced by chemicals or by the drug of choice of the middle class, shopping. It must come from within, from our spirits. What an exciting concept to see the possibility of people determing a new course for their lives based on the total awakening to their souls. What a difference such clarity could make for our collective consciousness. The first step of this journey begins with honesty. It will bring to us a mirror that will allows us to see ourselves in such a way that the possibility opens for us to begin that walk.

Positive thinkings power – there’s more to it than just weight loss

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Here is a great list of tips regarding the benefits of the positive thinking. Evidently it really does work. Even if it doesn’t its much better to be positive and reasonably happy than negative and very unhappy.

  • Optimism is a predictor of well-being, mood, physical health, and achievements
  • Positive thinking has been linked to a number of health benefits including enhanced immune functioning, faster recovery from surgery, increased longevity, reduced stress
  • Optimism can help people recover from setbacks during a weight loss program
  • Optimists are more persistent
  • Practicing positive thinking regularly helps to change the neural circuits in the brain, making it easier to think positively and engage in positive behaviors
  • Affirmations are short positive “I” statements that are in present tense – i.e. “I choose healthy foods that nourish my body.”
  • Keep a weekly journal of your achievements to help you stay focused on the positive and keep motivated
  • Connect with others – optimists are more likely to seek social support which can help during a weight management program
  • for more link here

Worth a read and the podcast should be worth a listen.

Relating Web 2.0 to our personal development

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Open up your data as much possible. There is no future in hoarding data, only controlling it.

Learn not to control information but become a conduit for communication. There is no future in relationships where a person uses their personal knowledge as power. So as much as possible be an open book. People will value your transperancy because they will be able to get to know an authentic person. Controlling data is about learning to organise information in such a way that people are able to access it in a meaningful way. Learn to be such a meaningful person in the way that you are able to communicate so that your interaction facilitates further conversation.

 

Aggressively add feedback loops to everything. Pull out the loops that don't seem to matter and emphasize the ones that give results.

Learn to listen and learn to hear what people are saying. Create spaces where people are able to come to you and know that they will be heard.

 

Continuous release cycles. The bigger the release, the more unwieldy it becomes (more dependencies, more planning, more disruption.) Organic growth is the most powerful, adaptive, and resilient.

Learn that people are your strength. Grow with them continually. Create an environment where you are able to grow continually rather than trying to take giant leaps. Organic growth is all about expanding your God given capacity, finding people that complement your abilities and allowing them to take their rightful place in your life.

 

Make your users part of your software. They are your most valuable source of content, feedback, and passion. Start understanding social architecture. Give up non-essential control. Or your users will likely go elsewhere.

 

Recognise the strengths in others and seek to bring out the potential in others at all times. It will come back to you eventually and eventually add to who you are. Recognise that the most valuable part of your life is the people around you.

 

Turn your applications into platforms. An application usually has a single predetermined use, a platform is design to be the foundation of something bigger. Instead of getting a single type of use from your software and data, you might be hundreds or thousands of them.

Learn to integrate rather than control. Controlling personalities are never able to grow beyond their own limitations. Those who are able to see that by bringing others into the adventure will in fact enhance that adventure are able to spread the control to others.

 

Don't create social communities just to have them. They aren't a checklist item. But do empower inspired users to create them.

Be genuine in your relationships with others. There is a difference between those who network as a part of meeting their own agenda. We all know the type because of their lack of genuiness. We tire very quickly in these relationships because they are based on what can be gotten out of it.

Mentoring – its never too early

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Its never too early to begin having a mentor. Each week I go to a local primary school where I mentor a young person. It is a very simple process that involves a one hour commitment from myself each school week. One hour, one day each week has been shown to make a huge difference in many young people’s lives across Australia.

I am told that it is having an invaluable effect on this young person’s life. I am told about issues that this young person is facing so that I can better understand how to help him. I am amazed at the willingness of this person to trust and the importance that is placed on this brief hour.

What I like about what I do is it costs nothing for this person to have a mentor. I do it as a community service. Why should the opportunity to have a person to offload to be limited to those above a certain income.
Therefore I would also say that its never too late or too early to have a mentor/coach.
Invariably the time that is spent in a relationship specifically designed for the benefit of you is valuable, because what it does is convey what you say and feel and do is important. And, many people rarely have the opportunity to offload to someone whose sole purpose is to listen and understand themselves. Not even the most caring partner is that available.

Get a mentor/coach, it’s more than worth it. And, it will be one of the best investments that you make for your future health. A good mentor/coach will enable you to see yourself more clearly and to see how others see you as well. This is just as important if you really want to reach your potential.

Coaching is not just for insecure middle mangagement. In an increasingly fragmented world where the natural sources of mentoring/coaching are not longer available it is important to fill that gap will valid alternatives. This is the place of the life coach/mentor/personal consultant.

Finding purpose in life – connecting beyond ourselves

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Finding an adequate life purpose for many is a lifelong quest. It can create a dull ache that pounds away and results in an endless succession of activities for the seeker. In the end it can leave many of us feeling dissatisfied and disillusioned.

The issue for us is finding a purpose that is big enough to sustain us through life. So a job in a world that no longer holds the promise of lifelong employment is not good enough. A marriage in a world that has a 50% divorce rate is also inadequate. Personal growth in a world that has a 100% death rate also has obvious limitations.

Once you discover and embrace your life purpose, are you set for the rest of your life? Do you keep fulfilling that same purpose until you die? Or can your purpose change over time?

Truthfully I think the answer is a little of both. There is a permanent, unchanging aspect of my purpose, and that aspect is growth. I have an undeniably strong sense that I’m here to grow, and that sense has never wavered. I imagine that conscious growth will always be part of my purpose. (Steve Pavlina)

I think that Steve is right that our life purpose does have different aspects. Although I would think that once we find a purpose big enough it will then remain with us.

What can often happen is that we can confuse roles with life purpose. Once again it may be true for us to include what we do as a part of our life purpose. But this will also leave us shortchanged if we fail to connect to a bigger picture that is beyond ourselves.

Purpose therefore must be connected to our spirituality. To connecting to the wider world and to a broader community and a higher authority. Putting these things in place in our lives will allow us give meaning to those subordinate purposes.

5 Laws for knowledge and success

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  1. Always try to understand before judging. When we judge first we are providing fertile ground for fear, uncertainty and distrust.
  2. Alwyas listen to the whole story. Learn to ask questions before drawing conclusions this allows more time for understanding. Learn to ask good questions these are open questions that allow more information to be heard. Closed questions give you what you want to hear.
  3. Always maintain a high level of integrity. Truth really is a personal issue. People will usually see very quickly whether what you are talking about is something you just say or something that you live by. A personal lived truth is far more trustworthy than a talked about fact.
  4. Be positive. It will influence the sort of people who want to be around you. Negativity can draw a crowd but its always the wrong sort of people if you really want to discover success. Negative people tend to tear down and that may seem like fun for a while but it never lasts. Positive people will seek to build and that allows for increased opportunities.
  5. Learn to work well with other people. This will allow you to grow beyond your own limitations in whatever you do. Working with other people is an acquired skill that requires perserverance because you will be often let down. Resist the temptation to think that I can do it better on my own. It may be true in the short term but success is a long term ambition.

Wisdom is the bringing together of knowledge and action. The wise person is the one who has understood and then applied that understanding to their way of life. Success is seeing the fulfilment of makng wise choices.

Success for the rest of us is all about attaining wisdom. Yesterday in the mail I received a brochure promising financial freedom that would allow me to do the things that I really want to do. Such a narrow definition of success forgets the rest of us who may not neccessarily want to just accumulate financial wealth. Wisdom should overflow into our financial choices but our wealth will be a symptom of a much broader context.

5 Commandments of Respect

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One of the more difficult tasks in leadership is to be able to correct or guide while still maintaining the dignity of the other person. Many leaders make the mistake of believing that their leadership is all about winning an argument or having their point of view predominate. However, this is a very short sighted view of leadership and will ultimate limit a person's level of influence in other's lives.

I am just reading about the breakdown of relationships when Hewlett-Packard merged with Compaq. The CEO of HP struggled to win the hearts and minds of the HP employees and faced a battle on several fronts to ensure the success of the merger.

She failed to gain the respect. But, she could have if she had followed some of the following principles.

1. If I have a problem with another person, I will go to him privately. Engaging in a public humiliation of another human being destroys a person's soul. We were recently at a children's birthday party at a popular fast food restaurant and witnessed one of the poorest displays of management that I have ever seen, The person running the party was not being supported by the other staff causing the party to run late. This employee was berated in front of the children and parents.

The result was that I felt very upset. So upset that I wrote to that restaurant. I felt that what was done to that person was soul destroying and needed to be corrected. I hope that manager was dealt with privately so that he would see more clearly the implications of his actions.

2. If someone has a problem with me, and comes to you, send the person to me. (I'll do the same for you.)

3. Be careful about how you interpret me' Id rather do that. Don't try to read things that aren't there in me. I have the right to be able to process my own thoughts without someone putting the implications of their thoughts on me. The reverse is true, I need to be careful how I interpret other people's response to me. Discovering that everything isn't always about me is one of the hardest things to live with but it allows me to be able to hear what you are really saying.

4. If it's confidential, I won't tell. (Unless someone is harming himself or someone else.) I need to be seen as a safe person if people are to give me their trust. This means that they must know that I don't have the need to tell what I know about them. Although someone may choose to disclose information to me it remains their right to disclose and not my right to disclose that to other people.

5. I will not manipulate; I will not be manipulated. I will choose to be honest and live with integrity. This will discourage any person who tries to manipulate me into living in a way that caused me to live with a contradiction within myself. (source unsure of highlighted items)

Green Light Profile – Discovering your strengths

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Green Light Areas and Motivations… Discovering our strengths can be one of the most important aspects of our vocational journey. All of us have them but many of us lead unfuliflled, dissatisfied lives that are characterised by a dull ache of unfulfilled dreams. The Green Light Profile is a useful tool in discovering these strengths and allowing you to apply strategies to ensure that they are utilised in your work or that you are able to make the right decisions in finding the right job or launching out on a new venture, When you complete the Green Light Profile you will discover that there are four different areas in which you tend to function with varying degrees of effectiveness and satisfaction according to what motivates you or gives you personal satisfaction. Strategy, Tasks, Ideas, and Relationships. One of these will be your Green Light Area. One Yellow Light Area and two Red Light Areas. Below is an overview of these areas. They are broken down into sub-areas e.g. Strategy has three sub-areas, Overcomer, Fronter and Seer. Tasks and Relationships also have three sub-areas whilst Ideas has two.

Ideas Gets personal satisfaction from making new discoveries or producing a visible end expression.

  • Learner: seeks to acquire knowledge, expertise, understanding, comprehension.
  • Maker: wants to produce, shape, and fit together a harmonized or coordinated visible or audible end-product/end-expression.

Relationships Gets personal satisfaction from providing practical services, helping people, and building relationships.

  • Affirmer: likes to be appreciated and affirmed.
  • Teamer: enjoys doing things with others: assisting, helping out.
  • Uniquer: one of a kind: likes to be special to someone and/or do something different or distinctive.

Tasks Gets personal satisfaction from doing every step right or straightening it out, making it right.

  • Improver: wants to make it better, do it better or faster.
  • Perfector: must do it right, properly, correctly, precisely: if things not right, must straighten, correct.
  • Independenter: wants to do it right and make decisions without having to rely on a lot of others

Strategy Gets personal satisfaction from reaching organisation key success indicators or winning.

  • Overcomer: needs to win, conquer, defeat or surmount difficulties and persevere.
  • Fronter: at best in front of audiences and/or in charge: wants to surpass and outdo others.
  • Seer: has to see immediate progress and achieve concrete, measurable outcomes.

Integrity and Vision a brief Introduction

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\·Integrity

An important function of leadership is to be a role model in one's influence of others. Perfection is not expected but leaders are required to demonstrate a depth of character and commitment to the values and mission of the organization if they are to effectively influence others to take this same path. Covey describes the trend that developed during last century of management following a personality cult. Whereas in the one hundred and fifty years previously the focus was on one's integrity, character, trustworthiness what emerged was a series of glib mottos. People were expected to follow one's personality and public image that is lubricated through the use of slogans and behavioural manipulation techniques.

Vision

Proverbs 29:18 Where there is no vision the people perish'.

A prime leadership skill will be to envision some desired future state of being, and to inspire others to understand and share that vision (Leadership as Vision, Morden, T.). Effective leadership is able to focus on the big picture issues and see the long term implications of decisions that are made in the present.

To survive in the current world of rapidly changing social structures, technological innovation and the forces of globalization requires the organization to see beyond the current restrictions faced by their members. It will be those groups that identify and provide for the needs of people that will thrive in the future. Those who expect people to come to them and because of past reputations will quickly fade away in the face or rapidly changing needs.

Financial Freedom – How to really find it

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Almost every self help book begins with setting goals to the point where it almost becomes a clich. This is not intended to be a self help post but an aid to finding freedom particularly in our finances. However an interesting byproduct of financial freedom is the discovery of many other new freedoms in your life.

A number of years ago I worked and lived with several heroin addicts. These people were at a stage where they wanted to change. They were fed up with a meaningless and aimless life in which they would probably die. What I discovered was that the addictions were not their real problem. Usually there was some part of their lives that they had found so unsatisfying that an escape into drugs seemed to be their only option. Once they were addicted they were totally committed to that habit. Their lives revolved around the next fix or how they were going to get the next lot of drugs. To change required replacing that passion with something new. That change to be effective needed to be totally life encompassing. It meant removing themselves from that environment and replacing it with a new one that gave them the freedom to be themselves without the aid of drugs.

In many ways that is what we need to do if we are to find financial freedom. Our lives need to be ruled by some new order. We need to replace hopelessness with hope.

Tim Costello quotes Ivan Illich an advocate of the poor in South America. He was asked what the most powerful way to change a society. Illich response was this,

     Neither revolution nor reformation can ultimately change a society. Rather you must tell a new and powerful tale, one so pervasive that it sweeps away the old myths and becomes the preferred story, one so inclusive that it gathers all the bits from the past and our present into a coherent whole, one that even shines some light into the future so that we can take the next step forward.

I believe this is also true for us as individuals. We need to gather our lives so far into a coherent whole and then begin to create a new story for our lives. Once we begin this process we can then begin to make progress.

Viktor Frankl a psychologist was imprisoned in a German concentration camp during the second world war. During this time he had the chance to observe human behaviour set in the most awful of conditions. He observed that when faced with the same conditions that people responded in different ways. Some were able to rise above their circumstances and others were enveloped by them and gave up in despair. He also observed that even in a concentration camp there were those who were happy.

He concluded from this experience that:

    Happiness is never achieved as an end in itself. It is always a by product of either: giving yourself to a higher cause or giving yourself to another in love.

Setting Goals

  1. Talk to others about their ideas to gain inspiration
  2. Create an environment regularly for reflection. For example keep a journal, take a regular walk or bike ride, read books, sit without watching TV or listening to the radio or watching a movie
  3. Set out what do you want to achieve.
  4. What is essential. These are your short term goals (Pay bills, holiday)
  5. What you would like to achieve in the future. These are your medium to long term goals ( a better job, retire at 50, buy my own business)
  6. Map an achievable plan to achieve your goals (How much you need to earn, study, business plan etc.)
  7. Do it!! Don't put your plans off any longer start implementing your plans because this is the only way that they will happen.

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Life really does begin at forty

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Four basic human needs

To live, to learn, to love, to leave a legacy

Life isn't over yet

In the movie Wall Street Gordon Gecko is played by Michael Douglas. He is a cunning unprincipled multi-millionaire corporate raider. One day he speaks to a meeting of spellbound shareholders who are worried about a takeover bid. He declares,

ladies and gentlemen, greed for the lack of a better word is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed in all its forms  greed for life, for money, for love, for knowledge  has marked the upward surge of mankind

Later in the film, Gordon's friend Bud asks,Tell me, Gordon where does it all end? how many yachts can you water-ski behind? How much is enough? Thoreau the philosopher said that most men lead lives of quiet desperation. In my conversations with my peers I hear this desperation expressed often. They suspect that the endless accumulation of things isn't quite enough. And as we rapidly approach middle age there is a sense of unease that perhaps we won't quite measure up. That we have missed the main thing and that our chances to get it right are rapidly passing us by.

 

I recently was talking to a friend who was expressing his dissatisfaction with life. In his mid forties he is moderately successful in business. He has a small business that he runs very efficiently, he has a loving wife, his family are rapidly growing the eldest two successful in their chosen fields and the younger three progressing well in their schools. In most ways his life looks together yet he constantly says,There must be something more?

What's wrong with Steve? He feels that he should be earning more. He feels that his business should be bigger. That he should be driving a better car. Life hasn't fulfilled the promise that it seemed to have in his twenties and thirties. He says that even beyond the financial side there is this unease that keeps gnawing at him and he's not quite sure what to do about it.

His disquiet strikes a cord in me although it is not quite as fully developed. I too feel a growing sense of urgency within myself. I am nearly forty. I still don't have a full time job. I am nust about to change jobs at the age of 43 and am not always sure if my qualifications will secure employment. I have four  children aged six and under, this means that I will be sixty by the time that they might even think about leaving home. A friend told me that he never really started getting ahead financially until his kids had left home. That comment made me feel slightly sick in the stomach and I felt that sense of urgency once again. I will be left with approximately five years to save for my retirement which will not be nearly enough to save the $500 000 dollars or so that I will need to retire on.

Life has changed! I am no longer the care free adventurous young person I once was. I ask myself:

  • What happened, who am I, where am I going?
  • Have I wasted the first 25 years of my working life?
  • Should I panic because we don't own our own home?
  • Is it too late at 43 to find financial freedom?

Mark Levinson a psychologist says that for most people reaching forty there is some crisis. It is not hormonal or biological but it It is defined as a nothing period in our life where we are juxtaposed between the vitality of youth and the . Youth is seen as a time of vitality, daring, growth etc. old age is seen as a time of withering

Maybe I am asking the wrong questions? Tony Robbins in his book Awakening the Giant Within You says that we can change how we feel about our circumstances simply by changing our focus. By changing the focus of our questions we can change our perspective on our problems.

Stephen Covey in First Things First first chapter asks, How many people on their death bed wish they'd spent more time at the office? In this chapter he describes the tension that most of us feel between what we want to do and our responsibilities. I feel certain responsibilities as a Father, as a husband and as a member of society to contribute in worthwhile ways. Sometimes I feel that life is more about survival than the fulfillment of some of the things that I consider more worthwhile.

 

This dilemma was reflected in a recent conversation with a friend of mine said he was too busy at work. His weekly routine meant being there for up to 90 hours a week trying to keep things going at work. I said to him, but don't most people spend at least 90 hours a week doing something? Most of us sleep for around 42 to fifty hours a week and the rest of it we are doing some activity or the other.

I went on, What I think you're saying is that you are not happy with the way that your spending your time.

My friend's dilemma demonstrated to me the way many people perceive the way that they spend time. A lot of people think that each week they are not spending enough time doing what they really want to do. Locked in a vicious cycle of meeting financial commitments to maintain a certain standard of living life becomes a drudgery of working to maintain and gain things that are ultimately viewed as not having much value. Or we have no boundaries that divide ourselves from our work therefore work overtakes who we are. We find that we can't so no to new demands on our time or finances because we always say yes. Our attitude to retirement further reflects this tension we feel. Retirement becomes the opportunity to do the things that they want to do when freed from the tyranny of having to work. It is disappointing that we have to wait to the end of our life before we believe that we can start doing this.

In an American study of people over the age of 90 they were asked what three things they would change if they could have their lives over? The following three statements came up most often:

  • They'd reflect more  That is they would take more opportunities to step out the daily grind to thoughtfully examine the meaning and purpose of their lives. In doing this they would ensure that their energy was expended on worthwhile pursuits.
  • They'd risk more Given their choice these elderly people would have taken more opportunities to step out of their comfort zone. They would take risks to explore more of what life offers and not accept that life was a rut.
  • They'd invest more in things that will outlast themselves –

Jack Nicholoson in the movie as good as it get plays an obsessive compulsive man who lives to have everything in order. His neighbour's intrusions aggravate him. He gets so frustrated that he bursts into his psychiatrists waiting room and says to the group, Maybe this is as good as it gets.

Maybe there is an element of truth in that statement. There are some things that we can't change. More than likely I will turn 40 in a few months time. I won't be able to do some of the things that I used to do in my 20's and 30's. I probably won't become a millionaire by the time that I'm 45. I will have to support a wife and four children for at least the next 20 years.

What I can do is change my attitude to these things. The questions that I have been asking are from the wrong perspective. They encourage a negative perspective on my future, my ability to earn an income, the reasons why I earn and income and my attitude to work.

Rather than wondering how my life is half over I should be celebrating the experiences I have had so far. Instead of thinking that opportunities might be limited I can begin to embrace the future. My working life is half over but I can begin to capitalize on the experience that I have gained over the past 25 years of work. Financial freedom may not be found in having a better paying job or winning a million dollars but in changing my attitude to money.

Questions to ask of myself

  • Write down five of the most significant questions that I have at the moment?
  • Are they empowering questions or do they reflect confusion about what is important?
  • How can you turn these questions around?
  • Try rephrasing some of these to approach them positively?

At forty life isn't over yet. I sometimes think that my working life is nearly over. Yet logically I have another 25 years or more to constructively contribute and earn an income. There is still a future. We have to take control of that future and begin to shape it in a way that allows us to discover freedom.

Leadership – it begins in the home

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I think the ultimate test of the efffectiveness of a leader is what happens in their home. What are their kids like – healthy, dysfunctional, drug addict, corporate leader, artist, confident. Too many leaders have left in their wake so much pain and hurt among those closest to them that it has diminished their star. This is especially true if we take the definition of leadership as the ability to influence others. If we cant influence those closest to us positively then whatever else we do will count for little. For example the late Kerry Packer's relationship with his family. From an outsider's perspective there is no mistaking the genuine love that his children had for him. From all accounts Kerry could be a very difficult man but in my mind he passed the ultimate test of leading first at home. I want to be a great man. When I was younger I thought of greatness in terms of the empire that I would create and the size of the my bank balance but time has mellowed some of that ambition. Now my primary quest for greatness is in the eyes of the five people that I live with. They see me for what I really am, they know my faults and weaknesses and sensitivities yet they are so forgiving Here are some choices that I must make if I am to be an effective leader in my home: Choose words that build up – Words are such powerful tools. We need to choose our words very wisely if we want to be an effective leader at home. It is very easy to let slip words that tear down when I feel stressed or tired or even selfish when everyone wants to invade my space. I need to choose words that say good things to those around me – I love you, sorry, can I help, you look lovely, you are very special, thank you, that's great, how wonderful. Choose to spend my time doing the important things – Even if I say that the kids are important if I don't spend my time with my family and kids then my words count for very little. Its what we do that counts in their eyes. And, they are the ones who get to really see what I am doing with my time. The important things in my life at the moment are being home so I can help bath the kids, read with my eldest daughter, pray before they go to sleep, wrestle with my son and sitting with everyone at the dinner table. Choose to love unconditionally – This means giving when I am not receiving. Washing up when everyone else is too tired at the end of a hard day. Not making my needs the first priority in the family. Choose to make the hard decisions – But do it in a way that makes the family feel better. We can't always do everything that we would like to do or we sometimes have to choose between two very good options. Sometimes I can't be everyone's friend. In these situations its important not to be a friend but a father. Choose to listen instead of talking – It can be very easy to think that it is only my perspective that matters. Communication is always more about what I don't say or what I do when I stop talking.

Making money – Perspective

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In 1923 a group of the world's most successful financiers met at a Chicago hotel. Present were:

  • The president of the largest independent steel company.
  • The president of the largest utility
  • The greatest wheat speculator
  • The president of the New York Stock Exchange.
  • A member of the President's cabinet.
  • The president of the Bank of International Settlements.
  • The head of the world's greatest monopoly.

Collectively these tycoons controlled more wealth than there was in the United States Treasury, and for years the newspapers had been printing their success stories and urging the youth of the nation to follow their example. Twenty five years later, lets see what happened to them.

  • The president of the largest independent steel company -Charles Schwab- lived on borrowed money the last five years of his life, and died penniless.
  • The greatest wheat speculator – Arthur Cutten died abroad in poverty.
  • The president of the New York Stock Exchange – Richard Whitney- was in prison.
  • The member of the President's cabinet – Albert Fall- was pardoned from prison so he could die at home.
  • The president of the Bank of International Settlements -Leon Fraser – committed suicide.
  • The head of the worlds greatest monopoly – Ivan Krueger- committed suicide.

All of these men had learned how to make money, but not one of them had learned how to live.

John Gray – Men are from Mars & women are from Venus

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Billing himself as the best selling author of all time with sales of 30 million (http://www.marsvenus.com/degreeinfo.php) John Gray's Mars/Venus brand is internationally recognised. He is included in this review of the super coaches because of his development of the Mars/Venus coaching franchise that is based on is best selling books. His website claims accreditation through the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

    At Mars Venus Coaching we provide training programs, workshops, life coaching and executive coaching services that dramatically enhance personal and organisational performance in the areas of leadership, teamwork, communication, relationships and life management skills. (http://www.marsvenuscoaching.com/what-is-marsvenus.html)

 

Since publishing Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus in 1992, Gray has been a prolific author with 14 books written covering almost every aspect of the relationship and organisational spectrum. Dr. Gray has authored 14 other best-selling books: What You Feel You Can Heal (Heart Publishing 1984), Men, Women and Relationships (Beyond Words Publishing 1993), Mars and Venus In the Bedroom (HarperCollins 1995), Mars and Venus Together Forever (Harper Perennial 1996), Mars and Venus In Love (HarperCollins 1996), Mars and Venus On a Date (Harper Collins 1997), Mars and Venus Starting Over (HarperCollins 1998), Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Book of Days (HarperCollins 1998), How To Get What You Want and Want What You Have (HarperCollins 1999), Children Are from Heaven (HarperCollins 1999), Practical Miracles for Mars and Venus (HarperCollins 2000), How To Get What You Want at Work (HarperCollins 2002), and Truly Mars & Venus (HarperCollins 2003). John Gray's latest book, The Mars & Venus Diet & Exercise Solution (St. Martin's Press 2003). In addition to his prolific publishing schedule Gray also is an ever present expert on American talk shows and writes a nationally syndicated newspaper column.

While the original Mars/Venus concept was very helpful in making information about relationships accessible Gray's subsequent books have tended to expand on predictable themes. They tend to follow an expected pattern that is largely repetitious regurgitation of the original Mars/Venus theme.

What are interesting is the questions that arise concerning Gray's credentials. A note from his website suggests that these questions have impacted on Gray because he sees the need to officially respond with a note about the legitimacy of his degree.

Gray received his degree in 1982 from Columbia Pacific University. The school closed their doors in 2001. Prior to that date according to the California Bureau for Private Postsecondary and Vocational Education:

    CPU degrees awarded before June 25, 1997 are legally valid. Your degree, and any credential or license you received by virtue of the degree, should not be affected. CPU had legal approval to operate until June 25, 1997, and the degrees it issued before June 25, 1997 are legal. This was taken from http://www.bppve.ca.gov/press_releases/cpuweb_dec2000.htm

(http://www.marsvenus.com/detailedbiography.php)

Cult watch e magazine claims that it can find no evidence of Gray's degrees through any accredited university. They actually were unable to trace the awarding of his High School diploma. They also question the ethics by which he has attained membership to the American Counselling (ACA) association and the International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors (IAMFC) stating that he does not meet the minimum educational requirements to gain their membership (http://www.rickross.com/reference/gray/gray2.html). Membership is based on an honour system that doesn't require verification of one's credentials.

It would appear that although Mars/Venus coaching is accredited through the ICF this is exactly the coaching model that it is trying to weed out through a process of accreditation and professional skills. By claiming PhD status Gray has assumed an unearned legitimacy that has aided his movement into the coaching field.